China accounts for just three percent of the world's cars, yet has 21 percent of the world's traffic fatalities. “Research shows that every day in China at least 300 people are killed in traffic accidents, ranking the country top in the world for both the death toll and the death rate. And the figure is accelerating by 10 per cent every year."
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST – I hate Chinese drivers! Seriously, the government should outlaw cars. These people are 100% incapable of any component of driving. Turn signals, mirrors, seatbelts and children's car seats are never, ever ever used. Drivers don't stop at stop signs or lights, they never stay between the lines, they make U turns in the middle of the road (not really a u-turn – more like a six-point turn), they swerve like you've never seen before, they're always texting/talking on the phone while driving, they stop (in the middle of two lanes) on the highways, they drive drunk CONSTANTLY and they're pretty much always driving waaaaaaaay under the the speed limit. Chinese roads, parking lots and even sidewalks (why do they think it's ok to drive a car on a fucking sidewalk?!?!?!) are like war zones.
Watching people try to park their cars is one of Brandon's and my favorite hobbies in china. We've seen people park their cars in the center of a lane of traffic. We've seen people park on sidewalks. We've seen one car literally park diagonal and take up three parking spaces. And then there's parallel parking. Before I leave, I NEED to make a video of a Chinese person trying to parallel park. Usually, it involves the driver smashing into the cars in front and behind about 30 times and ends 10 minutes later with the driver pulling out of the spot and just parking with their car's ass hanging straight out into the street. It's awesome!!!
Crossing a street in China is SUPER hazardous. You never know where a car could be coming from (they're always driving on the wrong side of the road or hauling ass out of parking spots) and you better believe that NO ONE is going to slow down or swerve to avoid hitting you. I've probably spent a total of 15 hours in the past nine months waiting to cross streets in China. FUCK!!!!
Every foreigner has crazy driving stories. My favorite is when one of Brandon's business English students drove us to go play badminton. The gym that we were going to was about six miles away. It took us 25 minutes to get there. People on bikes were passing us! No, there wasn't any traffic, or construction and we didn't get lost. She was just a retarded Chinese driver.
Jun 25, 2010
I just couldn't possibly say it better myself!
I borrowed this from a China expat forum:
“I live in china right now and I can honestly say that from my experience, most of the people are obsessed with becoming rich and will claw and cheat their way to the top. It’s a dirty, overcrowded, rude atmosphere. The people are kind to me because I’m a foreigner but I see them treat one another like crap on a daily basis. I find myself saying hello to maintenance staff rather than acknowledging the existence of businessmen because I find those who have attained some sort of power in this country to be wretched human beings. The regular people are great, albeit uneducated and all the frustrations that brings, but it is the richest of the Chinese that are cruel, abusive human beings. Such is communism, I suppose.”
“I live in china right now and I can honestly say that from my experience, most of the people are obsessed with becoming rich and will claw and cheat their way to the top. It’s a dirty, overcrowded, rude atmosphere. The people are kind to me because I’m a foreigner but I see them treat one another like crap on a daily basis. I find myself saying hello to maintenance staff rather than acknowledging the existence of businessmen because I find those who have attained some sort of power in this country to be wretched human beings. The regular people are great, albeit uneducated and all the frustrations that brings, but it is the richest of the Chinese that are cruel, abusive human beings. Such is communism, I suppose.”
After going into a gross, nasty, very-chinese bathroom:
Mariel: Don't worry, I brought soap!!
Nelly: Thank god!
Eveny: You carry soap with you?!
Mariel: of course, because there’s no soap in Chinese bathrooms. Do you want some?
Eveny: (laughing) No, thank you (Nelly and I exchange grossed-out glances)
I'm not kidding, this is what eveny says: Why are you washing your hands with soap?
Mariel: Nelly and I rate bathrooms on an A, B, C scale in SE Asia. An “A bathroom” means that you'll only get Hepatitus A from using it. A “B” bathroom means that you'll get Hep A and B from using it. A “C bathroom” means that you'll get all three. This was definitely a “C bathroom.”
Eveny: hahahaahahaaa!!
Mariel: You know, in America, all bathrooms have soap and toilet paper
Eveny: WOW!!
Mariel: and EVERYONE washes their hands. In fact, if you work in a restaurant and you're seen not washing your hands in a bathroom before returning to work, you'll get fired.
Eveny: WHAT??? That's terrible! Why?
Mariel/Nelly: Because it’s DISGUSTING!
Eveny: What if you work in a restaurant and you eat and drink too much and you have to go to the bathroom 10 times. Do you have to wash your hands ten times?
Mariel/Nelly: ABSOLUTELY!
Eveny: WOW! So strange!
Nelly: Thank god!
Eveny: You carry soap with you?!
Mariel: of course, because there’s no soap in Chinese bathrooms. Do you want some?
Eveny: (laughing) No, thank you (Nelly and I exchange grossed-out glances)
I'm not kidding, this is what eveny says: Why are you washing your hands with soap?
Mariel: Nelly and I rate bathrooms on an A, B, C scale in SE Asia. An “A bathroom” means that you'll only get Hepatitus A from using it. A “B” bathroom means that you'll get Hep A and B from using it. A “C bathroom” means that you'll get all three. This was definitely a “C bathroom.”
Eveny: hahahaahahaaa!!
Mariel: You know, in America, all bathrooms have soap and toilet paper
Eveny: WOW!!
Mariel: and EVERYONE washes their hands. In fact, if you work in a restaurant and you're seen not washing your hands in a bathroom before returning to work, you'll get fired.
Eveny: WHAT??? That's terrible! Why?
Mariel/Nelly: Because it’s DISGUSTING!
Eveny: What if you work in a restaurant and you eat and drink too much and you have to go to the bathroom 10 times. Do you have to wash your hands ten times?
Mariel/Nelly: ABSOLUTELY!
Eveny: WOW! So strange!
Here's the best conversation I've ever heard:
Nelly: I have something that's going to change your world (giving Icy a Tampon)
Icy: What is it?
Nelly: A tampon, you use it rather than a pad
Icy: Screaming: It's SO BIG!!
-icy is crazy because it’s one of those tiny OB tampons that's thinner than your pinky finger and only 1.5 inches long
Nelly: you have to try it. You'll never want to use a pad ever again!
Icy: Never, never, never!!!!!!
Nelly: Pleasseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! You'll love it!! Do it for me! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Icy: only if you'll try a pad
Nelly and Mariel: EWWWWWWWW!!!!!! Grossssssssssssssssssssss!!!
Nelly: FINE, I’ll try a pad if you'll try a tampon
Icy: but wait, when you use a tampon, how do you go pee?
Nelly: What? Why would you not be able to pee?
Icy: because the tampon blocks it
Icy: What is it?
Nelly: A tampon, you use it rather than a pad
Icy: Screaming: It's SO BIG!!
-icy is crazy because it’s one of those tiny OB tampons that's thinner than your pinky finger and only 1.5 inches long
Nelly: you have to try it. You'll never want to use a pad ever again!
Icy: Never, never, never!!!!!!
Nelly: Pleasseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! You'll love it!! Do it for me! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Icy: only if you'll try a pad
Nelly and Mariel: EWWWWWWWW!!!!!! Grossssssssssssssssssssss!!!
Nelly: FINE, I’ll try a pad if you'll try a tampon
Icy: but wait, when you use a tampon, how do you go pee?
Nelly: What? Why would you not be able to pee?
Icy: because the tampon blocks it
It's really hard teaching English in China. So, what's it like?
Brandon, Nelly, Josh and I have been in Foshan China working for a Chinese-owned English training center for both children and adults for nine months now. Here's the dealio:
Getting the job was super easy. Schools in Mainland China don't care about your lack of teaching qualifications. They don't care about your criminal background as a convicted rapist or pedophile. They don't care that you never graduated from high school. It doesn't matter if you're an alcoholic. And they don't care if your first language isn't English. There's only one thing that matters: that you're white. They want blonde teachers with blue or green eyes. That's the ideal. They'll settle for brunettes but if you have black hair – good luck. If you're Black or Asian, it's going to be nearly impossible for you to find a teaching job making a fair amount of money even if you're a legitimate, certified teacher.
Once you have the job, you almost always have to sign a contract. This is because the Chinese company (schools are companies here) wants to be able to treat you like absolute crap without having to worry about you quitting. See, the contract allows the school to hold a percentage of your paycheck every month and then at the end of the contract (most contracts are for ten or twelve months), they're supposed to return it to you as a reward for staying until the end. Nice bonus: they pay you your own money that you've already earned. Brandon, Josh, Nelly and I are all in a ten-month contract from September until June 30th. Its been the longest ten months of my life.
The arguing and fighing is constant. Our company HATES us: they're used to idiot teachers that just bend over and take it but we've been fighting back with almost everything. We're not asking for anything other than for them to follow the contract!! We just want to be paid for overtime hours, paid on time, given our housing/gym allowance, given our cell phones as promised, given access to showers that have at least warm water in the freezing winter, and paid on the last day of our contracts rather than a month later like they're proposing.
As for the students, I bet you're imagining adorable, big-cheeked, disciplined, respectful kids because that's what I pictured before I came to China. So, picture this: super dirty, loud, rude, violent, spitting/coughing, BRATS that won't listen to a thing you say. That's what we have. Yes, most of the girls are super sweet (although still crazy dirty) but it's hard to focus on them when the rest of the class is so evil.
And we don't even make good money here!!! Our pay has increased from 7,000 rmb to 9,500rmb over the past nine months. I know, pathetic. I used to make double working at a non-profit! But the good thing is that the cost of living is next to nothing. Our school provides free housing and utilities so our only real expense is food (which is between $1.-$3./meal) and traveling.
“This sounds terrible?! Why do you stay?” I knowwww, and the worst part is… you have to live in China too!! So why have I stayed? One reason: Brandon. Yes, he's miserable here too but he has wanted to stay because of the money. I know, it's dogshit money but because of the low cost of living (and the lack of anything worth buying), he has been able to save more money than he ever has before. At least he knows that he owes me (BIGTIME) for staying here with him!
PS- I know this is a terribly-written post. I'm Drunk!!!
Getting the job was super easy. Schools in Mainland China don't care about your lack of teaching qualifications. They don't care about your criminal background as a convicted rapist or pedophile. They don't care that you never graduated from high school. It doesn't matter if you're an alcoholic. And they don't care if your first language isn't English. There's only one thing that matters: that you're white. They want blonde teachers with blue or green eyes. That's the ideal. They'll settle for brunettes but if you have black hair – good luck. If you're Black or Asian, it's going to be nearly impossible for you to find a teaching job making a fair amount of money even if you're a legitimate, certified teacher.
Once you have the job, you almost always have to sign a contract. This is because the Chinese company (schools are companies here) wants to be able to treat you like absolute crap without having to worry about you quitting. See, the contract allows the school to hold a percentage of your paycheck every month and then at the end of the contract (most contracts are for ten or twelve months), they're supposed to return it to you as a reward for staying until the end. Nice bonus: they pay you your own money that you've already earned. Brandon, Josh, Nelly and I are all in a ten-month contract from September until June 30th. Its been the longest ten months of my life.
The arguing and fighing is constant. Our company HATES us: they're used to idiot teachers that just bend over and take it but we've been fighting back with almost everything. We're not asking for anything other than for them to follow the contract!! We just want to be paid for overtime hours, paid on time, given our housing/gym allowance, given our cell phones as promised, given access to showers that have at least warm water in the freezing winter, and paid on the last day of our contracts rather than a month later like they're proposing.
As for the students, I bet you're imagining adorable, big-cheeked, disciplined, respectful kids because that's what I pictured before I came to China. So, picture this: super dirty, loud, rude, violent, spitting/coughing, BRATS that won't listen to a thing you say. That's what we have. Yes, most of the girls are super sweet (although still crazy dirty) but it's hard to focus on them when the rest of the class is so evil.
And we don't even make good money here!!! Our pay has increased from 7,000 rmb to 9,500rmb over the past nine months. I know, pathetic. I used to make double working at a non-profit! But the good thing is that the cost of living is next to nothing. Our school provides free housing and utilities so our only real expense is food (which is between $1.-$3./meal) and traveling.
“This sounds terrible?! Why do you stay?” I knowwww, and the worst part is… you have to live in China too!! So why have I stayed? One reason: Brandon. Yes, he's miserable here too but he has wanted to stay because of the money. I know, it's dogshit money but because of the low cost of living (and the lack of anything worth buying), he has been able to save more money than he ever has before. At least he knows that he owes me (BIGTIME) for staying here with him!
PS- I know this is a terribly-written post. I'm Drunk!!!
It's really hard living with SAVAGES!!
“A 2003 study reported by CNN revealed that bank notes from China had 178,000 different types of bacteria and were home to 9,500 organisms from the e-coli family (Brown, 2003)."
We've all heard those crazy stats that 99.9% of all American money has fecal matter on it, right? I used to doubt that this was really true – I mean, who the hell gets shit on their hands?! Well now I know and I'll tell you who: the Chinese!!!!!!!!!!! That's right! There are tons of Chinese in America and I'm blaming them for getting poop on our money!!!!!
Yeah, let me tell you how this works. As I've talked about ENDLESSLY for the past ten months, All the Chinese people that I know have absolutely no personal hygiene so it shouldn't surprise you that they don't see toilet paper as a necessity. Lots of them use it but more of them don't. “Don't you need to wipe?” I ask my friends, they say “if we forget to bring toilet paper, we just use our hand to wipe.” YEAH. Why are they not embarrassed to tell me this? Because they don’t think it's gross – AT ALL. When they see my distressed reaction (I'm counting the times they’ve touched my laptop) they add “but we always wash our hands!!!” Here's the thing about Chinese people washing their hands, they don’t use soap, EVER. Public restrooms in restaurants, shopping malls, movie theaters, schools, grocery stores and even hospitals never ever ever have soap dispensers. I've been in plenty of Chinese homes too and people never have soap next to their bathroom sink either. While I’ve been fishing my “soap baggie” out of my purse after using a public bathroom I’ve watched Chinese people “wash their hands” a million times. What they do is turn the water on, put their hands under the tap for two seconds then turn the water off and leave. They don’t carry their own soap like I do, and they don’t even rub their hands together for a second. UNCIVILIZED SAVAGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We've all heard those crazy stats that 99.9% of all American money has fecal matter on it, right? I used to doubt that this was really true – I mean, who the hell gets shit on their hands?! Well now I know and I'll tell you who: the Chinese!!!!!!!!!!! That's right! There are tons of Chinese in America and I'm blaming them for getting poop on our money!!!!!
Yeah, let me tell you how this works. As I've talked about ENDLESSLY for the past ten months, All the Chinese people that I know have absolutely no personal hygiene so it shouldn't surprise you that they don't see toilet paper as a necessity. Lots of them use it but more of them don't. “Don't you need to wipe?” I ask my friends, they say “if we forget to bring toilet paper, we just use our hand to wipe.” YEAH. Why are they not embarrassed to tell me this? Because they don’t think it's gross – AT ALL. When they see my distressed reaction (I'm counting the times they’ve touched my laptop) they add “but we always wash our hands!!!” Here's the thing about Chinese people washing their hands, they don’t use soap, EVER. Public restrooms in restaurants, shopping malls, movie theaters, schools, grocery stores and even hospitals never ever ever have soap dispensers. I've been in plenty of Chinese homes too and people never have soap next to their bathroom sink either. While I’ve been fishing my “soap baggie” out of my purse after using a public bathroom I’ve watched Chinese people “wash their hands” a million times. What they do is turn the water on, put their hands under the tap for two seconds then turn the water off and leave. They don’t carry their own soap like I do, and they don’t even rub their hands together for a second. UNCIVILIZED SAVAGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's really hard being the fattest girl in all of China.
Chinese girl are really, really skinny. Most of our friends are about 5'2” and 90 lbs. I'd estimate that this is the average in Southern China from what I've seen. Do you know this make me feel?! I'm surrounded by literally half a billion stick figures!!! I'm a giant!!!!!!!!!
And I don't get it either. How are all these Chinese girls so skinny?!
Chinese food doesn’t seem healthy to me. Do you know what I think the most popular Chinese food is? McDonald’s and KFC. Seriously, Chinese people eat it like every day. If you ask any of my students what their favorite food is: “Mydonaah's Hanboaboa” or “Mydonaah's French frieahhhs. Yeah, by the way, they don't say “McDonald's” they say “Mydonaah's” because that's the name that McDonald's uses in their commercials to make it easier for Chinese people to say. ANYWAYS, so what else to Chinese people eat? Fried rice, fried noodles, fried vegetables, fried meat, fried dough – they use insane amounts of oil. And it's not like Chinese people don’t eat junk food. They go crazy for these little plastic cups/tubes of fruit –flavored jelly (PUKE!!!!!) and they LOVE potato chips, cookies (which they call biscuits – weird) and chocolate. And, Chinese people LOVE ice cream. A Chinese grocery store has a significantly bigger ice cream section than an American grocery store. Their flavors are fucked – like corn flavor or chocolate/green tea or jellied aloe vera/strawberry – but they LOVE the stuff and definitely eat it every day.
So, as you can see, I don't understand how they're all so thin. And it's not like they exercise either. All of our friends think its SO WEIRD that Brandon and I work out. Literally none of our friends have done any exercising since high school when they were required to do badminton, ping pong, ballroom dancing and basketball in gym class. None of them have ever in their lives used a treadmill or lifted weights. Never, ever. They think that Brandon and I are the weird ones!!
Brandon and I use our apartment complexes’ “gym” (two tredmills, some free weights and a 100% broken bowflex machine). I call it “our gym” because for the past six months, we have literally been the only two people that have bought “membership cards.” Our complex has 644 apartments and like I said, Brandon and I are the only ones that set foot in there.
I think that being around skinny people all day, everyday for the past nine months has really gotten to Brandon and me. We feel like total cows!! Its been making me want to work out way more than usual. I've been spending gazillions of hours climbing the stairs in our apartment building and even running (which I HATE) for 25 minutes a day and doing more and more weights too. Having 90 pound friends is really good motivation!! But, I haven't lost ANY WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! Brandon, on the other hand, has been eating at McDonalds five meals a week and has lost tons of weight. 60 pounds actually. He does work out super hard but it's so not fair!! He's so skinny now! Every time we go to the grocery store, we weigh ourselves and every time he weighs one or two pounds less than the time before and I'm always the same. It's so heartbreaking for me!! So, I asked my friend Lindy if Chinese girls had a trick to losing weight. She said that I should start exercising for three minutes a day, five days a week. Yeah, that's what she told me.
And I don't get it either. How are all these Chinese girls so skinny?!
Chinese food doesn’t seem healthy to me. Do you know what I think the most popular Chinese food is? McDonald’s and KFC. Seriously, Chinese people eat it like every day. If you ask any of my students what their favorite food is: “Mydonaah's Hanboaboa” or “Mydonaah's French frieahhhs. Yeah, by the way, they don't say “McDonald's” they say “Mydonaah's” because that's the name that McDonald's uses in their commercials to make it easier for Chinese people to say. ANYWAYS, so what else to Chinese people eat? Fried rice, fried noodles, fried vegetables, fried meat, fried dough – they use insane amounts of oil. And it's not like Chinese people don’t eat junk food. They go crazy for these little plastic cups/tubes of fruit –flavored jelly (PUKE!!!!!) and they LOVE potato chips, cookies (which they call biscuits – weird) and chocolate. And, Chinese people LOVE ice cream. A Chinese grocery store has a significantly bigger ice cream section than an American grocery store. Their flavors are fucked – like corn flavor or chocolate/green tea or jellied aloe vera/strawberry – but they LOVE the stuff and definitely eat it every day.
So, as you can see, I don't understand how they're all so thin. And it's not like they exercise either. All of our friends think its SO WEIRD that Brandon and I work out. Literally none of our friends have done any exercising since high school when they were required to do badminton, ping pong, ballroom dancing and basketball in gym class. None of them have ever in their lives used a treadmill or lifted weights. Never, ever. They think that Brandon and I are the weird ones!!
Brandon and I use our apartment complexes’ “gym” (two tredmills, some free weights and a 100% broken bowflex machine). I call it “our gym” because for the past six months, we have literally been the only two people that have bought “membership cards.” Our complex has 644 apartments and like I said, Brandon and I are the only ones that set foot in there.
I think that being around skinny people all day, everyday for the past nine months has really gotten to Brandon and me. We feel like total cows!! Its been making me want to work out way more than usual. I've been spending gazillions of hours climbing the stairs in our apartment building and even running (which I HATE) for 25 minutes a day and doing more and more weights too. Having 90 pound friends is really good motivation!! But, I haven't lost ANY WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! Brandon, on the other hand, has been eating at McDonalds five meals a week and has lost tons of weight. 60 pounds actually. He does work out super hard but it's so not fair!! He's so skinny now! Every time we go to the grocery store, we weigh ourselves and every time he weighs one or two pounds less than the time before and I'm always the same. It's so heartbreaking for me!! So, I asked my friend Lindy if Chinese girls had a trick to losing weight. She said that I should start exercising for three minutes a day, five days a week. Yeah, that's what she told me.
Jun 16, 2010
It's really hard having nothing but Chinese junk
I sooooo have the rage virus right now. The second computer charger that we've bought in five weeks just blew up - FUCK!!!! And is the store going to give us a replacement?! No - they're going to laugh in our faces and charge us for a new one. Dollar store junk - I HATE dollar store junk and that's all there is in China. What the fuck is wrong with chinese people?! Why don't they demand quality products?!
Everything is shit!! Our school's computer, fax machine and printer are broken more often than not, almost all of the students' desks are broken, my classroom fan just broke, the schools rice cooker is busted and the keyboard that I'm using right now doesn't have 's' or 'w' keys so everytime I want to type those letters I have to copy/paste from a word document!!!
Everything we've ever bought in China has fallen apart!! The hems on my chinese clothes have unraveled, the designs on my t-shirts have peeled off, two pairs of headphones stopped working, brandon's i-pod only stays charged for 30 minutes, our heater randomly turns on/off, the bristles fell out of my new toothbrush, and my shoes collapsed after getting wet because it turned out that they were made of pleather-lined cardboard.
When we moved into our first apartment in China, everything was broken: the air conditioner, the washing machine, the TV, the shower head, most of the doors knobs, the window latches, the hot water heater, the microwave (which happened to be the only microwave in this whole country), the front door's lock and you could only flush the toilet by taking the top off and pulling the chain thing inside. Even though we just moved in, the landlord (who is one of our school's managers) told us that we had to pay for all of the repairs ourselves. AWESOME. Oh, and my other favorite part - all of the door frames are cut too big so there's 1-2 centemeter gaps on everydoor that we've had to fill with layers and layers and layers of tape.
God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to go hoommmmmmmmeeeeee!!!!!
Everything is shit!! Our school's computer, fax machine and printer are broken more often than not, almost all of the students' desks are broken, my classroom fan just broke, the schools rice cooker is busted and the keyboard that I'm using right now doesn't have 's' or 'w' keys so everytime I want to type those letters I have to copy/paste from a word document!!!
Everything we've ever bought in China has fallen apart!! The hems on my chinese clothes have unraveled, the designs on my t-shirts have peeled off, two pairs of headphones stopped working, brandon's i-pod only stays charged for 30 minutes, our heater randomly turns on/off, the bristles fell out of my new toothbrush, and my shoes collapsed after getting wet because it turned out that they were made of pleather-lined cardboard.
When we moved into our first apartment in China, everything was broken: the air conditioner, the washing machine, the TV, the shower head, most of the doors knobs, the window latches, the hot water heater, the microwave (which happened to be the only microwave in this whole country), the front door's lock and you could only flush the toilet by taking the top off and pulling the chain thing inside. Even though we just moved in, the landlord (who is one of our school's managers) told us that we had to pay for all of the repairs ourselves. AWESOME. Oh, and my other favorite part - all of the door frames are cut too big so there's 1-2 centemeter gaps on everydoor that we've had to fill with layers and layers and layers of tape.
God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to go hoommmmmmmmeeeeee!!!!!
A story from one of my TAs
You know how China has the "one-child policy?"
Yvonne's high school was located right next to a govmt-run abortion clinic. She told us that every couple of days (and sometimes multiple times in one day) she and the rest of the students could see and hear pregnant women being literally dragged out of police cars and into the clinic. When the cries of these women would interrupt a teacher's lesson, the teachers would always tell them not to feel sympathy for the women because they're criminals and deserve what is happening. Just as awful, they could see the womens’ husbands and family members crying and screaming for her outside of the clinic's gate. After I calmed down from my subsequent culturally-insensitive freak out, I asked her: you mean to tell me that day after day for three years of high school you watched this happen? HOW could you stand it? She said that sometimes when she could hear a woman crying for help and begging for the life of her baby, she’d feel pity for her, but she knew that “it's true, the women are criminals.”
Yvonne's high school was located right next to a govmt-run abortion clinic. She told us that every couple of days (and sometimes multiple times in one day) she and the rest of the students could see and hear pregnant women being literally dragged out of police cars and into the clinic. When the cries of these women would interrupt a teacher's lesson, the teachers would always tell them not to feel sympathy for the women because they're criminals and deserve what is happening. Just as awful, they could see the womens’ husbands and family members crying and screaming for her outside of the clinic's gate. After I calmed down from my subsequent culturally-insensitive freak out, I asked her: you mean to tell me that day after day for three years of high school you watched this happen? HOW could you stand it? She said that sometimes when she could hear a woman crying for help and begging for the life of her baby, she’d feel pity for her, but she knew that “it's true, the women are criminals.”
So happy I'm not a chinese girl
My school doesn't hire guys: only girls that are age 24 or younger. Their ideal age is 20. Why? Because of looks and because the younger they are, the more easy it is to exploit and manipulate them. The owner of the school obviously knows that you can treat a young, sweet, innocent Chinese girl like absolute shit for a ridiculously long period of time before she'll even consider quitting.
I think my dear friend Lindy has had the worst experience. I had to rip this story out of her but she eventually told me everything.
Lindy was originally a student at my school and has been trying to get a job here for two years. Her dream was to have a job where she'd work with real western foreigners so that her English would improve and be good enough so she could eventually get a high paying job as an interpreter abroad. To get the job at our school, she had to go through the worst interview process I've ever heard of.
- She's 24 years old which is almost too old for my school. The other girls at the school convinced her that she'd never get the job unless she said she was 21.
- Her interview (with the school’s evil owner: Brian and his succubus assistant, Selina) was two hours long!! During this interview, they didn't ask her a single question about her English skills or her education. Not one. ALL the questions (sparing a few about her last job) were personal. They started off by asking her if she had a boyfriend. In China, this is a very rude question even between teenage girls let alone in a f'ing job interview! They wanted to know everything about her boyfriend, how long they'd been together, if her parents approved of the relationship and if they were living together. SO RUDE! They asked her over and over again if she wanted to work at the school so that she could get an American husband. Apparently Brandon and Josh are available?
- At one point in the interview, Brian made her put her hair into a ponytail and pull her bangs back so that he could “see her face.” Then they made her stand up and walk back and forth in the room. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd scream!!! She was applying for a Teacher’s Assistant job!!!
- So, at the end of the interview, they told her that they usually don’t hire girls that look like her but they’d give her a chance. They told her that if she cut her hair and went to a hospital (no doctor’s offices in our city) to get some skin creams to improve her complexion, they'd hire her. For some crazy reason, she had 6 inches of her beautiful hair cut off and she took the job.
I think my dear friend Lindy has had the worst experience. I had to rip this story out of her but she eventually told me everything.
Lindy was originally a student at my school and has been trying to get a job here for two years. Her dream was to have a job where she'd work with real western foreigners so that her English would improve and be good enough so she could eventually get a high paying job as an interpreter abroad. To get the job at our school, she had to go through the worst interview process I've ever heard of.
- She's 24 years old which is almost too old for my school. The other girls at the school convinced her that she'd never get the job unless she said she was 21.
- Her interview (with the school’s evil owner: Brian and his succubus assistant, Selina) was two hours long!! During this interview, they didn't ask her a single question about her English skills or her education. Not one. ALL the questions (sparing a few about her last job) were personal. They started off by asking her if she had a boyfriend. In China, this is a very rude question even between teenage girls let alone in a f'ing job interview! They wanted to know everything about her boyfriend, how long they'd been together, if her parents approved of the relationship and if they were living together. SO RUDE! They asked her over and over again if she wanted to work at the school so that she could get an American husband. Apparently Brandon and Josh are available?
- At one point in the interview, Brian made her put her hair into a ponytail and pull her bangs back so that he could “see her face.” Then they made her stand up and walk back and forth in the room. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd scream!!! She was applying for a Teacher’s Assistant job!!!
- So, at the end of the interview, they told her that they usually don’t hire girls that look like her but they’d give her a chance. They told her that if she cut her hair and went to a hospital (no doctor’s offices in our city) to get some skin creams to improve her complexion, they'd hire her. For some crazy reason, she had 6 inches of her beautiful hair cut off and she took the job.
It's really hard watching Chinese people eat.
I told brandon that I'm drawing the line: no more eating with chinese people. That's it - I can't handle it anymore. I mean, come on, my weiner dog has better table manners!!
So, first of all, they chew and talk with their mouths open - always. it's not considered rude in China. You've never seen anything like this. The smacking sound is SO LOUD and food falls and falls and falls out of their mouths. They're worse than a two year old: I'm not exagerating!! And when they talk to you, little pieces fly out - SO GROSS!!!!!!!!! It's extra bad too because of the shit they eat too. They don't eat normal things like salads or pasta or even fried rice - it's always weird chinky shit like eels or fried fish-head or jellied chicken feet. And what the fuck? - how do they somehow get food all over their faces?!?!? Their lips and entire mouth area always, always, always get covered in whatever they're eating - GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ohhhh, and then there's the amount of time it takes!!! Ummm, do you have three hours free for lunch?? No? Then don't invite your chinese friends. Ok, so one time our four chinese TAs invited themselves to go to lunch with Brandon, Josh and me to a "fancy western restauarnt." Here's how this went down:
12:00 Arrive at the restaurant - the TAs FREAK OUT because of how fancy this restarant looks (it's similar to a "Sherrie's" which is super nice for China) and they start taking pictures of EVERYTHING with their three cameras (you know how Asians are). They pose for pictures with the salt/pepper shakers, then with the "pretty water glasses," the "non-smoking table" sign (they'd never seen one before), the silverware, the menus, the FREE napkins (free!! - holy cow!!!!) the flowers on the table and of course with the toothpick holder. This takes about 20 minutes. FML.
12:20 Choosing what to order from the menu: aparently the most difficult task they've ever completed in their LIVES. I think the TAs asked the servers over 100 questions EACH. By the time they ordered their food, we had been at the restaurant for AN HOUR.
1:10 Our food arrives - now the TAs have to spend 20 minutes holding up their plates of food and posing for photos.
1:25 Brandon, Josh and Mariel are done with our food and we've paid our bill - Chinese TAs are still taking pictures
-for the next HOUR we had to turn our heads away from the girls so we didn't have to see them eat. How do they take so f'ing long?!?!?! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I can't keep going - remembering this is probably giving me high blood pressure! This isn't an isolated insident either, we've gone out to eat with different chinese people TONS of times and it always takes tripple the amount of time that it should and always makes me want to puke. But, at least I don't have to do it ANYMORE!
So, first of all, they chew and talk with their mouths open - always. it's not considered rude in China. You've never seen anything like this. The smacking sound is SO LOUD and food falls and falls and falls out of their mouths. They're worse than a two year old: I'm not exagerating!! And when they talk to you, little pieces fly out - SO GROSS!!!!!!!!! It's extra bad too because of the shit they eat too. They don't eat normal things like salads or pasta or even fried rice - it's always weird chinky shit like eels or fried fish-head or jellied chicken feet. And what the fuck? - how do they somehow get food all over their faces?!?!? Their lips and entire mouth area always, always, always get covered in whatever they're eating - GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ohhhh, and then there's the amount of time it takes!!! Ummm, do you have three hours free for lunch?? No? Then don't invite your chinese friends. Ok, so one time our four chinese TAs invited themselves to go to lunch with Brandon, Josh and me to a "fancy western restauarnt." Here's how this went down:
12:00 Arrive at the restaurant - the TAs FREAK OUT because of how fancy this restarant looks (it's similar to a "Sherrie's" which is super nice for China) and they start taking pictures of EVERYTHING with their three cameras (you know how Asians are). They pose for pictures with the salt/pepper shakers, then with the "pretty water glasses," the "non-smoking table" sign (they'd never seen one before), the silverware, the menus, the FREE napkins (free!! - holy cow!!!!) the flowers on the table and of course with the toothpick holder. This takes about 20 minutes. FML.
12:20 Choosing what to order from the menu: aparently the most difficult task they've ever completed in their LIVES. I think the TAs asked the servers over 100 questions EACH. By the time they ordered their food, we had been at the restaurant for AN HOUR.
1:10 Our food arrives - now the TAs have to spend 20 minutes holding up their plates of food and posing for photos.
1:25 Brandon, Josh and Mariel are done with our food and we've paid our bill - Chinese TAs are still taking pictures
-for the next HOUR we had to turn our heads away from the girls so we didn't have to see them eat. How do they take so f'ing long?!?!?! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I can't keep going - remembering this is probably giving me high blood pressure! This isn't an isolated insident either, we've gone out to eat with different chinese people TONS of times and it always takes tripple the amount of time that it should and always makes me want to puke. But, at least I don't have to do it ANYMORE!
It's really hard not laughing in their faces
Here are a few of my fav “English Names” that my students have had:
Sugar baby
Rainmund
Christ
Whitey
Apple (I'd say that 5% of all Chinese girls have this as their “engish name”)
Pizza
Nana
DoDo (this one is SUPER common)
Mimi
Bobo (yeah, I know. It's super common too)
Gigi
Kiki
Teddy
Jackie (probably 15% of boys have this name)
Sugar baby
Rainmund
Christ
Whitey
Apple (I'd say that 5% of all Chinese girls have this as their “engish name”)
Pizza
Nana
DoDo (this one is SUPER common)
Mimi
Bobo (yeah, I know. It's super common too)
Gigi
Kiki
Teddy
Jackie (probably 15% of boys have this name)
Super annoying Placebo effect
Before Brandon, Josh, Nelly and I started at our school, our Chinese TAs had never drank alcohol in their lives. After months of peer pressuring, the pussies finally gave in and we got 22-year old Melon and 23 year old Memory (this is what happens when Chinese girls choose their own “engish names") to drink with us. We got some red wine and gave them each a shot glass-full of it (Chinese people drink EVERYTHING out of shot glasses). After drinking two little sips, they started acting SUPER DRUNK – swaying, giggling, slurring and then falling. I knew they were full of shit so I made them keep drinking. Melon took one more little girl sip and PUKED. She didn't even finish the f'ing shot glass!!
Jun 2, 2010
I don't know why we even bother going to see movies! Prince of Persia in a chinese movie theater...
There is only one thing that can distract me away from staring at Jake Gyllenhaal's amazing arms – screaming Chinese children with LED flashlights.
Come on! Seriously, COME ON! Why would you bring your four year old and six year old into a movie theater and equip them with freakishly bright LED flashlights and tell them that they can go play, run and SCREAM right IN FRONT OF THE MOVIE SCREEN FOR TWO HOURS?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!? And why are Brandon and I the only ones that noticed?! Oh yeah – because EVERYONE else was too busy yelling into their cell phones.
Come on! Seriously, COME ON! Why would you bring your four year old and six year old into a movie theater and equip them with freakishly bright LED flashlights and tell them that they can go play, run and SCREAM right IN FRONT OF THE MOVIE SCREEN FOR TWO HOURS?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!? And why are Brandon and I the only ones that noticed?! Oh yeah – because EVERYONE else was too busy yelling into their cell phones.
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