There are no traffic laws. None. At. All.
While in a crowded restaurant, men have to smoke before, during and after their meal. They also smoke in crowded elevators and in hospital waiting rooms
Corn is in everything….. icecream, on pizza, in hamburgers
Everyone picks their nose in public. Men spit in public. Everywhere. And it’s not rude at all.
They spit on the floor of restaurants and on the buses.
Chinese drivers honk their horn CONSTANTLY. You can’t be near a street without hearing the constant sound of honking.
Guys grow their fingernails as long as possible.
Chinese people do a lot of home improvement projects in the middle of the night. Nearly every single day we’re woken up by hammering, drilling and jack hammering that lasts for an hour. It usually happens around 1:00am or 6:00/7:00am.
All the Chinese people that we know HAVE TO eat breakfast immediately after they wake up, lunch at exactly noon and dinner at exactly 5:00.
Chinese children pee and poop everywhere. They just squat down. ..on the bus, in the grocery store, everywhere outside – it’s crazy
If you ask a Chinese person about SARS, they’ll tell you that it’s the foreigners’ faults
Chinese fashion is a constant source of entertainment. It’s beyond Tacky. Girls AND GUYS love cloths that are covered in a combination of sequins, rhinestones, giant bows and glued-on stuffed animals. Girls wear super, super, super short skirts but NEVER show even a tiny bit of cleavage. I see butt cheeks (covered in granny panties) every day but I’ve never seen a skin below a girl’s neck. Girls also like wearing socks OVER their panty hose while wearing high heals. And guys always wear white socks with their black/blue suits. At the beach, women wear giant, saggy, one piece swimsuites from the 1940's while men wear tight speedos
The pollution is way worse than you're imagining. I have black buggers every day (which I do pick and show to brandon). It's so bad that we have to hang our laundry inside (no dryers) rather than outside because after 12 hours of hanging outside, it's dirtier than before it was washed!!
Dec 18, 2009
Dec 17, 2009
Top 10 reasons why I’d rather die than be a Chinese girl:
Let me start by saying that I truely love all my Chinese friends DEARLY (but I would still rather die than be them)
1) When Chinese girls are on their periods, (and for a few days after), they can’t wash their hair. Yeah. “If you EVER wash your hair during that WEEK, you will get migraine headaches (or cancer) after you turn 50 years old.” One of the girls at work told us this – we checked with all the other girls and some students and it’s TRUE. They’re so on crack. So, WHY DO THEY BELIEVE THIS?!?! Apparently, “EVERY doctor will tell you that it’s true.”
2) Chinese girls are all “waiting for marriage.”
I work with six girls that are not married. They’re all between the ages of 21 and 35 and yeah, they’re all virgins. And they’re not like America’s dirty, slutty “virgins.” Only two of them have ever even kissed a boy.
Boys on the other hand, are expected to do it before marriage. The girls at my school tell me that boys go to see prostitutes all the time before they’re married (and during, but I’ll get to that later) and it’s “not that bad.”
3) If you don’t get pregnant by the time you’re 30 years old, you’re going to get cancer.
I told you; Chinese doctors are on crack.
4) In my opinion, Chinese girls are generally really, really pretty. They’re all super skinny (Ivy: “only BAD girls weigh more than 50K (110 lbs)”) and have really lovely dark eyes and perfect skin. And, they’re SUPER SWEET. They’re all like perfect catholic school girls, but better…….Which is why IT’S NOT FAIR THAT THEY HAVE TO MARRY SUCH NASTY GUYS!! I’m sorry, but I think I’d rather die than marry a Chinese boy. Why:
Chinese men think it’s cool and lucky to grow really, really long fingernails. Have you seen the last X-Men movie with Sabertooth? …that’s what guys’ nails look like. Yellow/brown, crusty, gross
Moles: they’re cool. Hairy moles: even cooler. Men are super proud of their moles and always have three inch long hairs coming out of them. And then they play with their mole-hair with their nasty fingernails.
They ALL smoke. Ok, technically only 75-85% but it seems like 99%. And they smoke indoors, especially in homes. In China, smoking is good for your health (doctors on crack) and second hand smoke, although “unpleasant” does not hurt anyone. So, that means that men smoke while in bed and in rooms without ventilation while holding their baby.
Due to the smoking, they all have gross yellow teeth. Their teeth are going to be gross anyway (braces, although affordable, are not important and most people don’t brush their teeth) but the smoking makes them soooo much grosser.
They cheat. They all cheat on their wives – I’ll explain why it’s “OK” later.
Chinese men expect oral sex but they don’t “return the favor.” The one married girl at our school told us that her husband has never gone down on her because he says that her “Virginia (yeah, like the state) smells bad.” We told her to buy soap for the first time in her life.
I’m sorry, but they’re ugly. They’re all 5’2” and are gangly-skinny but also somehow flabby at the same time. But now I’m just being mean! HAHAHAAA!!!
5) The biggest reason why I’d rather die than be a Chinese girl: THEY DON’T WEAR TAMPONS. Pads. Only pads. I can’t even tell you how gross Nelly and I think this is.
…what we’re imagining… it’s 95 degrees/90% humidity (because that’s normal in our city) and you’re super sweaty. You have a bush the size of a dinner plate (GIRLS IN CHINA DON’T SHAVE) and you’re on your period. Extreme heat plus hairiest vaginas on the planet plus blood
6) When a Chinese girl finds out that she’s pregnant, she and her husband need to stop having “man-love” (man love is what they call sex) for ONE YEAR. If they have sex even once during the pregnancy, the baby will be in danger.
Nelly spent an hour showing the girls information online showing that it’s safe to have sex THE ENTIRE nine months but the girls don’t believe it. They tell us that we can “ask any doctor in the country.” Crack.
7) So, since a pregnant woman can’t have sex for a full year, it’s totally ok for men to see prostitutes for that year. I’m not kidding. The girls think its ok.
8) Only “bad girls” drink alcohol, which means that girls never, ever drink. Tragic
9) Chinese girls don’t shave anything. A FEW shave their legs but NONE OF THEM shave their armpits or their v’s. We obviously knew about the hairy legs/arm pits because we see them EVERYDAY but once Nelly and I once walked into a gym locker room after an aerobics class ended and – well, ….we’ll never look at a Chinese girl the same EVER AGAIN. We didn’t know a bush could be so big…. they’re like afros…. And their nipples – oh my god. Did you know that Chinese girls’ nipples are an inch long?!?! They could poke an eye out. I had NO IDEA. Anyways, we ran out, hugged and cried and cried and cried
10) Chinese girls don’t usually drive cars (but this is actually a good thing because we all know the stereotype) . All of the girls that we work with have never driven a car and are sure that they never will. Their dads and future husbands will drive them anywhere they need to go. Dependency is fun.
1) When Chinese girls are on their periods, (and for a few days after), they can’t wash their hair. Yeah. “If you EVER wash your hair during that WEEK, you will get migraine headaches (or cancer) after you turn 50 years old.” One of the girls at work told us this – we checked with all the other girls and some students and it’s TRUE. They’re so on crack. So, WHY DO THEY BELIEVE THIS?!?! Apparently, “EVERY doctor will tell you that it’s true.”
2) Chinese girls are all “waiting for marriage.”
I work with six girls that are not married. They’re all between the ages of 21 and 35 and yeah, they’re all virgins. And they’re not like America’s dirty, slutty “virgins.” Only two of them have ever even kissed a boy.
Boys on the other hand, are expected to do it before marriage. The girls at my school tell me that boys go to see prostitutes all the time before they’re married (and during, but I’ll get to that later) and it’s “not that bad.”
3) If you don’t get pregnant by the time you’re 30 years old, you’re going to get cancer.
I told you; Chinese doctors are on crack.
4) In my opinion, Chinese girls are generally really, really pretty. They’re all super skinny (Ivy: “only BAD girls weigh more than 50K (110 lbs)”) and have really lovely dark eyes and perfect skin. And, they’re SUPER SWEET. They’re all like perfect catholic school girls, but better…….Which is why IT’S NOT FAIR THAT THEY HAVE TO MARRY SUCH NASTY GUYS!! I’m sorry, but I think I’d rather die than marry a Chinese boy. Why:
Chinese men think it’s cool and lucky to grow really, really long fingernails. Have you seen the last X-Men movie with Sabertooth? …that’s what guys’ nails look like. Yellow/brown, crusty, gross
Moles: they’re cool. Hairy moles: even cooler. Men are super proud of their moles and always have three inch long hairs coming out of them. And then they play with their mole-hair with their nasty fingernails.
They ALL smoke. Ok, technically only 75-85% but it seems like 99%. And they smoke indoors, especially in homes. In China, smoking is good for your health (doctors on crack) and second hand smoke, although “unpleasant” does not hurt anyone. So, that means that men smoke while in bed and in rooms without ventilation while holding their baby.
Due to the smoking, they all have gross yellow teeth. Their teeth are going to be gross anyway (braces, although affordable, are not important and most people don’t brush their teeth) but the smoking makes them soooo much grosser.
They cheat. They all cheat on their wives – I’ll explain why it’s “OK” later.
Chinese men expect oral sex but they don’t “return the favor.” The one married girl at our school told us that her husband has never gone down on her because he says that her “Virginia (yeah, like the state) smells bad.” We told her to buy soap for the first time in her life.
I’m sorry, but they’re ugly. They’re all 5’2” and are gangly-skinny but also somehow flabby at the same time. But now I’m just being mean! HAHAHAAA!!!
5) The biggest reason why I’d rather die than be a Chinese girl: THEY DON’T WEAR TAMPONS. Pads. Only pads. I can’t even tell you how gross Nelly and I think this is.
…what we’re imagining… it’s 95 degrees/90% humidity (because that’s normal in our city) and you’re super sweaty. You have a bush the size of a dinner plate (GIRLS IN CHINA DON’T SHAVE) and you’re on your period. Extreme heat plus hairiest vaginas on the planet plus blood
6) When a Chinese girl finds out that she’s pregnant, she and her husband need to stop having “man-love” (man love is what they call sex) for ONE YEAR. If they have sex even once during the pregnancy, the baby will be in danger.
Nelly spent an hour showing the girls information online showing that it’s safe to have sex THE ENTIRE nine months but the girls don’t believe it. They tell us that we can “ask any doctor in the country.” Crack.
7) So, since a pregnant woman can’t have sex for a full year, it’s totally ok for men to see prostitutes for that year. I’m not kidding. The girls think its ok.
8) Only “bad girls” drink alcohol, which means that girls never, ever drink. Tragic
9) Chinese girls don’t shave anything. A FEW shave their legs but NONE OF THEM shave their armpits or their v’s. We obviously knew about the hairy legs/arm pits because we see them EVERYDAY but once Nelly and I once walked into a gym locker room after an aerobics class ended and – well, ….we’ll never look at a Chinese girl the same EVER AGAIN. We didn’t know a bush could be so big…. they’re like afros…. And their nipples – oh my god. Did you know that Chinese girls’ nipples are an inch long?!?! They could poke an eye out. I had NO IDEA. Anyways, we ran out, hugged and cried and cried and cried
10) Chinese girls don’t usually drive cars (but this is actually a good thing because we all know the stereotype) . All of the girls that we work with have never driven a car and are sure that they never will. Their dads and future husbands will drive them anywhere they need to go. Dependency is fun.
some of my more stranger health problems in China
This is really embarrassing and disgusting: I got a weird, blotchy, red rash all around my eyes. It looked like I was wearing a pink mask. When I freaked out and showed the girls at school, they told me it was because I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I said, NO it’s because I touched something that a nasty person who hadn’t washed their hands for the past thirty years had touched and then I was stupid enough to touch my face. They laughed at me and told me that I just need more sleep.
This is ALSO gross and embarrassing: one morning all four of us woke up and saw that the skin on our hands was peeling – big time! It looked like we had terrible sunburns on the palms of our hands and that they were peeling. It was so gross – the skin just kept sluffing (I HATE THAT WORD) off. I guess we most have touched some terrible chemical and had a reaction – it was so weird!
I once woke up with a super-puffy eye. It was almost swollen shut. It looked exactly like I had been punched in the eye but without the black/blue color. It didn’t hurt, it wasn’t red and there was no pink-eye grossness. Anyway, I panicked because I had no idea what was wrong with me. I ran downstairs and asked all of my Chinese friends what it could be. “Ahhhh, you’ve been drinking too much water!” Yup, they were all 100% sure that one of your eyes will swell up if you drink too much water. Great. They insisted on taking me to a doctor but I refused because I know that the treatment would be something like: drink two cups of ground up chicken toe nails and frog brain paste, mixed with donkey blood and cat placenta.
It ended up that it was a bug bite. The bite itself was so swollen that I couldn’t tell that it was a bite until it got itchy and the swelling started going down. And thank Buddha that it did go down!! Brandon was looking for a new, non-deformed girlfriend and Josh was screaming Quasimodo at me constantly.
This is ALSO gross and embarrassing: one morning all four of us woke up and saw that the skin on our hands was peeling – big time! It looked like we had terrible sunburns on the palms of our hands and that they were peeling. It was so gross – the skin just kept sluffing (I HATE THAT WORD) off. I guess we most have touched some terrible chemical and had a reaction – it was so weird!
I once woke up with a super-puffy eye. It was almost swollen shut. It looked exactly like I had been punched in the eye but without the black/blue color. It didn’t hurt, it wasn’t red and there was no pink-eye grossness. Anyway, I panicked because I had no idea what was wrong with me. I ran downstairs and asked all of my Chinese friends what it could be. “Ahhhh, you’ve been drinking too much water!” Yup, they were all 100% sure that one of your eyes will swell up if you drink too much water. Great. They insisted on taking me to a doctor but I refused because I know that the treatment would be something like: drink two cups of ground up chicken toe nails and frog brain paste, mixed with donkey blood and cat placenta.
It ended up that it was a bug bite. The bite itself was so swollen that I couldn’t tell that it was a bite until it got itchy and the swelling started going down. And thank Buddha that it did go down!! Brandon was looking for a new, non-deformed girlfriend and Josh was screaming Quasimodo at me constantly.
Chinese Medical Advice
If you start to get a cold or have ANYTHING wrong with you: no matter how minor, it’s very important that you go directly to a hospital (they don’t have doctor’s offices – just hospitals). I’ve known my friend Nicole for three months and in those three months she has been to the hospital five times. This is completely normal. All of our friends visit the hospital at least once a month.
When a girl is on her period, she CANNOT wash her hair for any reason. If she does, she will get a range of health problems after she turns 50 years old. If she only washed her hair a few times when she was young and on her period, she will only get migraine headaches. If she washed her hair often, she will get cancer. ALL of our Chinese friends believe this.
If a woman doesn’t get pregnant by 30 years old, she will get cancer.
Oranges are junk food. They’re not good for your health and you should avoid them. Orange juice is even worse than pop.
Eating peanuts will make a man’s penis smaller
This is my favorite: If you sleep with your socks on, you will get a cold or the flu or have more serious health problems.
If you go to sleep with wet hair, you will experience a range of problems later in life. You will have bad eye sight, headaches and “brain problems.”
Standing next to a copy machine is very dangerous for your health.
When a girl is on her period, she CANNOT wash her hair for any reason. If she does, she will get a range of health problems after she turns 50 years old. If she only washed her hair a few times when she was young and on her period, she will only get migraine headaches. If she washed her hair often, she will get cancer. ALL of our Chinese friends believe this.
If a woman doesn’t get pregnant by 30 years old, she will get cancer.
Oranges are junk food. They’re not good for your health and you should avoid them. Orange juice is even worse than pop.
Eating peanuts will make a man’s penis smaller
This is my favorite: If you sleep with your socks on, you will get a cold or the flu or have more serious health problems.
If you go to sleep with wet hair, you will experience a range of problems later in life. You will have bad eye sight, headaches and “brain problems.”
Standing next to a copy machine is very dangerous for your health.
Where are all the disabled people???
We’ve been in SE Asia for almost eight months and between the four of us, we’ve seen three disabled people. We’ve seen one woman in a wheel chair sitting outside her house in Phuket, and two down syndrome babies here in China. And that’s it.
Since there are ZERO wheelchair accessible buildings/stores/anything, we’re guessing that people in wheel chairs must just have to live at home. But then what about people with mental disabilities? We hang out in Guangzhou (a huge city with over 10,000,000 people) at least once a week and we’ve never seen a single disabled person. Do they kill them when they’re babies?????
As usual, I asked my Chinese friends (who are finally getting used to my offensive questions about their culture) and they said that Chinese people are much more healthy than Westerners so they rarely have disabled babies. So there you have it!! There are no disabled children born in a county that has the worst air/water pollution in the entire world, where there’s Lead in EVERYTHING, 75%-85% of men smoke in their homes while their wives are pregnant, and their food has off the charts levels of pesticides. Cool.
Since there are ZERO wheelchair accessible buildings/stores/anything, we’re guessing that people in wheel chairs must just have to live at home. But then what about people with mental disabilities? We hang out in Guangzhou (a huge city with over 10,000,000 people) at least once a week and we’ve never seen a single disabled person. Do they kill them when they’re babies?????
As usual, I asked my Chinese friends (who are finally getting used to my offensive questions about their culture) and they said that Chinese people are much more healthy than Westerners so they rarely have disabled babies. So there you have it!! There are no disabled children born in a county that has the worst air/water pollution in the entire world, where there’s Lead in EVERYTHING, 75%-85% of men smoke in their homes while their wives are pregnant, and their food has off the charts levels of pesticides. Cool.
I'm Pro-Life???
They eat babies in China.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know. I thought it was a racist urban legend too. It’s not. Trust me. The Chinese people that we work with (and our adult students) are very willing to discuss “baby-eating” and are actually the ones that usually bring up the topic because of how funny they think our reactions are.
Here’s why our friends and students think eating babies is a good thing:
-The babies are unwanted by the mother
-The mother (who is commonly single) can make an obscene amount of money. If her baby is alive and healthy, she can get up to 1,000,000 rmb ($144,000 usd). Do you know how much money that is in China?!?! It’s beyond wealthy. BUT, apparently, most babies sell for a small fraction of this price.
-If you eat babies, you won’t get old and wrinkled. And, eating babies makes you have a strong libido.
Here’s the good news: most Chinese people cannot afford to buy live babies to eat. So, they purchase aborted fetuses from hospitals and they settle for just placentas.
Bad news: There are most definitely people that can afford live babies. From what we’ve heard, it’s 100% legal and doctors support the practice because they think it’s good for your body and because the purchaser and mother are supposed to give the doctor a “cut” of the payment. In fact, the way that most babies are sold is that the doctor arranges the whole deal including dropping off the baby to the purchasers.
Apparently it’s best to eat a baby that’s 1-3 days old so it’s a little bigger than a newborn. This means the purchasers keep it alive and feed it for a couple days. Then, it’s very important that the baby be killed by placing it into boiling water. Why? Because APPARENTLY there’s a chemical that is released in bodies of people that are boiled alive that has health benefits for the people consuming the “meat.” So then, that water and baby are used to make “a lot of soup.”
So, obviously, I think this is the most awful thing I’ve ever heard of. So its been really strange being on the other side of of a pro-life argument. Because, that’s exactly what Chinese people think this is about – they think that killing/eating live babies is exactly the same an abortion. I’ve always been 100% pro-choice and I think that waaaaaay more people should be having abortions: BUT not this kind of “abortion!” Anyways, moving on, the good news is that baby eating isn’t too widespread in China. It’s mostly within the Gungdong province and surrounding areas.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know. I thought it was a racist urban legend too. It’s not. Trust me. The Chinese people that we work with (and our adult students) are very willing to discuss “baby-eating” and are actually the ones that usually bring up the topic because of how funny they think our reactions are.
Here’s why our friends and students think eating babies is a good thing:
-The babies are unwanted by the mother
-The mother (who is commonly single) can make an obscene amount of money. If her baby is alive and healthy, she can get up to 1,000,000 rmb ($144,000 usd). Do you know how much money that is in China?!?! It’s beyond wealthy. BUT, apparently, most babies sell for a small fraction of this price.
-If you eat babies, you won’t get old and wrinkled. And, eating babies makes you have a strong libido.
Here’s the good news: most Chinese people cannot afford to buy live babies to eat. So, they purchase aborted fetuses from hospitals and they settle for just placentas.
Bad news: There are most definitely people that can afford live babies. From what we’ve heard, it’s 100% legal and doctors support the practice because they think it’s good for your body and because the purchaser and mother are supposed to give the doctor a “cut” of the payment. In fact, the way that most babies are sold is that the doctor arranges the whole deal including dropping off the baby to the purchasers.
Apparently it’s best to eat a baby that’s 1-3 days old so it’s a little bigger than a newborn. This means the purchasers keep it alive and feed it for a couple days. Then, it’s very important that the baby be killed by placing it into boiling water. Why? Because APPARENTLY there’s a chemical that is released in bodies of people that are boiled alive that has health benefits for the people consuming the “meat.” So then, that water and baby are used to make “a lot of soup.”
So, obviously, I think this is the most awful thing I’ve ever heard of. So its been really strange being on the other side of of a pro-life argument. Because, that’s exactly what Chinese people think this is about – they think that killing/eating live babies is exactly the same an abortion. I’ve always been 100% pro-choice and I think that waaaaaay more people should be having abortions: BUT not this kind of “abortion!” Anyways, moving on, the good news is that baby eating isn’t too widespread in China. It’s mostly within the Gungdong province and surrounding areas.
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