It’s really hard not brutally murdering your boss

Our school fucked us over. Big time.

On the last day of our contract, Brandon, Josh, Nelly and I were owed 21,833 RMB each ($3,235. each!!!!) for our last month’s salary, flight reimbursement, bonus (which we fully qualified for according to our contracts) and deposits. Long story short, our boss decided to just pay us for our last month’s salary and screw us over on the rest.

We’re all still in shock about the whole situation. We were promised this money, we have contracts, but our boss didn’t care. I think in total, we spent about 11 hours arguing with our boss over the phone – through his 21 yr old son and our boss’s 25 yr old girlfriend, May (our boss is like 50 and married to a different slut!) – because he was SITTING OUTSIDE the school in his van refusing to face any of us. Yeah, I’m serious, what a FREAK! I’ve never in my life encountered such unprofessional, rude, heartless people in my life. GOD! If that whore May laughed in our faces one more time, Nelly and I were going to shove her 4 inch glittered heel through her skull!! AHHH!!!

God, it was such a mess and SO PAINFUL. The blatant lying from our boss was endless. At one point in the 11-hour negotiations, our Boss was seeming more amiable and told us that if we taught a couple more classes for free (our contracts were over but the semester wasn’t), he’d give us our full bonuses (5,000RMB/$740.USD each). Of course we immediately agreed and our boss’s son shook Brandon’s hand and promised (PROMISED!!) that we’d get that money. Guess what happened. I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE THAT WE LET CHINESE PEOPLE PLAY US LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!

Their reason for not paying us? They had so many excuses but the first that they tried was that we were “bad teachers.” Brandon and I luckily saved ALL of the reviews that each of our students filled out. Averaging all of our scores, Brandon was at 98% and I had a 97% along with hundreds of great comments from the kids. Then, we had ten months worth reviews from our managers which averaged 95%. We showed all of these to our boss’s son (who reported to his Dad who was sitting out in the f’ing van) and he just said that our students/managers were just being polite (mind you, our boss or his son had never seen us teach). So, we asked the boss’s son to sit-in on our classes (teaching students for FREE by the way). Of course, we taught the best classes we’ve EVER taught and did a PERFECT job. Our boss’s son couldn’t deny it, he said we were great teachers so then he moved on to a different reason for not paying us.

“The school gave you free housing for the past ten months – you owe us money!” WTF?! It says in our contracts that we’re to receive free housing and utilities! Since when does ANY teacher in China have to pay for housing? Well, after several other tries, this is the excuse they settled on. We argued and argued but there was nothing we could do. Chinese people don’t respond to logic (or contracts) and they correctly pointed out to us that if we try contacting the police, they’ll just need to pay them off with 200 rmb ($29.00).

Oh my god. The four of us need therapy. Do you know what arguing over money we’ve already earned with lying, manipulating, ass-hole Chinese people will do to a person after 11 hours?! All four of us are still having violent dreams about torturing and murdering our boss, his two sons (one of which is only five) and that whore-girlfriend.

This whole experience has for sure been one of the worst experiences of my life. We told all of our Australian/British friends in China what happened and they all said something close to “duh!!” Apparently it’s rare to not get screwed on your last paycheck from a Chinese school and that most people expect it and even factor it into their budgets. I guess it’s our own faults for not seeing this coming. Fuck you Chinese people. You win. I give up.

It's really hard not being home!

AMURICAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Dear America, I need to apologize. I had no idea how f’ing awesome you were.

In less than a week after moving to China, I had a total epiphany – America is the best country everrrrrrr!!

See, I didn’t know it before. When I thought of America, I thought of Bill O’Riley, Ann Coulter, Lynndie England, Cheney and Palin. I thought of fundamentalist evangelical Christians, Proposition 8, capital punishment, anti-stem cell research protesters, uneducated morons teaching Intelligent Design and abstinence-only, gun violence and pedophile catholic priests. I pretty much hated America. In fact, the original title of this blog was “Escape from the US.”

So all those people and things I just listed, they’re awful. But I learned that it can be worse, like waaaay worse. China. I can’t even explain to you how fucked this country is. I mean, come on, they block facebook!

Living in China was worse than what I imagine American prison to be. Our prisons at least have soft beds, great gyms, decent food, muscley men and English-speaking TV stations. God, China, fuck you! You ruined my life for ten f’ing months and I don’t even have a pile of cash to show for all that suffering – I think I was getting paid in rice.

I CAN’T WAIT TO BE BACK IN AMERICA!! I’m even going to totally LOVE stuff that I used to hate! For example, I’m SUPER EXCITED to see hundreds of HUGE, overly jacked-up, gas-guzzling, mud-covered Ford and Chevy trucks with “I bleed red, white & blue” and Dale Earnhart bumper stickers and full gun-racks driven by obese, red necks with eagle, “Jesus is Lord” and swastika tattoos in my home town – Battle Ground, Washington. YES!!! God bless America!!

You think I’m joking don’t you? I’m definitely not!! I now love everything American and hate everything Chinese. F’ing china. They don’t even have FORTUNE COOKIES here! I’ve eaten in a Chinese restaurant everyday for ten months - China, you owe me A LOT of fucking fortune cookies.

It's really hard breathing when you know it's killing you

China prolly gave me cancer. Our city (Shunde) has the highest cancer rate in the country – 45%. Yeah, 45% of people living in Shunde get cancer. Since people are too stupid to MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THIS CITY, they’re also too stupid to figure out what’s causing the high cancer rate. The water? The pollution? The pesticides? When we ask about it, everyone always says “no one knows.” This includes two of Brandon’s students who are Doctors.

It's really hard knowing that China's air drifts over to the rest of the world

FUCK YOU NATURE!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you seen that episode of South Park where the Japanese people travel around the world killing dolphins and whales and yelling “FUCK YOU DOLPHIN AND WHALE!!!!!?” Ok, well if the Chinese were in this episode, they’d be yelling “FUCK YOU NATURE!!!!!!!!”

The littering here – you wouldn’t believe it!!! The amount of trash on the ground is shocking. Chinese people litter CONSTANTLY. They just drop whatever is in their little, dirty, yellow hands (HAHAHAHAAA) or just chuck it out of their car or bus window. One time I bought all of my students ice cream (it was chocolate/jellied aloe flavor) from a 7-11 type store. They all just pulled the wrappers off and dropped them. I yelled at them to pick them up (there was a trash can like 5 feet away) but they wouldn’t!!! I had to do it!



There are no emission laws in this country. Cars/tucks/buses just spew pollution like you’ve never seen before. And no one cares!! The pollution is crazy-thick here. We’ve seen patches of blue sky less than ten times in the past nine months in China and we’ve only seen stars once. The air is so thick. And the black pollution covers everything. We have to line-dry ALL of our clothes (there are no dryers in china) inside of our apartment because if we leave them outside to dry, they’ll be super dirty after just a few hours in that air. Oh, and my boogers are always black too! (Kai, do you love that?!)

Our apartment complex used to have over 300 trees surrounding it. How do I know how many? Because I went to the 23rd floor, looked down, and counted 300+ holes in the ground. They ripped them all out about five months ago. Why? Because: FUCK YOU NATURE!!!!!

"It's really hard" description of every bed in this country!

My back and shoulders are killing me!! Do you know how hard Chinese beds are?! It’s a joke! They look like regular, mattress but they don’t feel like it at all. On the top where you sleep, the mattresses have a sheet of wood with a 1/8” thick layer of felt stapled to that and covered in the mattresses’ floral-print fabric. Chinese mattresses are ALL THE SAME and they’re the DEVIL. And why do Chinese people sleep on devil beds? ...because Chinese doctors tell people that sleeping on a completely hard, flat bed will make you live longer. Morons. I want my memory foam!