Getting Scammed in Nam

The world’s most expensive coconut: We were walking down the side walk (because the boys are too cheap to pay 30 cents for a taxi) when we found ourselves walking side by side with a man selling coconut drinks. He asked us where we were from and made conversation with Brandon about how beautiful Canada is. He commented about the heat and handed Brandon a coconut. Brandon politely gave it back because neither of us like them but the man strongly insisted and walked away from us. Even though coconuts are GROSS we thanked over and over again. A second later he retreated back to us and took back the coconut and broke it open with a knife and handed it back to Brandon. Brandon pretended to drink some and thanked him again. Of course he then demands 50,000 dong which is $2.80!! Great. Not that we would, but if we were to buy a coconut drink in a nice restaurant, it would cost us 10,000. Nice

On my own, I went to lunch at an Indian restaurant and ordered take-out that cost 15,000 dong. When I got my food and the bill there was a 15,000 fee for “plastic items.” They charged me for the container and spoon!!!
Charges for napkins: If you want free napkins in a restaurant, bring your own!! The first time we ate in Vietnam, we got charged 10,000 dong because Nelly and Josh used one napkin each.
Taxies: We were warned that we should only use the metered taxies in Vietnam to avoid scams but one metered driver still managed to get us! Even though a normal trip into the city costs 15,000 dong, one driver’s meter moved so fast that we had to pay over 40,000 for a five minute drive!!!!

Like everywhere in Asia, the people selling clothes to tourists are SUPER, SUPER aggressive. One girl literally forced me to try on a shirt even though I wasn’t interested. She just pulled it over my head! When I immediately took it off, she FREAKED OUT and said that I got it dirty from my make up and tried to force me to buy it. Luckily, Nelly yelled at her and pulled me away.

Ticket office?
When we went to the War Museum there was a little both at the entrance that had a very official sign saying “Ticket Office.” We each paid the 10,000 dong but weren’t given any tickets. Why? Because as soon as we got inside we were told that the museum is free and that the both is a tourist scam. Sweet.

Pho!!

Phi Phi ISlands-> Bangkok -> Pattaya -> Chiang Mai -> Ho Chi Minh City -> Siem Reap, Cambodia -> Hong Kong -> Foshan, China

What an insane whirlwind!! 25 days of hotels, evil taxies, ripping backpacks, "sink laundry" and weird tour guides: it was amazing!!!

Here’s a copy of the “plan” that we worked off of every day:
August
1st-3rd Phi Phi Islands: snorkeling
4th – insane packing in Phuket
5th Arrive in BKK: Taxi to Pattaya kick it in Pattaya that night!!!
6th Bangkok: Pattaya: sex capitol of the world! Night life
7th Bangkok: Pattaya: leave for Bangkok in morning. Hang out on Khao San rd
8th Bangkok: Chatuchak Weekend market – biggest market in the world
9th FLIGHT Bkk-->Chiang Mai: Sunday Market, Night Bazaar
10th Chiang Mai: The Zoo/shopping Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep: the most famous temple in the area, this temple dates from 1383.
11th Chiang Mai: Jungle flight - Zip Lining all day
12th- Tour Correctional Institution, night market, Mexican food
13th FLIGHTS Chiang Mai to BKK, BKK to HCMC: check out back packers area/District 1
14th Binh Tay Market, Reunification Palace
15th Cu Chi Tunnels, War Museum
16th Bus to Siem Reap from HCMC (12 hours): Hang out and shop…
17th Cambodia: First day at Angkor Wat
18th Cambodia: Angkor Wat
19th Bus to HCMC from Siem Reap (12 hours)
20th Dam Sen water park
21st Cho Ben Thanh Market, Apocalyse NOW club
22nd Mekong Delta – all day
23rd Flight from SGN to BKK (9:45-11:10) and fly BKK to HKG at (16:30-20:15) - 12 hours
24th Hong Kong: The Peak
25th Hong Kong: Ocean Park
26th Ferry to Mainland China – arrive in Foshan China!!!

The funniest parts of our trip:

The bus from Vietnam to Cambodia:
When we boarded our “12 hour prison bus” we sat at the front for one reason: the bathroom is in the back. After we stowed away our backpacks and got settled we were asked by the driver to move a few seats back. It was a pain because of our bags, but whatever. As soon as we got settled in another spot, we were asked to move to a different row. We settled in again, started to fall asleep (it’s 7:00am) and we were told that we had to move to the back of the bus: next to the bathroom. Josh and Brandon start yelling “THIS BUS IS A PRISON” (which was the first of probably 3,000 times – for those of you that don’t know Brandon and Josh, they quote the movie Step Brothers constantly) but we moved. I wanted to be Rosa Parks and refuse to give up my seat for a Cambodian person, but I figured that us whities were a little outnumbered. So great, we’re next to the bathroom on a 12 hour bus ride. Thankfully, the bus has four planned stops so we thought that people would avoid the bathroom. WRONG. Five people used the bathroom before the bus even started moving. FIVE!! What the FUCK?!?! Why the hell would you board a 12 hour bus without going pee first?! The four of us just used the restaurant bathrooms at the rest stops but not everyone else! We estimated that each of the 16 other people on the bus used the bathroom four times each. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The bus even had to pull over to “dump the sewage” into a FIELD OF COWS! I didn’t look but Nelly saw the river of poop flowing out of the bottom of the bus. That bus really was a prison.

The Chiang Mai Zoo: this is the worst zoo on the planet!!! But we actually had a great time because of how hard we were laughing at all the ridiculousness. The zoo started out with us getting in a fight with the ticket both. It was hysterical. We wanted to pay the “Thai price” rather than the “farang (foreigner) ticket price” which was more than double. Yes, we were arguing over $1.42 – BUT IT’S THE PRINCIPLE and I’m a jew. ;) We tried to reason with the ticket agent: in america, we don’t charge European tourists double fees for entrance into museums and zoos just because they have more money than us – that would be absurd!! She didn’t think so. We even tried telling her that we’d been living in Thailand for four months as teachers – that didn’t work either. Anyways, as for the zoo itself. Hilarious. There’s food wrappers and pop cans EVERYWHERE including in the exhibits and in the camel’s food trough. Almost all of the exhibits are closed down and there’s fake animals in their place. There’s mud everywhere because there’s Thai people driving around their loud motorbikes and cars everywhere in the park. As I was looking at a sad, suicidal, alone elephant, I was ALMOST HIT BY A CAR!!! Hahahaaaaa!!! And the Civits….. so many f’ing civits (ugly, brown, small bear/cat thing that started SARS)!! To this day we’re still laughing about the “Chiang Mai Civit Zoo.” There was probably ten separate Civit exhibits. This zoo had no lions, no tigers, no crocodiles, but it did have a gazillion civits. Awesome. Exactly what the kids love. So if you’re ever in the mood to see some civits, now you know the place to hang out.

Miguel’s: bomb-ass Mexican food
I should have titled my Chiang Mai facebook album “our trip to Miguel’s” because even though we were only in Chiang Mai for three days, we still managed to eat at Miguel’s FIVE TIMES!!!

Trip to the Phi Phi Islands

If you ever visit Thailand, just go straight to the Phi Phi Islands. Fuck Patong. Fuck Kata. The islands are absolutely, perfectly beautiful ESPECIALLY compared to the shit hole of Phuket. And the people: SO MUCH NICER! We weren’t pounced on by shop owners and tailors everywhere we went. It was so chill and definitely our new favorite place!!



The snorkeling was AMAZING!! We saw a huge coral reef with thousands of colorful fish including gorgeous parrot fish and three huge angel fish!!! And snorkeling is super cheap!! It only costs about 200 baht each ($5.71 usd) for three hours of snorkeling on a private long boat. We REALLY wanted to go shark watching at Shark Point but it was apparently too windy on the days we were there so the shark tours weren’t running.