There isn't toilet paper or soap in a single public restroom in this country. Restaurants charge you 1-3 yuan if you request a napkin. Grocery stores charge 1 yuan for a plastic bag for your groceries. Nothing is free in China except for one thing: puke bags. And they're everywhere. We've taken the most ghetto, gross buses in the world but even they have 100s of free puke bags in three different places on the bus. Why? It's 100% necessary; Chinese people are pukers – big-time.
I don't know what it is; they're just always throwing up. Of course the bus and bus stops are the worst places but it doesn't stop there. There's rice puke-piles (as we now call them) outside of grocery stores (and in grocery stores), everywhere alongside roads and in most public restrooms.
Why?! I don't think it's the filthy, unsanitary food because I'm eating the same thing and it's not making me puke (anymore). Everyone has Hep here – does that cause puking?? We asked an English speaking chinese guy about all the throwing up and he told us that Chinese women (not men) throw up commonly because they have thinner skin than men which causes the nerve that runs from the top to bottom of their forehead to become misaligned easily and this misalignment causes upset stomachs and throwing up. And, he said western women also have thicker skin than Chinese women so that's why white girls aren’t always throwing up. Yeah. The craziest thing about this is that Brandon got through the whole explanation without busting up laughing.
Apr 16, 2010
Chinese people and elevators
Americans stereotype Asians as super brainy math nerds, right? Maybe it’s Koreans or the Japanese that are super smart but it’s certainly not the Chinese. I’ve never met such retarded people in my entire life. My favorite stupid thing that all Chinese people do is misuse elevators.
Ok so you’re on the 8th floor of a building and you want to go down to the first floor so you’d press the down button, right? But what if you can see that the elevator is currently on the 3rd floor? You’d OBVIOUSLY still press the down button. …but not if you’re Chinese. Your average Chinese people seems to ALL think that you need to press the UP button to get the elevator to “come up to you.” I’m not kidding. So here’s what CONSTANTLY happens: I’ll get into our apartment building’s elevator on the 1st floor (I live on the 24th floor) and on my way up, the elevator will stop a million freaking times on every floor that a retarded Chinese person pressed the up button even though they clearly wanted to go down. But since they could see that the elevator was below them, they pressed the up button. So, the elevator will stop on the 3rd floor and a Chinese person will get in (while simultaneously holding a crying baby, some beer and a lit cigarette) and after a minute they’ll realize that the elevator is going up. So, of course, they’ll press buttons until the elevator stops and lets them off on the 6th floor or whatever. Then, on the 15th floor the same thing will F’ING happen with another retarded person. Basically, it’s faster to take the stairs to the 24th floor rather than deal with all the retardedness.
The other thing that really bothers us – Chinese people ALWAYS shove their way into an elevator before they’ll let you get out. It drives us crazy. Oh and then there’s the smoking. Soooo many times I’ve had to get out of an elevator too early just to escape the smoke. How is it ok to puff away in a 10’x5’x5’metal box?!
Ok so you’re on the 8th floor of a building and you want to go down to the first floor so you’d press the down button, right? But what if you can see that the elevator is currently on the 3rd floor? You’d OBVIOUSLY still press the down button. …but not if you’re Chinese. Your average Chinese people seems to ALL think that you need to press the UP button to get the elevator to “come up to you.” I’m not kidding. So here’s what CONSTANTLY happens: I’ll get into our apartment building’s elevator on the 1st floor (I live on the 24th floor) and on my way up, the elevator will stop a million freaking times on every floor that a retarded Chinese person pressed the up button even though they clearly wanted to go down. But since they could see that the elevator was below them, they pressed the up button. So, the elevator will stop on the 3rd floor and a Chinese person will get in (while simultaneously holding a crying baby, some beer and a lit cigarette) and after a minute they’ll realize that the elevator is going up. So, of course, they’ll press buttons until the elevator stops and lets them off on the 6th floor or whatever. Then, on the 15th floor the same thing will F’ING happen with another retarded person. Basically, it’s faster to take the stairs to the 24th floor rather than deal with all the retardedness.
The other thing that really bothers us – Chinese people ALWAYS shove their way into an elevator before they’ll let you get out. It drives us crazy. Oh and then there’s the smoking. Soooo many times I’ve had to get out of an elevator too early just to escape the smoke. How is it ok to puff away in a 10’x5’x5’metal box?!
She aint nothing but a gold digger
“He’s very ugly but he’s rich. –Margaret (one of our TAs)
Chinese girls are really, really open about marrying for money rather than love. In fact, it seems like they think it’s something to be proud of. I’ve tried explaining a few times about how it’s embarrassing to be a gold digger in America and how 20 year old girls pretend to be in love with their 60 year old boyfriends rather than admit that they’re in it for the presents and money.
Sarah: “why would they lie? There’s nothing wrong with wanting a nice house and expensive clothes.”
Mariel: “because it’s embarrassing! Everyone would think that you’re greedy and a bad person!
Sarah: “WHY?!”
Chinese girls are really, really open about marrying for money rather than love. In fact, it seems like they think it’s something to be proud of. I’ve tried explaining a few times about how it’s embarrassing to be a gold digger in America and how 20 year old girls pretend to be in love with their 60 year old boyfriends rather than admit that they’re in it for the presents and money.
Sarah: “why would they lie? There’s nothing wrong with wanting a nice house and expensive clothes.”
Mariel: “because it’s embarrassing! Everyone would think that you’re greedy and a bad person!
Sarah: “WHY?!”
Stair flowers!
Our old gym in Nanhai got shut down!!!! Either the building was condemned (I don’t know if they do that in China but in America, that building would DEFINITELY be knocked down) or it was too shitty for even Chinese people and it was shut down. This gym was PATHETIC and super dirty. It had no cardio equipment other than some half busted tredmills and all the free weights were covered in this black tar stuff that took forever to scrub off your hands. PLUS, it was only open from 9am-11am and 2pm-8pm and it was closed on one or two random days every week. #%!*$@& Chinese businesses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!
So the stairs – this is how I mainly exercise now. Both places we’ve lived in have been in 24-story buildings so every morning (ok, almost every morning) I go up the stairs four times. I know, I’m awesome!! The only cool thing about doing this is that I always find flowers!!! Ok, so Chinese almost all live in 20+ story apartment buildings and they dump all of their trash in the stairwells (yeah, I know) and for whatever reason, Chinese girls get a lot ( A LOT) of flowers which they seem to throw away while they’re still fresh. So, literally every day I see bouquets of flowers in the stairwells and if the flowers are pretty, I collect them. Most bouquets in china are covered with glitter (same as their clothes, makeup, and cell phones) so I don’t take those flowers but sometimes I find un-glittered roses, lilies, gerber daisies and orchids. It’s awesome!!! Brandon said that on my birthday he’s going to climb the stairs before I do so that he can get me flowers – so romantic!
So the stairs – this is how I mainly exercise now. Both places we’ve lived in have been in 24-story buildings so every morning (ok, almost every morning) I go up the stairs four times. I know, I’m awesome!! The only cool thing about doing this is that I always find flowers!!! Ok, so Chinese almost all live in 20+ story apartment buildings and they dump all of their trash in the stairwells (yeah, I know) and for whatever reason, Chinese girls get a lot ( A LOT) of flowers which they seem to throw away while they’re still fresh. So, literally every day I see bouquets of flowers in the stairwells and if the flowers are pretty, I collect them. Most bouquets in china are covered with glitter (same as their clothes, makeup, and cell phones) so I don’t take those flowers but sometimes I find un-glittered roses, lilies, gerber daisies and orchids. It’s awesome!!! Brandon said that on my birthday he’s going to climb the stairs before I do so that he can get me flowers – so romantic!
Saying inappropriate things in public - my fav thing about China
Yeah, all Chinese people have had 12 years (or more) of English classes from the public schools but seriously NO ONE speaks English. Other than our school’s employees, we pretty much NEVER meet anyone that can muster anything other than “hallo” “haw ah youuuu?” “you ahhh beautiful” and MAYBE numbers 1-5. The one great thing about this is that we get to have incredibly inappropriate conversations in public places. You wouldn’t believe how fun it is for Nelly and me to loudly discuss sex stories while two old ladies are sitting between us on a packed bus. The only real problem about doing this is that we’ve gotten waaaaaaaay to used to doing it and I’m sure when we’re back in America we’re going to slip up A LOT. Like in Hong Kong – EVERYONE speaks excellent English there (because it’s not really china) and there are loads of foreigners but we still always forget and end up embarrassing ourselves.
Nelly: Ryan is so hot!! I would TOTALLY swallow his cum!
Josh: we’ve been together for two years and you won’t even give me head!
Nelly: I TOLD YOU! Shave your ball afro and I will!
Mariel: He still doesn’t?! you’re such an inconsiderate jerk – she shaves everything for you!
Nelly: You should see his bush – it’s huge! Like enormous. I sweartogod his ball hair is four inches long!
Mariel: Oh. My. God. I didn’t know that ball hair could get that long!! GROSS!
At this very moment I looked over and two white guys were standing three feet away and laughing at us.
_____________
On a bus:
Josh: Condoms make your dick so gross! Have you ever given a guy head after he blew a load in a condom?
Mariel: No!
Nelly: have you?!
Josh: NO! Well, I don’t know if it smells as bad as it tastes but….
Mariel, Brandon, Nelly: HAAAAAHHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
Nelly: Ryan is so hot!! I would TOTALLY swallow his cum!
Josh: we’ve been together for two years and you won’t even give me head!
Nelly: I TOLD YOU! Shave your ball afro and I will!
Mariel: He still doesn’t?! you’re such an inconsiderate jerk – she shaves everything for you!
Nelly: You should see his bush – it’s huge! Like enormous. I sweartogod his ball hair is four inches long!
Mariel: Oh. My. God. I didn’t know that ball hair could get that long!! GROSS!
At this very moment I looked over and two white guys were standing three feet away and laughing at us.
_____________
On a bus:
Josh: Condoms make your dick so gross! Have you ever given a guy head after he blew a load in a condom?
Mariel: No!
Nelly: have you?!
Josh: NO! Well, I don’t know if it smells as bad as it tastes but….
Mariel, Brandon, Nelly: HAAAAAHHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
Riding in buses with Chinese People
Ummmmm, riding in a Chinese bus is worse than what I imagine waterboarding must be like.
Most Chinese people don’t bathe everyday and NONE of them wash their clothes often enough or wear deodorant which makes the buss’s air almost unbearable on a hot day. It smells like urine, BO and rotting balls.
Chinese busses have 10 single seats in the front and 12 double seats in the back. Even though there are 12 seats in the back, you pretty much NEVER see more than 6 people sitting. Even on super crowded busses where there are 25 people crammed in and standing, NO ONE that has one of those double seats will let someone sit next to them. They always put their bag or jacket on the seat next to them and refuse to move it. WHY?!?!?!
Have I mentioned how Chinese people speak (I mean yell) on their phones? Ok, so picture ten Chinese people (definitely including the driver) screaming into their phones at all times on a bus.
Almost all Chinese busses have radios. The bus wont have shocks or well functioning breaks, but it’ll have a radio AND loud ass speakers. Do you know what Chinese pop music sounds like? Like I said: waterboarding.
We’ve stopped offering our seats to old people and pregnant women. No one else does it and the person never accepts it anyway.
Babies. Peeing on the floor. On the bus. Everywhere.
And then there’s the constant Puking. But that’s everywhere in China.
Bus drivers drive me crazy. They’re always on their phone and driving super erratically (probably part of the reason why there’s always so many pukers on the bus). They also pull over to take breaks or buy lottery tickets and cigarettes whenever they feel like it too.
There is one thing about Chinese busses that I LOVE. When someone gets out of their seat to leave, a person that wants to sit down will stand near the empty seat and every ten seconds or so they will touch the seat with their hand (GROSS) and after a minute or so, they’ll sit down. I asked my friends why Chinese people always do this and it’s because they think that if they sit in a warm seat, they’ll get a disease so they have to wait until the seat has cooled off. Yeah, really. Seriously 100% of people believe this. The great thing about this is that it’s really easy to steal open seats. Nelly and I love to shove past the waiting crazy person (shoving is totally ok in china) and just sit down. No one has ever said anything to us because they think we didn’t know that they were just waiting for the diseases to disappear AND they don’t speak any English anyway. It’s awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most Chinese people don’t bathe everyday and NONE of them wash their clothes often enough or wear deodorant which makes the buss’s air almost unbearable on a hot day. It smells like urine, BO and rotting balls.
Chinese busses have 10 single seats in the front and 12 double seats in the back. Even though there are 12 seats in the back, you pretty much NEVER see more than 6 people sitting. Even on super crowded busses where there are 25 people crammed in and standing, NO ONE that has one of those double seats will let someone sit next to them. They always put their bag or jacket on the seat next to them and refuse to move it. WHY?!?!?!
Have I mentioned how Chinese people speak (I mean yell) on their phones? Ok, so picture ten Chinese people (definitely including the driver) screaming into their phones at all times on a bus.
Almost all Chinese busses have radios. The bus wont have shocks or well functioning breaks, but it’ll have a radio AND loud ass speakers. Do you know what Chinese pop music sounds like? Like I said: waterboarding.
We’ve stopped offering our seats to old people and pregnant women. No one else does it and the person never accepts it anyway.
Babies. Peeing on the floor. On the bus. Everywhere.
And then there’s the constant Puking. But that’s everywhere in China.
Bus drivers drive me crazy. They’re always on their phone and driving super erratically (probably part of the reason why there’s always so many pukers on the bus). They also pull over to take breaks or buy lottery tickets and cigarettes whenever they feel like it too.
There is one thing about Chinese busses that I LOVE. When someone gets out of their seat to leave, a person that wants to sit down will stand near the empty seat and every ten seconds or so they will touch the seat with their hand (GROSS) and after a minute or so, they’ll sit down. I asked my friends why Chinese people always do this and it’s because they think that if they sit in a warm seat, they’ll get a disease so they have to wait until the seat has cooled off. Yeah, really. Seriously 100% of people believe this. The great thing about this is that it’s really easy to steal open seats. Nelly and I love to shove past the waiting crazy person (shoving is totally ok in china) and just sit down. No one has ever said anything to us because they think we didn’t know that they were just waiting for the diseases to disappear AND they don’t speak any English anyway. It’s awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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