There are no traffic laws. None. At. All.
While in a crowded restaurant, men have to smoke before, during and after their meal. They also smoke in crowded elevators and in hospital waiting rooms
Corn is in everything….. icecream, on pizza, in hamburgers
Everyone picks their nose in public. Men spit in public. Everywhere. And it’s not rude at all.
They spit on the floor of restaurants and on the buses.
Chinese drivers honk their horn CONSTANTLY. You can’t be near a street without hearing the constant sound of honking.
Guys grow their fingernails as long as possible.
Chinese people do a lot of home improvement projects in the middle of the night. Nearly every single day we’re woken up by hammering, drilling and jack hammering that lasts for an hour. It usually happens around 1:00am or 6:00/7:00am.
All the Chinese people that we know HAVE TO eat breakfast immediately after they wake up, lunch at exactly noon and dinner at exactly 5:00.
Chinese children pee and poop everywhere. They just squat down. ..on the bus, in the grocery store, everywhere outside – it’s crazy
If you ask a Chinese person about SARS, they’ll tell you that it’s the foreigners’ faults
Chinese fashion is a constant source of entertainment. It’s beyond Tacky. Girls AND GUYS love cloths that are covered in a combination of sequins, rhinestones, giant bows and glued-on stuffed animals. Girls wear super, super, super short skirts but NEVER show even a tiny bit of cleavage. I see butt cheeks (covered in granny panties) every day but I’ve never seen a skin below a girl’s neck. Girls also like wearing socks OVER their panty hose while wearing high heals. And guys always wear white socks with their black/blue suits. At the beach, women wear giant, saggy, one piece swimsuites from the 1940's while men wear tight speedos
The pollution is way worse than you're imagining. I have black buggers every day (which I do pick and show to brandon). It's so bad that we have to hang our laundry inside (no dryers) rather than outside because after 12 hours of hanging outside, it's dirtier than before it was washed!!
Dec 18, 2009
Dec 17, 2009
Top 10 reasons why I’d rather die than be a Chinese girl:
Let me start by saying that I truely love all my Chinese friends DEARLY (but I would still rather die than be them)
1) When Chinese girls are on their periods, (and for a few days after), they can’t wash their hair. Yeah. “If you EVER wash your hair during that WEEK, you will get migraine headaches (or cancer) after you turn 50 years old.” One of the girls at work told us this – we checked with all the other girls and some students and it’s TRUE. They’re so on crack. So, WHY DO THEY BELIEVE THIS?!?! Apparently, “EVERY doctor will tell you that it’s true.”
2) Chinese girls are all “waiting for marriage.”
I work with six girls that are not married. They’re all between the ages of 21 and 35 and yeah, they’re all virgins. And they’re not like America’s dirty, slutty “virgins.” Only two of them have ever even kissed a boy.
Boys on the other hand, are expected to do it before marriage. The girls at my school tell me that boys go to see prostitutes all the time before they’re married (and during, but I’ll get to that later) and it’s “not that bad.”
3) If you don’t get pregnant by the time you’re 30 years old, you’re going to get cancer.
I told you; Chinese doctors are on crack.
4) In my opinion, Chinese girls are generally really, really pretty. They’re all super skinny (Ivy: “only BAD girls weigh more than 50K (110 lbs)”) and have really lovely dark eyes and perfect skin. And, they’re SUPER SWEET. They’re all like perfect catholic school girls, but better…….Which is why IT’S NOT FAIR THAT THEY HAVE TO MARRY SUCH NASTY GUYS!! I’m sorry, but I think I’d rather die than marry a Chinese boy. Why:
Chinese men think it’s cool and lucky to grow really, really long fingernails. Have you seen the last X-Men movie with Sabertooth? …that’s what guys’ nails look like. Yellow/brown, crusty, gross
Moles: they’re cool. Hairy moles: even cooler. Men are super proud of their moles and always have three inch long hairs coming out of them. And then they play with their mole-hair with their nasty fingernails.
They ALL smoke. Ok, technically only 75-85% but it seems like 99%. And they smoke indoors, especially in homes. In China, smoking is good for your health (doctors on crack) and second hand smoke, although “unpleasant” does not hurt anyone. So, that means that men smoke while in bed and in rooms without ventilation while holding their baby.
Due to the smoking, they all have gross yellow teeth. Their teeth are going to be gross anyway (braces, although affordable, are not important and most people don’t brush their teeth) but the smoking makes them soooo much grosser.
They cheat. They all cheat on their wives – I’ll explain why it’s “OK” later.
Chinese men expect oral sex but they don’t “return the favor.” The one married girl at our school told us that her husband has never gone down on her because he says that her “Virginia (yeah, like the state) smells bad.” We told her to buy soap for the first time in her life.
I’m sorry, but they’re ugly. They’re all 5’2” and are gangly-skinny but also somehow flabby at the same time. But now I’m just being mean! HAHAHAAA!!!
5) The biggest reason why I’d rather die than be a Chinese girl: THEY DON’T WEAR TAMPONS. Pads. Only pads. I can’t even tell you how gross Nelly and I think this is.
…what we’re imagining… it’s 95 degrees/90% humidity (because that’s normal in our city) and you’re super sweaty. You have a bush the size of a dinner plate (GIRLS IN CHINA DON’T SHAVE) and you’re on your period. Extreme heat plus hairiest vaginas on the planet plus blood
6) When a Chinese girl finds out that she’s pregnant, she and her husband need to stop having “man-love” (man love is what they call sex) for ONE YEAR. If they have sex even once during the pregnancy, the baby will be in danger.
Nelly spent an hour showing the girls information online showing that it’s safe to have sex THE ENTIRE nine months but the girls don’t believe it. They tell us that we can “ask any doctor in the country.” Crack.
7) So, since a pregnant woman can’t have sex for a full year, it’s totally ok for men to see prostitutes for that year. I’m not kidding. The girls think its ok.
8) Only “bad girls” drink alcohol, which means that girls never, ever drink. Tragic
9) Chinese girls don’t shave anything. A FEW shave their legs but NONE OF THEM shave their armpits or their v’s. We obviously knew about the hairy legs/arm pits because we see them EVERYDAY but once Nelly and I once walked into a gym locker room after an aerobics class ended and – well, ….we’ll never look at a Chinese girl the same EVER AGAIN. We didn’t know a bush could be so big…. they’re like afros…. And their nipples – oh my god. Did you know that Chinese girls’ nipples are an inch long?!?! They could poke an eye out. I had NO IDEA. Anyways, we ran out, hugged and cried and cried and cried
10) Chinese girls don’t usually drive cars (but this is actually a good thing because we all know the stereotype) . All of the girls that we work with have never driven a car and are sure that they never will. Their dads and future husbands will drive them anywhere they need to go. Dependency is fun.
1) When Chinese girls are on their periods, (and for a few days after), they can’t wash their hair. Yeah. “If you EVER wash your hair during that WEEK, you will get migraine headaches (or cancer) after you turn 50 years old.” One of the girls at work told us this – we checked with all the other girls and some students and it’s TRUE. They’re so on crack. So, WHY DO THEY BELIEVE THIS?!?! Apparently, “EVERY doctor will tell you that it’s true.”
2) Chinese girls are all “waiting for marriage.”
I work with six girls that are not married. They’re all between the ages of 21 and 35 and yeah, they’re all virgins. And they’re not like America’s dirty, slutty “virgins.” Only two of them have ever even kissed a boy.
Boys on the other hand, are expected to do it before marriage. The girls at my school tell me that boys go to see prostitutes all the time before they’re married (and during, but I’ll get to that later) and it’s “not that bad.”
3) If you don’t get pregnant by the time you’re 30 years old, you’re going to get cancer.
I told you; Chinese doctors are on crack.
4) In my opinion, Chinese girls are generally really, really pretty. They’re all super skinny (Ivy: “only BAD girls weigh more than 50K (110 lbs)”) and have really lovely dark eyes and perfect skin. And, they’re SUPER SWEET. They’re all like perfect catholic school girls, but better…….Which is why IT’S NOT FAIR THAT THEY HAVE TO MARRY SUCH NASTY GUYS!! I’m sorry, but I think I’d rather die than marry a Chinese boy. Why:
Chinese men think it’s cool and lucky to grow really, really long fingernails. Have you seen the last X-Men movie with Sabertooth? …that’s what guys’ nails look like. Yellow/brown, crusty, gross
Moles: they’re cool. Hairy moles: even cooler. Men are super proud of their moles and always have three inch long hairs coming out of them. And then they play with their mole-hair with their nasty fingernails.
They ALL smoke. Ok, technically only 75-85% but it seems like 99%. And they smoke indoors, especially in homes. In China, smoking is good for your health (doctors on crack) and second hand smoke, although “unpleasant” does not hurt anyone. So, that means that men smoke while in bed and in rooms without ventilation while holding their baby.
Due to the smoking, they all have gross yellow teeth. Their teeth are going to be gross anyway (braces, although affordable, are not important and most people don’t brush their teeth) but the smoking makes them soooo much grosser.
They cheat. They all cheat on their wives – I’ll explain why it’s “OK” later.
Chinese men expect oral sex but they don’t “return the favor.” The one married girl at our school told us that her husband has never gone down on her because he says that her “Virginia (yeah, like the state) smells bad.” We told her to buy soap for the first time in her life.
I’m sorry, but they’re ugly. They’re all 5’2” and are gangly-skinny but also somehow flabby at the same time. But now I’m just being mean! HAHAHAAA!!!
5) The biggest reason why I’d rather die than be a Chinese girl: THEY DON’T WEAR TAMPONS. Pads. Only pads. I can’t even tell you how gross Nelly and I think this is.
…what we’re imagining… it’s 95 degrees/90% humidity (because that’s normal in our city) and you’re super sweaty. You have a bush the size of a dinner plate (GIRLS IN CHINA DON’T SHAVE) and you’re on your period. Extreme heat plus hairiest vaginas on the planet plus blood
6) When a Chinese girl finds out that she’s pregnant, she and her husband need to stop having “man-love” (man love is what they call sex) for ONE YEAR. If they have sex even once during the pregnancy, the baby will be in danger.
Nelly spent an hour showing the girls information online showing that it’s safe to have sex THE ENTIRE nine months but the girls don’t believe it. They tell us that we can “ask any doctor in the country.” Crack.
7) So, since a pregnant woman can’t have sex for a full year, it’s totally ok for men to see prostitutes for that year. I’m not kidding. The girls think its ok.
8) Only “bad girls” drink alcohol, which means that girls never, ever drink. Tragic
9) Chinese girls don’t shave anything. A FEW shave their legs but NONE OF THEM shave their armpits or their v’s. We obviously knew about the hairy legs/arm pits because we see them EVERYDAY but once Nelly and I once walked into a gym locker room after an aerobics class ended and – well, ….we’ll never look at a Chinese girl the same EVER AGAIN. We didn’t know a bush could be so big…. they’re like afros…. And their nipples – oh my god. Did you know that Chinese girls’ nipples are an inch long?!?! They could poke an eye out. I had NO IDEA. Anyways, we ran out, hugged and cried and cried and cried
10) Chinese girls don’t usually drive cars (but this is actually a good thing because we all know the stereotype) . All of the girls that we work with have never driven a car and are sure that they never will. Their dads and future husbands will drive them anywhere they need to go. Dependency is fun.
some of my more stranger health problems in China
This is really embarrassing and disgusting: I got a weird, blotchy, red rash all around my eyes. It looked like I was wearing a pink mask. When I freaked out and showed the girls at school, they told me it was because I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I said, NO it’s because I touched something that a nasty person who hadn’t washed their hands for the past thirty years had touched and then I was stupid enough to touch my face. They laughed at me and told me that I just need more sleep.
This is ALSO gross and embarrassing: one morning all four of us woke up and saw that the skin on our hands was peeling – big time! It looked like we had terrible sunburns on the palms of our hands and that they were peeling. It was so gross – the skin just kept sluffing (I HATE THAT WORD) off. I guess we most have touched some terrible chemical and had a reaction – it was so weird!
I once woke up with a super-puffy eye. It was almost swollen shut. It looked exactly like I had been punched in the eye but without the black/blue color. It didn’t hurt, it wasn’t red and there was no pink-eye grossness. Anyway, I panicked because I had no idea what was wrong with me. I ran downstairs and asked all of my Chinese friends what it could be. “Ahhhh, you’ve been drinking too much water!” Yup, they were all 100% sure that one of your eyes will swell up if you drink too much water. Great. They insisted on taking me to a doctor but I refused because I know that the treatment would be something like: drink two cups of ground up chicken toe nails and frog brain paste, mixed with donkey blood and cat placenta.
It ended up that it was a bug bite. The bite itself was so swollen that I couldn’t tell that it was a bite until it got itchy and the swelling started going down. And thank Buddha that it did go down!! Brandon was looking for a new, non-deformed girlfriend and Josh was screaming Quasimodo at me constantly.
This is ALSO gross and embarrassing: one morning all four of us woke up and saw that the skin on our hands was peeling – big time! It looked like we had terrible sunburns on the palms of our hands and that they were peeling. It was so gross – the skin just kept sluffing (I HATE THAT WORD) off. I guess we most have touched some terrible chemical and had a reaction – it was so weird!
I once woke up with a super-puffy eye. It was almost swollen shut. It looked exactly like I had been punched in the eye but without the black/blue color. It didn’t hurt, it wasn’t red and there was no pink-eye grossness. Anyway, I panicked because I had no idea what was wrong with me. I ran downstairs and asked all of my Chinese friends what it could be. “Ahhhh, you’ve been drinking too much water!” Yup, they were all 100% sure that one of your eyes will swell up if you drink too much water. Great. They insisted on taking me to a doctor but I refused because I know that the treatment would be something like: drink two cups of ground up chicken toe nails and frog brain paste, mixed with donkey blood and cat placenta.
It ended up that it was a bug bite. The bite itself was so swollen that I couldn’t tell that it was a bite until it got itchy and the swelling started going down. And thank Buddha that it did go down!! Brandon was looking for a new, non-deformed girlfriend and Josh was screaming Quasimodo at me constantly.
Chinese Medical Advice
If you start to get a cold or have ANYTHING wrong with you: no matter how minor, it’s very important that you go directly to a hospital (they don’t have doctor’s offices – just hospitals). I’ve known my friend Nicole for three months and in those three months she has been to the hospital five times. This is completely normal. All of our friends visit the hospital at least once a month.
When a girl is on her period, she CANNOT wash her hair for any reason. If she does, she will get a range of health problems after she turns 50 years old. If she only washed her hair a few times when she was young and on her period, she will only get migraine headaches. If she washed her hair often, she will get cancer. ALL of our Chinese friends believe this.
If a woman doesn’t get pregnant by 30 years old, she will get cancer.
Oranges are junk food. They’re not good for your health and you should avoid them. Orange juice is even worse than pop.
Eating peanuts will make a man’s penis smaller
This is my favorite: If you sleep with your socks on, you will get a cold or the flu or have more serious health problems.
If you go to sleep with wet hair, you will experience a range of problems later in life. You will have bad eye sight, headaches and “brain problems.”
Standing next to a copy machine is very dangerous for your health.
When a girl is on her period, she CANNOT wash her hair for any reason. If she does, she will get a range of health problems after she turns 50 years old. If she only washed her hair a few times when she was young and on her period, she will only get migraine headaches. If she washed her hair often, she will get cancer. ALL of our Chinese friends believe this.
If a woman doesn’t get pregnant by 30 years old, she will get cancer.
Oranges are junk food. They’re not good for your health and you should avoid them. Orange juice is even worse than pop.
Eating peanuts will make a man’s penis smaller
This is my favorite: If you sleep with your socks on, you will get a cold or the flu or have more serious health problems.
If you go to sleep with wet hair, you will experience a range of problems later in life. You will have bad eye sight, headaches and “brain problems.”
Standing next to a copy machine is very dangerous for your health.
Where are all the disabled people???
We’ve been in SE Asia for almost eight months and between the four of us, we’ve seen three disabled people. We’ve seen one woman in a wheel chair sitting outside her house in Phuket, and two down syndrome babies here in China. And that’s it.
Since there are ZERO wheelchair accessible buildings/stores/anything, we’re guessing that people in wheel chairs must just have to live at home. But then what about people with mental disabilities? We hang out in Guangzhou (a huge city with over 10,000,000 people) at least once a week and we’ve never seen a single disabled person. Do they kill them when they’re babies?????
As usual, I asked my Chinese friends (who are finally getting used to my offensive questions about their culture) and they said that Chinese people are much more healthy than Westerners so they rarely have disabled babies. So there you have it!! There are no disabled children born in a county that has the worst air/water pollution in the entire world, where there’s Lead in EVERYTHING, 75%-85% of men smoke in their homes while their wives are pregnant, and their food has off the charts levels of pesticides. Cool.
Since there are ZERO wheelchair accessible buildings/stores/anything, we’re guessing that people in wheel chairs must just have to live at home. But then what about people with mental disabilities? We hang out in Guangzhou (a huge city with over 10,000,000 people) at least once a week and we’ve never seen a single disabled person. Do they kill them when they’re babies?????
As usual, I asked my Chinese friends (who are finally getting used to my offensive questions about their culture) and they said that Chinese people are much more healthy than Westerners so they rarely have disabled babies. So there you have it!! There are no disabled children born in a county that has the worst air/water pollution in the entire world, where there’s Lead in EVERYTHING, 75%-85% of men smoke in their homes while their wives are pregnant, and their food has off the charts levels of pesticides. Cool.
I'm Pro-Life???
They eat babies in China.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know. I thought it was a racist urban legend too. It’s not. Trust me. The Chinese people that we work with (and our adult students) are very willing to discuss “baby-eating” and are actually the ones that usually bring up the topic because of how funny they think our reactions are.
Here’s why our friends and students think eating babies is a good thing:
-The babies are unwanted by the mother
-The mother (who is commonly single) can make an obscene amount of money. If her baby is alive and healthy, she can get up to 1,000,000 rmb ($144,000 usd). Do you know how much money that is in China?!?! It’s beyond wealthy. BUT, apparently, most babies sell for a small fraction of this price.
-If you eat babies, you won’t get old and wrinkled. And, eating babies makes you have a strong libido.
Here’s the good news: most Chinese people cannot afford to buy live babies to eat. So, they purchase aborted fetuses from hospitals and they settle for just placentas.
Bad news: There are most definitely people that can afford live babies. From what we’ve heard, it’s 100% legal and doctors support the practice because they think it’s good for your body and because the purchaser and mother are supposed to give the doctor a “cut” of the payment. In fact, the way that most babies are sold is that the doctor arranges the whole deal including dropping off the baby to the purchasers.
Apparently it’s best to eat a baby that’s 1-3 days old so it’s a little bigger than a newborn. This means the purchasers keep it alive and feed it for a couple days. Then, it’s very important that the baby be killed by placing it into boiling water. Why? Because APPARENTLY there’s a chemical that is released in bodies of people that are boiled alive that has health benefits for the people consuming the “meat.” So then, that water and baby are used to make “a lot of soup.”
So, obviously, I think this is the most awful thing I’ve ever heard of. So its been really strange being on the other side of of a pro-life argument. Because, that’s exactly what Chinese people think this is about – they think that killing/eating live babies is exactly the same an abortion. I’ve always been 100% pro-choice and I think that waaaaaay more people should be having abortions: BUT not this kind of “abortion!” Anyways, moving on, the good news is that baby eating isn’t too widespread in China. It’s mostly within the Gungdong province and surrounding areas.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know. I thought it was a racist urban legend too. It’s not. Trust me. The Chinese people that we work with (and our adult students) are very willing to discuss “baby-eating” and are actually the ones that usually bring up the topic because of how funny they think our reactions are.
Here’s why our friends and students think eating babies is a good thing:
-The babies are unwanted by the mother
-The mother (who is commonly single) can make an obscene amount of money. If her baby is alive and healthy, she can get up to 1,000,000 rmb ($144,000 usd). Do you know how much money that is in China?!?! It’s beyond wealthy. BUT, apparently, most babies sell for a small fraction of this price.
-If you eat babies, you won’t get old and wrinkled. And, eating babies makes you have a strong libido.
Here’s the good news: most Chinese people cannot afford to buy live babies to eat. So, they purchase aborted fetuses from hospitals and they settle for just placentas.
Bad news: There are most definitely people that can afford live babies. From what we’ve heard, it’s 100% legal and doctors support the practice because they think it’s good for your body and because the purchaser and mother are supposed to give the doctor a “cut” of the payment. In fact, the way that most babies are sold is that the doctor arranges the whole deal including dropping off the baby to the purchasers.
Apparently it’s best to eat a baby that’s 1-3 days old so it’s a little bigger than a newborn. This means the purchasers keep it alive and feed it for a couple days. Then, it’s very important that the baby be killed by placing it into boiling water. Why? Because APPARENTLY there’s a chemical that is released in bodies of people that are boiled alive that has health benefits for the people consuming the “meat.” So then, that water and baby are used to make “a lot of soup.”
So, obviously, I think this is the most awful thing I’ve ever heard of. So its been really strange being on the other side of of a pro-life argument. Because, that’s exactly what Chinese people think this is about – they think that killing/eating live babies is exactly the same an abortion. I’ve always been 100% pro-choice and I think that waaaaaay more people should be having abortions: BUT not this kind of “abortion!” Anyways, moving on, the good news is that baby eating isn’t too widespread in China. It’s mostly within the Gungdong province and surrounding areas.
Sep 28, 2009
Our lovely apartment
The four of us spent over ten hours cleaning the apartment that our school gave us.
I'm still completely livid about the situation. All I'll say is that Chinese people have very, very different clenliness standards than we do.
Yeah, we were left with a gazzilion dirty dishes. But these dishes weren't in the sink when we moved in. They were in the cupboards - totally filthy and covered with grease and dead bugs.
The floors were shockingly bad. I swear, this photo doesn't capture how bad it reall was
The top of our microwave
I know what you're thinking, why didn't you pay a chinese cleaning lady two-dollars an hour to clean this? WE TRIED!! The bitch did a completely pathetic job - she literally was doing nothing (NOTHING) and refused to use the cleaning supplies that be bought. We showed her how to scrub the floors with a scrub-brush and SHE REFUSED. We had her leave.
I'm still completely livid about the situation. All I'll say is that Chinese people have very, very different clenliness standards than we do.
Yeah, we were left with a gazzilion dirty dishes. But these dishes weren't in the sink when we moved in. They were in the cupboards - totally filthy and covered with grease and dead bugs.
The floors were shockingly bad. I swear, this photo doesn't capture how bad it reall was
The top of our microwave
I know what you're thinking, why didn't you pay a chinese cleaning lady two-dollars an hour to clean this? WE TRIED!! The bitch did a completely pathetic job - she literally was doing nothing (NOTHING) and refused to use the cleaning supplies that be bought. We showed her how to scrub the floors with a scrub-brush and SHE REFUSED. We had her leave.
How can someone so small smell that bad?
I’m getting less and less intimidated by these girls
Chinese girls are obviously gorgeous. They’re perfectly thin, have amazing skin, beautiful thick hair and stunning brown eyes. But…. they stink. And, they’re hairy.
It's rare to see a Chinese girl that shaves her legs in our city. It’s so weird to look down at the legs of a super hot Chinese girl and see inch-long leg hair. And armpits – they don’t shave those either, which makes Nelly and I hypothesize that these girls don’t shave in other places either.
And their voices…. To think I used to think that my sorority was annoying! HA! Now those bitches seem like sedated executives during a board meeting. I admit, Chinese girls don’t sound quite as much like screaming-hyenas as Thai girls, but it’s still god-awful. We’re absolutely sure that they’re unable to communicate with each other without GIGGLING HISTARICALLY between every sentence. Half the high piched sounds they use are probably only detected by dogs. What’s that? You think that I’m describing pre-teen Chinese girls? No –I’m talking about the girls at the bars and the 24-30 year olds that I work with!!!
It’s really, really hot in the gungadong provence. I mean, really hot. Like 95 degrees hot. And Chinese people (girls too) don’t wear deodorant. They stink, and not just a little. We’ve all stopped teasing Nelly about Russians being stinky. Now we stereotype all Chinese people as smelling terrible – BECAUSE THEY DO!!!!!!!!
Chinese girls are obviously gorgeous. They’re perfectly thin, have amazing skin, beautiful thick hair and stunning brown eyes. But…. they stink. And, they’re hairy.
It's rare to see a Chinese girl that shaves her legs in our city. It’s so weird to look down at the legs of a super hot Chinese girl and see inch-long leg hair. And armpits – they don’t shave those either, which makes Nelly and I hypothesize that these girls don’t shave in other places either.
And their voices…. To think I used to think that my sorority was annoying! HA! Now those bitches seem like sedated executives during a board meeting. I admit, Chinese girls don’t sound quite as much like screaming-hyenas as Thai girls, but it’s still god-awful. We’re absolutely sure that they’re unable to communicate with each other without GIGGLING HISTARICALLY between every sentence. Half the high piched sounds they use are probably only detected by dogs. What’s that? You think that I’m describing pre-teen Chinese girls? No –I’m talking about the girls at the bars and the 24-30 year olds that I work with!!!
It’s really, really hot in the gungadong provence. I mean, really hot. Like 95 degrees hot. And Chinese people (girls too) don’t wear deodorant. They stink, and not just a little. We’ve all stopped teasing Nelly about Russians being stinky. Now we stereotype all Chinese people as smelling terrible – BECAUSE THEY DO!!!!!!!!
$@!# &*% CHINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
China, FOR WHATEVER REASON has blocked facebook AND youtube AND blogspot AND Huffington Post. Our new friend, Albert, got us a proxy that worked three times and is now completely useless. Until yesterday, it had literally been three weeks since I’ve used facebook BUT I still try the proxy every single day!! Addictions take a long time to get over…
I’m in Macau right now so that’s the only reason that I’m able to post this entry.
So, like I was saying, China blocks everything on the internet. Can you believe that they’ve blocked Wikipedia’s “China” page?! I can look at other countries’ pages, but not China’s. WTF!!! Thank god China hasn’t blocked all of Wikipedia – I’d literally …… I don’t even know….. fuck. And of course, if you google “tiananmen square,” EVERYTHING is blocked. Tibet too.
China, FOR WHATEVER REASON has blocked facebook AND youtube AND blogspot AND Huffington Post. Our new friend, Albert, got us a proxy that worked three times and is now completely useless. Until yesterday, it had literally been three weeks since I’ve used facebook BUT I still try the proxy every single day!! Addictions take a long time to get over…
I’m in Macau right now so that’s the only reason that I’m able to post this entry.
So, like I was saying, China blocks everything on the internet. Can you believe that they’ve blocked Wikipedia’s “China” page?! I can look at other countries’ pages, but not China’s. WTF!!! Thank god China hasn’t blocked all of Wikipedia – I’d literally …… I don’t even know….. fuck. And of course, if you google “tiananmen square,” EVERYTHING is blocked. Tibet too.
Naming future world leaders
This is way too much responsibility for me!!
Most Chinese people (well, actually all ASIAN people) have an “English name” that they use when talking to whities that are too lazy to learn how to pronounce a name in Chinese. Thai people chose their own English names so they ALL end up with retarded names like, “Car,” “Milk,” “Beer,” ”Mint.” Chinese people aren’t totally morons and they have a real, live, western person give them their name. Chinese people actually consider it very important to have REAL, legitimate-sounding English names.
So far, these are my favorite names that I’ve used. PLEASE let me know if you have any great suggestions.
Mark
James
Daniel
Lily
Cassie
Nelly and I want to “name” a kid McLovin SO BAD. But we’ve refrained – so far.
Most Chinese people (well, actually all ASIAN people) have an “English name” that they use when talking to whities that are too lazy to learn how to pronounce a name in Chinese. Thai people chose their own English names so they ALL end up with retarded names like, “Car,” “Milk,” “Beer,” ”Mint.” Chinese people aren’t totally morons and they have a real, live, western person give them their name. Chinese people actually consider it very important to have REAL, legitimate-sounding English names.
So far, these are my favorite names that I’ve used. PLEASE let me know if you have any great suggestions.
Mark
James
Daniel
Lily
Cassie
Nelly and I want to “name” a kid McLovin SO BAD. But we’ve refrained – so far.
Mei Guanxi… I mean may guan chee, I mean… fuck.
September 16th, 2009
We just had our first Chinese lesson today. Oh. My. God. I feel like I should just give up now. I can only get two out of the five tones right and pinyin………….. this is going to be a long ten months.
On a less depressing note, my boss just gave me my Chinese name today. I’m so excited!!!!! It’s Ma Lei (“Ma Lee”). It’s really pretty and I can actually pronounce it!!
We just had our first Chinese lesson today. Oh. My. God. I feel like I should just give up now. I can only get two out of the five tones right and pinyin………….. this is going to be a long ten months.
On a less depressing note, my boss just gave me my Chinese name today. I’m so excited!!!!! It’s Ma Lei (“Ma Lee”). It’s really pretty and I can actually pronounce it!!
"What did you say? I don’t speak sputnik.”
Josh and I get into an argument at a minimum of five times a day. Whereas Brandon and Nelly’s fights only happen once a month, IF WE’RE LUCKY! And when they do…. Oh my god – we just die laughing!!! There's so many more funny lines but this is all Josh and I can remember....
B: “Why don’t you drive your own ass home? Oh wait, you don’t have a car. And if you did, it wouldn’t have a title”
N: What’s that? I can’t hear what you’re saying through your lisp!
B: Like I care what you think!!!! You can’t even speak English! I have a bigger IQ than you, I have more money than you…… but you know what I don’t have more of? Zits. Exactly how many zits do you have on your face?? Why don’t you eat some potatos and cabbage.
N: Whatever! I’m fine with being Russian because it means that I’m skinny UNLIKE AMERICANS!! Do you want another hamburger?
B: Go have some vodka!
N: Do you want some fries?
B: Why don’t you go date your rich ex-boyfriends again. He gave you his credit card and look, you have nothing to show for it!! Why? It’s called fiscal responsibility. You have none!!
N: And you do? What the hell do you have?
B: A college education!!
N: And what did that get you?? A job at a car dealership?
B: Yeah, and a Multiple Entry Visa. (Nelly can’t get a multiple entry visa because she doesn’t have a degree)
N: What’s that? I can’t hear past the stds on your face!
B: What’s that? I can’t hear past the acne on your face. You know, when you get those bumps on your crotch, it’s not called acne, it’s called herpes.
N: At least I can see my crotch!! When was the last time you could see past your stomach?!?
B: “Why don’t you drive your own ass home? Oh wait, you don’t have a car. And if you did, it wouldn’t have a title”
N: What’s that? I can’t hear what you’re saying through your lisp!
B: Like I care what you think!!!! You can’t even speak English! I have a bigger IQ than you, I have more money than you…… but you know what I don’t have more of? Zits. Exactly how many zits do you have on your face?? Why don’t you eat some potatos and cabbage.
N: Whatever! I’m fine with being Russian because it means that I’m skinny UNLIKE AMERICANS!! Do you want another hamburger?
B: Go have some vodka!
N: Do you want some fries?
B: Why don’t you go date your rich ex-boyfriends again. He gave you his credit card and look, you have nothing to show for it!! Why? It’s called fiscal responsibility. You have none!!
N: And you do? What the hell do you have?
B: A college education!!
N: And what did that get you?? A job at a car dealership?
B: Yeah, and a Multiple Entry Visa. (Nelly can’t get a multiple entry visa because she doesn’t have a degree)
N: What’s that? I can’t hear past the stds on your face!
B: What’s that? I can’t hear past the acne on your face. You know, when you get those bumps on your crotch, it’s not called acne, it’s called herpes.
N: At least I can see my crotch!! When was the last time you could see past your stomach?!?
Sep 27, 2009
Smoking is cool!!
September 8th, 2009
Tomorrow is my first day teaching in China. My students are 2-8 years old (I KNOW!!) and I have to give each of them a work book that has multiple pictures that show cartoon characters smoking.
In China, cigarettes are cool. Really, really, really cool. Avoiding cigarette smoke outside of my apartment is impossible. Men light-up in packed elevators, taxi drivers smoke while they drive, people smoke on the bus, in the mall, in grocery stores and of course, in every single restaurant. I honestly don’t think that Chinese men are capable of having a meal without simultaneously sucking on a cigarette. You’d think you’d be safe from smoke in a doctor’s office or hospital, right? Nope! Smoking is allowed there too. GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
According to the BBC, three quarters of all Chinese men are smokers. There is no doubt in my mind that this is a huge understatement. I’ve asked the Chinese girls at my school about this statistic. They agree with me that ALL men in China are smokers. In fact, they were beyond shocked when Brandon and Josh told them that they never smoke.
China is the world's largest tobacco producer and consumer. And why not? Did you know that cigarettes aren’t bad for you?!?! Surveys show that 2/3 of Chinese people think smoking does little or no harm, 60% think it does not cause lung cancer and 96% do not know that it causes heart disease. Sounds good, right? It gets better: Chinese cigarettes are cheap. The average pack costs 30-50 cents (usd).
There is some good news: women don’t smoke! According to the BBC, only 4% of Chinese women are smokers. Apparently smoking is considered “slutty” and is “only something that bad girls do.” Sweet! I like this double standard!
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/06123/686910-294.stm#ixzz0QfaRY1Oh
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/216998.stm
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/159290.php
Tomorrow is my first day teaching in China. My students are 2-8 years old (I KNOW!!) and I have to give each of them a work book that has multiple pictures that show cartoon characters smoking.
In China, cigarettes are cool. Really, really, really cool. Avoiding cigarette smoke outside of my apartment is impossible. Men light-up in packed elevators, taxi drivers smoke while they drive, people smoke on the bus, in the mall, in grocery stores and of course, in every single restaurant. I honestly don’t think that Chinese men are capable of having a meal without simultaneously sucking on a cigarette. You’d think you’d be safe from smoke in a doctor’s office or hospital, right? Nope! Smoking is allowed there too. GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
According to the BBC, three quarters of all Chinese men are smokers. There is no doubt in my mind that this is a huge understatement. I’ve asked the Chinese girls at my school about this statistic. They agree with me that ALL men in China are smokers. In fact, they were beyond shocked when Brandon and Josh told them that they never smoke.
China is the world's largest tobacco producer and consumer. And why not? Did you know that cigarettes aren’t bad for you?!?! Surveys show that 2/3 of Chinese people think smoking does little or no harm, 60% think it does not cause lung cancer and 96% do not know that it causes heart disease. Sounds good, right? It gets better: Chinese cigarettes are cheap. The average pack costs 30-50 cents (usd).
There is some good news: women don’t smoke! According to the BBC, only 4% of Chinese women are smokers. Apparently smoking is considered “slutty” and is “only something that bad girls do.” Sweet! I like this double standard!
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/06123/686910-294.stm#ixzz0QfaRY1Oh
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/216998.stm
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/159290.php
Sep 5, 2009
Our terrible, rotten, no-good FIRST DAY OF WORK
What a clusterfuck!
Our contract states that our first day of training will be Monday September 1st so we asked Ken (our living advisor) what time we would be picked up from school: “Don’t worry! Monday is your day off!” Cool. So on the 1st we slept in and were still laying around in our sweats when we got a call from Allen (our trainer) telling us that we need to be at the Foshan Campus (which is a half hour away by car) by 2:30 which happens to be in two hours. To make it even worse, he said that the driver (who is supposed to drive us everywhere according to our contracts) is not available to pick us up and we need to take not one, but TWO buses. Alen speaks AWFUL english so OF COURSE we barely understood the directions that he gave us. We don’t know where the bus stop is, we don’t know where “the bridge” is that we need to get off at and we don’t know where the Walmart is that we need to transfer buses at. PANIC!!! We run downstairs and order food from the muslim restaurant, shove it down our throats and run back upstairs. Josh turns the key of our front door and POP – the entire lock comes out of the piece of shit door. We’re completely locked out. Can we call the school to tell them that we’re going to be late? Of course not because the phone that the school gave us has no minutes on it and is thus, completely useless. Long story short, Brandon picked the lock but it took a half hour. When we got into our apartment we only had twenty minutes to get ready (to allow for one hour of transit time) and we only have one bathroom.
SOMEHOW, we made it out of the house at 1:30, caught our first bus, found the transfer spot and even caught the second bus. On the second bus, we apparently missed the bridge that we were supposed to get off at because we wound up at the bus garage and were stuck walking a mile back to the main road. It took about twenty minutes but we finally caught a taxi. We’re f’ing LATE on our very first day so you can imagine how stressed out we are as we run up the stairs of our school. “We’re here for the training meeting! We’re so, sooo, sooo sorry we’re late!!!” Dave: “What meeting?”
OF COURSE, Alen told us to go to the wrong campus. The campus that we were supposed to meet at is the one that’s super close to our apartment in Nanhai. FUCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!
When we finally arrived at the Nanhai campus, Allen just said, “sorry for that.”
Ohhhh, and it was soooooooo important that we showed up for training which just ended up consisting of Allen handing us the employee guide (which we already had) and asking if we had questions. Did they reimburse us the 35 rmb for the busses and taxies? Nope!!
Our contract states that our first day of training will be Monday September 1st so we asked Ken (our living advisor) what time we would be picked up from school: “Don’t worry! Monday is your day off!” Cool. So on the 1st we slept in and were still laying around in our sweats when we got a call from Allen (our trainer) telling us that we need to be at the Foshan Campus (which is a half hour away by car) by 2:30 which happens to be in two hours. To make it even worse, he said that the driver (who is supposed to drive us everywhere according to our contracts) is not available to pick us up and we need to take not one, but TWO buses. Alen speaks AWFUL english so OF COURSE we barely understood the directions that he gave us. We don’t know where the bus stop is, we don’t know where “the bridge” is that we need to get off at and we don’t know where the Walmart is that we need to transfer buses at. PANIC!!! We run downstairs and order food from the muslim restaurant, shove it down our throats and run back upstairs. Josh turns the key of our front door and POP – the entire lock comes out of the piece of shit door. We’re completely locked out. Can we call the school to tell them that we’re going to be late? Of course not because the phone that the school gave us has no minutes on it and is thus, completely useless. Long story short, Brandon picked the lock but it took a half hour. When we got into our apartment we only had twenty minutes to get ready (to allow for one hour of transit time) and we only have one bathroom.
SOMEHOW, we made it out of the house at 1:30, caught our first bus, found the transfer spot and even caught the second bus. On the second bus, we apparently missed the bridge that we were supposed to get off at because we wound up at the bus garage and were stuck walking a mile back to the main road. It took about twenty minutes but we finally caught a taxi. We’re f’ing LATE on our very first day so you can imagine how stressed out we are as we run up the stairs of our school. “We’re here for the training meeting! We’re so, sooo, sooo sorry we’re late!!!” Dave: “What meeting?”
OF COURSE, Alen told us to go to the wrong campus. The campus that we were supposed to meet at is the one that’s super close to our apartment in Nanhai. FUCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!
When we finally arrived at the Nanhai campus, Allen just said, “sorry for that.”
Ohhhh, and it was soooooooo important that we showed up for training which just ended up consisting of Allen handing us the employee guide (which we already had) and asking if we had questions. Did they reimburse us the 35 rmb for the busses and taxies? Nope!!
“Medical Testing”
Our school (along with all Chinese schools that hire western expats) requires a medical test to make sure that we won’t die before our contracts end. Here’s some of the highlights:
1) Our pee cups were dirty and looked like they were only rinsed out after the last people used them. Mine still had someone else’s name partially written on it.
2) One of the doctors asked Nelly if she was married and gave her his number. Awesome!!!!!
3) The nurses were wearing the same thin plastic gloves that fast food employees wear and they don’t change them in between patients. The girl that drew my blood had a red splatter across one of her gloves. Lovely. I probably have hepatitis now.
4) Doctors smoke cigarettes in the office. I’m not kidding.
5) For our chest x-rays, I was the only one given a lead apron to go around my waste. It’s funny because I’m the only one in the group that doesn’t care about protecting my repro-parts!
6) We were told that we needed to wear formal business wear for the day of our test. We showed up in suites and everyone else from our school (including the guy that told us to dress up) wore shorts, tee shirts and flip flops. Sweet.
1) Our pee cups were dirty and looked like they were only rinsed out after the last people used them. Mine still had someone else’s name partially written on it.
2) One of the doctors asked Nelly if she was married and gave her his number. Awesome!!!!!
3) The nurses were wearing the same thin plastic gloves that fast food employees wear and they don’t change them in between patients. The girl that drew my blood had a red splatter across one of her gloves. Lovely. I probably have hepatitis now.
4) Doctors smoke cigarettes in the office. I’m not kidding.
5) For our chest x-rays, I was the only one given a lead apron to go around my waste. It’s funny because I’m the only one in the group that doesn’t care about protecting my repro-parts!
6) We were told that we needed to wear formal business wear for the day of our test. We showed up in suites and everyone else from our school (including the guy that told us to dress up) wore shorts, tee shirts and flip flops. Sweet.
Nee-how China!!
August 26th, 2009
We're here!!!! Foshan, China. I'm not sure where to start.... I think we're really lucky that we showed up a few days before school starts because we're getting to meet all the teachers that taught last year before they leave in a few days. Everyone's telling us ALL the gossip about the school and about all the bullshit that they had to deal with everyday. We know that all Chinese schools dick teachers around so nothing has been toooooo surprising yet.
Day 1: We took a 2-hour ferry from Hong Kong to Shunde. My favorite part was when we were about to dock and about 20 people got up and stood by the door. The staff must have asked them to sit down 100 times and they flat out refused. The staff asked over and over and over again and the people just turned their backs on them and looked out the window!! Crazy Chinese people!!
My first impression of mainland China involved shoving. Lots of shoving. As we got off the ferry and entered the immigration building, we were being shoved into walls, stepped on and elbowed in the ribs over and over again. It was ruthless! I laughed so hard! Picture a billion year old, 4’ 8” tall Chinese grandma shoving Brandon into a wall - hilarious!!!!!
After we got through immigration we met our school's "living advisor," Ken, who is SO WEIRD!!!!! He keeps blatantly lying to us about stuff in our contracts and he's so weird about never looking us in the eye. He stairs over our shoulder - it reminds me of someone with a lazy eye but he doesn't have one. The weirdest thing that he did was when we unloaded all of our bags he said "is anyone missing something?" We said "ummmmmmm.... what did you find?" -- he wouldn't tell us - he said that he wouldn't give us the "item" unless we knew what it was. WHAT?!? We obviously hadn't unpacked so we didn't know if we dropped anything!!! We got lucky because brandon caught a look at what he was hiding and it was Nelly's MP3 player!! Then, he didn't believe us that it was Nelly’s. Long story short, we got it back but it was still SO WEIRD!!!!!!! Who does that? We told all the other teachers about what Ken did and they thought it was totally typical and they all had their own stories about him.
We're here!!!! Foshan, China. I'm not sure where to start.... I think we're really lucky that we showed up a few days before school starts because we're getting to meet all the teachers that taught last year before they leave in a few days. Everyone's telling us ALL the gossip about the school and about all the bullshit that they had to deal with everyday. We know that all Chinese schools dick teachers around so nothing has been toooooo surprising yet.
Day 1: We took a 2-hour ferry from Hong Kong to Shunde. My favorite part was when we were about to dock and about 20 people got up and stood by the door. The staff must have asked them to sit down 100 times and they flat out refused. The staff asked over and over and over again and the people just turned their backs on them and looked out the window!! Crazy Chinese people!!
My first impression of mainland China involved shoving. Lots of shoving. As we got off the ferry and entered the immigration building, we were being shoved into walls, stepped on and elbowed in the ribs over and over again. It was ruthless! I laughed so hard! Picture a billion year old, 4’ 8” tall Chinese grandma shoving Brandon into a wall - hilarious!!!!!
After we got through immigration we met our school's "living advisor," Ken, who is SO WEIRD!!!!! He keeps blatantly lying to us about stuff in our contracts and he's so weird about never looking us in the eye. He stairs over our shoulder - it reminds me of someone with a lazy eye but he doesn't have one. The weirdest thing that he did was when we unloaded all of our bags he said "is anyone missing something?" We said "ummmmmmm.... what did you find?" -- he wouldn't tell us - he said that he wouldn't give us the "item" unless we knew what it was. WHAT?!? We obviously hadn't unpacked so we didn't know if we dropped anything!!! We got lucky because brandon caught a look at what he was hiding and it was Nelly's MP3 player!! Then, he didn't believe us that it was Nelly’s. Long story short, we got it back but it was still SO WEIRD!!!!!!! Who does that? We told all the other teachers about what Ken did and they thought it was totally typical and they all had their own stories about him.
Aug 30, 2009
Getting Scammed in Nam
The world’s most expensive coconut: We were walking down the side walk (because the boys are too cheap to pay 30 cents for a taxi) when we found ourselves walking side by side with a man selling coconut drinks. He asked us where we were from and made conversation with Brandon about how beautiful Canada is. He commented about the heat and handed Brandon a coconut. Brandon politely gave it back because neither of us like them but the man strongly insisted and walked away from us. Even though coconuts are GROSS we thanked over and over again. A second later he retreated back to us and took back the coconut and broke it open with a knife and handed it back to Brandon. Brandon pretended to drink some and thanked him again. Of course he then demands 50,000 dong which is $2.80!! Great. Not that we would, but if we were to buy a coconut drink in a nice restaurant, it would cost us 10,000. Nice
On my own, I went to lunch at an Indian restaurant and ordered take-out that cost 15,000 dong. When I got my food and the bill there was a 15,000 fee for “plastic items.” They charged me for the container and spoon!!!
Charges for napkins: If you want free napkins in a restaurant, bring your own!! The first time we ate in Vietnam, we got charged 10,000 dong because Nelly and Josh used one napkin each.
Taxies: We were warned that we should only use the metered taxies in Vietnam to avoid scams but one metered driver still managed to get us! Even though a normal trip into the city costs 15,000 dong, one driver’s meter moved so fast that we had to pay over 40,000 for a five minute drive!!!!
Like everywhere in Asia, the people selling clothes to tourists are SUPER, SUPER aggressive. One girl literally forced me to try on a shirt even though I wasn’t interested. She just pulled it over my head! When I immediately took it off, she FREAKED OUT and said that I got it dirty from my make up and tried to force me to buy it. Luckily, Nelly yelled at her and pulled me away.
Ticket office?
When we went to the War Museum there was a little both at the entrance that had a very official sign saying “Ticket Office.” We each paid the 10,000 dong but weren’t given any tickets. Why? Because as soon as we got inside we were told that the museum is free and that the both is a tourist scam. Sweet.
Pho!!
On my own, I went to lunch at an Indian restaurant and ordered take-out that cost 15,000 dong. When I got my food and the bill there was a 15,000 fee for “plastic items.” They charged me for the container and spoon!!!
Charges for napkins: If you want free napkins in a restaurant, bring your own!! The first time we ate in Vietnam, we got charged 10,000 dong because Nelly and Josh used one napkin each.
Taxies: We were warned that we should only use the metered taxies in Vietnam to avoid scams but one metered driver still managed to get us! Even though a normal trip into the city costs 15,000 dong, one driver’s meter moved so fast that we had to pay over 40,000 for a five minute drive!!!!
Like everywhere in Asia, the people selling clothes to tourists are SUPER, SUPER aggressive. One girl literally forced me to try on a shirt even though I wasn’t interested. She just pulled it over my head! When I immediately took it off, she FREAKED OUT and said that I got it dirty from my make up and tried to force me to buy it. Luckily, Nelly yelled at her and pulled me away.
Ticket office?
When we went to the War Museum there was a little both at the entrance that had a very official sign saying “Ticket Office.” We each paid the 10,000 dong but weren’t given any tickets. Why? Because as soon as we got inside we were told that the museum is free and that the both is a tourist scam. Sweet.
Pho!!
Aug 27, 2009
Phi Phi ISlands-> Bangkok -> Pattaya -> Chiang Mai -> Ho Chi Minh City -> Siem Reap, Cambodia -> Hong Kong -> Foshan, China
What an insane whirlwind!! 25 days of hotels, evil taxies, ripping backpacks, "sink laundry" and weird tour guides: it was amazing!!!
Here’s a copy of the “plan” that we worked off of every day:
August
1st-3rd Phi Phi Islands: snorkeling
4th – insane packing in Phuket
5th Arrive in BKK: Taxi to Pattaya kick it in Pattaya that night!!!
6th Bangkok: Pattaya: sex capitol of the world! Night life
7th Bangkok: Pattaya: leave for Bangkok in morning. Hang out on Khao San rd
8th Bangkok: Chatuchak Weekend market – biggest market in the world
9th FLIGHT Bkk-->Chiang Mai: Sunday Market, Night Bazaar
10th Chiang Mai: The Zoo/shopping Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep: the most famous temple in the area, this temple dates from 1383.
11th Chiang Mai: Jungle flight - Zip Lining all day
12th- Tour Correctional Institution, night market, Mexican food
13th FLIGHTS Chiang Mai to BKK, BKK to HCMC: check out back packers area/District 1
14th Binh Tay Market, Reunification Palace
15th Cu Chi Tunnels, War Museum
16th Bus to Siem Reap from HCMC (12 hours): Hang out and shop…
17th Cambodia: First day at Angkor Wat
18th Cambodia: Angkor Wat
19th Bus to HCMC from Siem Reap (12 hours)
20th Dam Sen water park
21st Cho Ben Thanh Market, Apocalyse NOW club
22nd Mekong Delta – all day
23rd Flight from SGN to BKK (9:45-11:10) and fly BKK to HKG at (16:30-20:15) - 12 hours
24th Hong Kong: The Peak
25th Hong Kong: Ocean Park
26th Ferry to Mainland China – arrive in Foshan China!!!
The funniest parts of our trip:
The bus from Vietnam to Cambodia:
When we boarded our “12 hour prison bus” we sat at the front for one reason: the bathroom is in the back. After we stowed away our backpacks and got settled we were asked by the driver to move a few seats back. It was a pain because of our bags, but whatever. As soon as we got settled in another spot, we were asked to move to a different row. We settled in again, started to fall asleep (it’s 7:00am) and we were told that we had to move to the back of the bus: next to the bathroom. Josh and Brandon start yelling “THIS BUS IS A PRISON” (which was the first of probably 3,000 times – for those of you that don’t know Brandon and Josh, they quote the movie Step Brothers constantly) but we moved. I wanted to be Rosa Parks and refuse to give up my seat for a Cambodian person, but I figured that us whities were a little outnumbered. So great, we’re next to the bathroom on a 12 hour bus ride. Thankfully, the bus has four planned stops so we thought that people would avoid the bathroom. WRONG. Five people used the bathroom before the bus even started moving. FIVE!! What the FUCK?!?! Why the hell would you board a 12 hour bus without going pee first?! The four of us just used the restaurant bathrooms at the rest stops but not everyone else! We estimated that each of the 16 other people on the bus used the bathroom four times each. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The bus even had to pull over to “dump the sewage” into a FIELD OF COWS! I didn’t look but Nelly saw the river of poop flowing out of the bottom of the bus. That bus really was a prison.
The Chiang Mai Zoo: this is the worst zoo on the planet!!! But we actually had a great time because of how hard we were laughing at all the ridiculousness. The zoo started out with us getting in a fight with the ticket both. It was hysterical. We wanted to pay the “Thai price” rather than the “farang (foreigner) ticket price” which was more than double. Yes, we were arguing over $1.42 – BUT IT’S THE PRINCIPLE and I’m a jew. ;) We tried to reason with the ticket agent: in america, we don’t charge European tourists double fees for entrance into museums and zoos just because they have more money than us – that would be absurd!! She didn’t think so. We even tried telling her that we’d been living in Thailand for four months as teachers – that didn’t work either. Anyways, as for the zoo itself. Hilarious. There’s food wrappers and pop cans EVERYWHERE including in the exhibits and in the camel’s food trough. Almost all of the exhibits are closed down and there’s fake animals in their place. There’s mud everywhere because there’s Thai people driving around their loud motorbikes and cars everywhere in the park. As I was looking at a sad, suicidal, alone elephant, I was ALMOST HIT BY A CAR!!! Hahahaaaaa!!! And the Civits….. so many f’ing civits (ugly, brown, small bear/cat thing that started SARS)!! To this day we’re still laughing about the “Chiang Mai Civit Zoo.” There was probably ten separate Civit exhibits. This zoo had no lions, no tigers, no crocodiles, but it did have a gazillion civits. Awesome. Exactly what the kids love. So if you’re ever in the mood to see some civits, now you know the place to hang out.
Miguel’s: bomb-ass Mexican food
I should have titled my Chiang Mai facebook album “our trip to Miguel’s” because even though we were only in Chiang Mai for three days, we still managed to eat at Miguel’s FIVE TIMES!!!
Here’s a copy of the “plan” that we worked off of every day:
August
1st-3rd Phi Phi Islands: snorkeling
4th – insane packing in Phuket
5th Arrive in BKK: Taxi to Pattaya kick it in Pattaya that night!!!
6th Bangkok: Pattaya: sex capitol of the world! Night life
7th Bangkok: Pattaya: leave for Bangkok in morning. Hang out on Khao San rd
8th Bangkok: Chatuchak Weekend market – biggest market in the world
9th FLIGHT Bkk-->Chiang Mai: Sunday Market, Night Bazaar
10th Chiang Mai: The Zoo/shopping Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep: the most famous temple in the area, this temple dates from 1383.
11th Chiang Mai: Jungle flight - Zip Lining all day
12th- Tour Correctional Institution, night market, Mexican food
13th FLIGHTS Chiang Mai to BKK, BKK to HCMC: check out back packers area/District 1
14th Binh Tay Market, Reunification Palace
15th Cu Chi Tunnels, War Museum
16th Bus to Siem Reap from HCMC (12 hours): Hang out and shop…
17th Cambodia: First day at Angkor Wat
18th Cambodia: Angkor Wat
19th Bus to HCMC from Siem Reap (12 hours)
20th Dam Sen water park
21st Cho Ben Thanh Market, Apocalyse NOW club
22nd Mekong Delta – all day
23rd Flight from SGN to BKK (9:45-11:10) and fly BKK to HKG at (16:30-20:15) - 12 hours
24th Hong Kong: The Peak
25th Hong Kong: Ocean Park
26th Ferry to Mainland China – arrive in Foshan China!!!
The funniest parts of our trip:
The bus from Vietnam to Cambodia:
When we boarded our “12 hour prison bus” we sat at the front for one reason: the bathroom is in the back. After we stowed away our backpacks and got settled we were asked by the driver to move a few seats back. It was a pain because of our bags, but whatever. As soon as we got settled in another spot, we were asked to move to a different row. We settled in again, started to fall asleep (it’s 7:00am) and we were told that we had to move to the back of the bus: next to the bathroom. Josh and Brandon start yelling “THIS BUS IS A PRISON” (which was the first of probably 3,000 times – for those of you that don’t know Brandon and Josh, they quote the movie Step Brothers constantly) but we moved. I wanted to be Rosa Parks and refuse to give up my seat for a Cambodian person, but I figured that us whities were a little outnumbered. So great, we’re next to the bathroom on a 12 hour bus ride. Thankfully, the bus has four planned stops so we thought that people would avoid the bathroom. WRONG. Five people used the bathroom before the bus even started moving. FIVE!! What the FUCK?!?! Why the hell would you board a 12 hour bus without going pee first?! The four of us just used the restaurant bathrooms at the rest stops but not everyone else! We estimated that each of the 16 other people on the bus used the bathroom four times each. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The bus even had to pull over to “dump the sewage” into a FIELD OF COWS! I didn’t look but Nelly saw the river of poop flowing out of the bottom of the bus. That bus really was a prison.
The Chiang Mai Zoo: this is the worst zoo on the planet!!! But we actually had a great time because of how hard we were laughing at all the ridiculousness. The zoo started out with us getting in a fight with the ticket both. It was hysterical. We wanted to pay the “Thai price” rather than the “farang (foreigner) ticket price” which was more than double. Yes, we were arguing over $1.42 – BUT IT’S THE PRINCIPLE and I’m a jew. ;) We tried to reason with the ticket agent: in america, we don’t charge European tourists double fees for entrance into museums and zoos just because they have more money than us – that would be absurd!! She didn’t think so. We even tried telling her that we’d been living in Thailand for four months as teachers – that didn’t work either. Anyways, as for the zoo itself. Hilarious. There’s food wrappers and pop cans EVERYWHERE including in the exhibits and in the camel’s food trough. Almost all of the exhibits are closed down and there’s fake animals in their place. There’s mud everywhere because there’s Thai people driving around their loud motorbikes and cars everywhere in the park. As I was looking at a sad, suicidal, alone elephant, I was ALMOST HIT BY A CAR!!! Hahahaaaaa!!! And the Civits….. so many f’ing civits (ugly, brown, small bear/cat thing that started SARS)!! To this day we’re still laughing about the “Chiang Mai Civit Zoo.” There was probably ten separate Civit exhibits. This zoo had no lions, no tigers, no crocodiles, but it did have a gazillion civits. Awesome. Exactly what the kids love. So if you’re ever in the mood to see some civits, now you know the place to hang out.
Miguel’s: bomb-ass Mexican food
I should have titled my Chiang Mai facebook album “our trip to Miguel’s” because even though we were only in Chiang Mai for three days, we still managed to eat at Miguel’s FIVE TIMES!!!
Aug 12, 2009
Trip to the Phi Phi Islands
If you ever visit Thailand, just go straight to the Phi Phi Islands. Fuck Patong. Fuck Kata. The islands are absolutely, perfectly beautiful ESPECIALLY compared to the shit hole of Phuket. And the people: SO MUCH NICER! We weren’t pounced on by shop owners and tailors everywhere we went. It was so chill and definitely our new favorite place!!
The snorkeling was AMAZING!! We saw a huge coral reef with thousands of colorful fish including gorgeous parrot fish and three huge angel fish!!! And snorkeling is super cheap!! It only costs about 200 baht each ($5.71 usd) for three hours of snorkeling on a private long boat. We REALLY wanted to go shark watching at Shark Point but it was apparently too windy on the days we were there so the shark tours weren’t running.
The snorkeling was AMAZING!! We saw a huge coral reef with thousands of colorful fish including gorgeous parrot fish and three huge angel fish!!! And snorkeling is super cheap!! It only costs about 200 baht each ($5.71 usd) for three hours of snorkeling on a private long boat. We REALLY wanted to go shark watching at Shark Point but it was apparently too windy on the days we were there so the shark tours weren’t running.
Jul 29, 2009
Working out in Thailand
Who would have thought that I’d ever miss stupid 24-hour fitness?! Ever since the REC (the fantastic gym at WSU), I’ve thought that 24 hour was a nasty place full of creepers and filthy, gross equipment. But now, I MISS IT SOOOOOO, SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Working out in Thailand is pretty much miserable. If you’ve ever done hot yoga, you probably understand the hell that I’ve gotten myself into. Everyday the thermometer in the gym taunts me… 32c (89.6 degrees Fahrenheit). I’m unemployed and bored so I spend about two hours in that hell-oven every day. I’ve never in my life sweated so much from working out. And the gym itself- oh my god. It costs $20./month (white people price – if you’re Thai it’s free – I’m not kidding) which is the same as what I paid for the gym back home but here’s what I get: four stationary bikes (only one works), an elliptical that isn’t adjustable and doesn’t even have a timer, two treadmills (but I can’t use those cuz of my broken foot), free weights and a bench that’s covered in bugs and sweat. And there’s a FAN which is my savior. Brandon gets really frustrated with the free weights because they’re obviously meant for Thai people as they only go up to 12 pounds. And the bench only has a 35lb bar and only 72 pounds worth of weights.
Thai people are pretty thin but it’s probably from the heat, the hepatitis and the water that makes you puke violently. It’s definitely not from exercise. We live in a huge apartment complex with over 1,000 people but I’d say only about ten thai people a day use the gym. But when they do, hilarity ensues!!!
Their work out clothes are probably my favorite part. Jeans, button-up blouses, work uniforms, suite pants, collared shirts…. They wear the funniest things while working out!! I even saw a girl on the tread mill in kitten heels!!!
The girls are the funniest. Brandon does the best impression of a Thai girl trying to run on a tredmill. They all run like they’re drunk and wearing a tight pencil skirt. They’re incredibly uncoordinated. Whenever they’re in the gym my work outs end up being twice as long just so I can watch all the funny things they do. My all time favorite moment is when a girl started to use the elliptical and fell off!!! Hahahahahaaaaa!!!! I’m going to hell.
The guys are funny too (except for when they work out while smoking cigarettes) and they make me feel really good about myself. I’ve never seen a guy lift more than 60 pounds on the bench which makes me really happy because even I can do more than that!! They almost always just bench the bar (which is small here – only 35 pounds) five or six times then stop completely.
The most frequent users of the gym are a group of four kids that play in the gym from around 8am-4pm every day. They’re all around 5-8 years old. I have no idea where they come from and why the hell they’re not in school but they’re there every weekday!! There’s a bowflex (ish) machine in the gym that’s covered in sticky stuff and broken beyond complete repair – why? Because of the kids. They use it like a jungle gym.
Food
I know no one cares but for the record, being a vegetarian in Thailand is hell. HELL!!! Thai people put meat in everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. I have to eat stir fried vegetables with rice EVERYDAY. Literally, my only sources of protein are peanut butter and the luna bars that my amazing mom sent me. I haven’t found a single store that sells beans and there’s only one restaurant that has them on this island but it’s 15 miles away. My goal was to go vegan once I got here but it’s turned out to be impossible. Half of my diet is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and they obviously don’t have vegan bread in this country.
We miss cooking so bad!!!
Thailand is pretty backward compared to home when it comes to food prices. We were warned about this and it turned out to be true: eating at a restaurant is less expensive than buying groceries and cooking at home. And eating from a food cart (which seems to be where most Thai people get there food) is a tiny fraction of even that price. As a result, it seems that most apartments don’t have stoves, ovens or microwaves. I’ve heard that some people buy a single, plug-in burner and a microwave for cooking at home but apartments certainly don’t seem to come with them.
Sophie
I miss my weiner!!!!!!!!! I say it a million times every day. If it wasn’t for that long-dog, I’d prolly be fine with living so far from home. I want to bring her here so bad but she can’t come here because of the gazillions of diseases that would eat here alive. So, she's at home with with Grandma - Brandon's mom. It’s unbelievable how bad my heart hurts for that little dog. WEINERRRR!!!!
Jul 14, 2009
My luck continues
Will my luck in Thailand ever get better?! Weekly food poisoning, car accidents, bike accidents, giant bug bites, evil land lord, terrible job..... and now theft. YAY!!!!
Last month I got money from an ATM and I noticed that my account balance seemed really low. I checked my online banking the next day and low and behold: 12 charges in Australia totaling $4,950. made four days earlier. Great. I canceled my card, contacted my bank (which is in the States), and filed police reports with the Thai police, the Australian police and even Interpol. I assumed that the purchases were made online because I hadn’t lost my debit card.
After my bank started their investigation they told me that a debit card was physically present when all the charges were made which means that my case is “suspicious” because I never lost my card. It’s clear to me that someone stole my card number/expiration date and created a fake card in Australia. Brandon and I googled that scenario and it’s fairly common. It must be what happened. The customer service person at my bank was exceptionally rude to me over the phone and told me at least five times that if I “insist” that the bank continue their investigation and if its revealed that I’m committing fraud (“which appears to be the case”) I will be criminally prosecuted. Unbelievable. It’s great to have your own bank (whom I’ve had an account with for almost my whole life) treat you like a criminal. I obviously had them resume their investigation and I was assured that a final decision regarding if they’ll return my money would be made within ten days. Of course, I asked why my debit card was allowed to be used outside of Thailand which is the only country that I authorized use within. The CSR told me that it’s “not the bank’s responsibility to play big brother” and that they would never freeze a debit card while one of their customers is traveling internationally. That’s right – somehow I found the one bank in the world that doesn’t freeze accounts when you travel. I’ve seen three friends have their cards frozen when making one little purchase in Vancouver BC (500 miles from home) but apparently my bank thinks it’s ok for charges to be made on my card ON A DIFFERENT CONTINENT. To my bank’s credit, they did “flag” the charges as suspicious so they contacted my mom (whom I added to my account prior to leaving). All they did was ask her if I was using my card internationally. My mom told them that I was in Thailand but they should have already known that because I had them “put a note” on my account before I left. They never mentioned to my mom that the charges were in AUSTRALIA at high end jewelry stores!!
Long story short, it has been over a month and I still have yet to hear back from my bank about if they’ll be replacing my stolen money. The police have been surprisingly unhelpful. I only use my debit card at one particular grocery store and ATM machines so I’m 95% sure that my debit card’s information was stolen (and sold) by one of the rude little cleaning ladies at our old apartment, but the Thai police absolutely refused to help me because they think that the Australian police should be doing the investigation. And guess what the Australian police said? The Thai’s need to investigate. Great. And now neither department will return my e-mails at all – same with Interpol in BKK. Thanks cops!!!
I just found out a couple days ago that my bank finally obtained copies of the receipts. 32 two days after the charges cleared. God. Survallence tapes? Still no. I’ve been promised a decision by my bank on July 25th at the latest. Holding my breath…
Last month I got money from an ATM and I noticed that my account balance seemed really low. I checked my online banking the next day and low and behold: 12 charges in Australia totaling $4,950. made four days earlier. Great. I canceled my card, contacted my bank (which is in the States), and filed police reports with the Thai police, the Australian police and even Interpol. I assumed that the purchases were made online because I hadn’t lost my debit card.
After my bank started their investigation they told me that a debit card was physically present when all the charges were made which means that my case is “suspicious” because I never lost my card. It’s clear to me that someone stole my card number/expiration date and created a fake card in Australia. Brandon and I googled that scenario and it’s fairly common. It must be what happened. The customer service person at my bank was exceptionally rude to me over the phone and told me at least five times that if I “insist” that the bank continue their investigation and if its revealed that I’m committing fraud (“which appears to be the case”) I will be criminally prosecuted. Unbelievable. It’s great to have your own bank (whom I’ve had an account with for almost my whole life) treat you like a criminal. I obviously had them resume their investigation and I was assured that a final decision regarding if they’ll return my money would be made within ten days. Of course, I asked why my debit card was allowed to be used outside of Thailand which is the only country that I authorized use within. The CSR told me that it’s “not the bank’s responsibility to play big brother” and that they would never freeze a debit card while one of their customers is traveling internationally. That’s right – somehow I found the one bank in the world that doesn’t freeze accounts when you travel. I’ve seen three friends have their cards frozen when making one little purchase in Vancouver BC (500 miles from home) but apparently my bank thinks it’s ok for charges to be made on my card ON A DIFFERENT CONTINENT. To my bank’s credit, they did “flag” the charges as suspicious so they contacted my mom (whom I added to my account prior to leaving). All they did was ask her if I was using my card internationally. My mom told them that I was in Thailand but they should have already known that because I had them “put a note” on my account before I left. They never mentioned to my mom that the charges were in AUSTRALIA at high end jewelry stores!!
Long story short, it has been over a month and I still have yet to hear back from my bank about if they’ll be replacing my stolen money. The police have been surprisingly unhelpful. I only use my debit card at one particular grocery store and ATM machines so I’m 95% sure that my debit card’s information was stolen (and sold) by one of the rude little cleaning ladies at our old apartment, but the Thai police absolutely refused to help me because they think that the Australian police should be doing the investigation. And guess what the Australian police said? The Thai’s need to investigate. Great. And now neither department will return my e-mails at all – same with Interpol in BKK. Thanks cops!!!
I just found out a couple days ago that my bank finally obtained copies of the receipts. 32 two days after the charges cleared. God. Survallence tapes? Still no. I’ve been promised a decision by my bank on July 25th at the latest. Holding my breath…
Thailand would be great if it wasn’t for all the Thais.
Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? I’ve always detested racist people but I’m ashamed to say, I think that’s exactly what I’m turning into. I’ve been in Thailand for three short months and I’m already developing a very negative view of my hosts: the Thai people.
Day after day I’m shocked with the awful behavior, xenophobia and dishonesty that I encounter from Thais. I have never before seen men treat their wives so disrespectfully. And the overall hygiene standards (particularly the fact that hands are very rarely washed) in this country appall me. Hepatitis A from dirty kitchen practices is rampant. And recycling, “what’s recycling??” The food: loaded up with MSG and a sickening amount of pesticides. Did I unknowingly enter Thailand: The World’s Largest Trailer Park?
Before arriving in Thailand I was under the impression that this was a relatively safe country and that due to the high “deeply-Buddhist” population (85-90%), the theft rate is very low. Apparently this is not the case. Within our first two months all of these things were stolen right out of our apartments/hotels.
-Josh: 7,000 baht ($200.) was stolen from a hiding spot in our hotel room
-Nelly: several shirts and her only sweater
-Brandon’s helmet and his only two watches (Fossils) which were gifts
-My debit card number was stolen and almost $5,000. (US) was charged (long story!!!)
Thailand is called “The Land of Smiles.” I’ve also heard that if a Thai person smiles at you, you should run the other way. I’ve found the later to be accurate. With only a few exceptions, all the Thais that have been “warm” and polite to us have been trying to rip us off. It’s terrible but in hind sight, even the Thais that we thought were our friends were actually just trying to cheat us: our lying, evil landlord in particular. The dishonesty that we hear on a daily basis has sadly made us very untrusting. I now have no doubt that every single Thai believes that it’s their civic duty to rip off farangs (Westerners) as often as possible.
Restaurants: Many restaurants have both Thai menus and English menus. Go figure – the English menus have much higher prices listed. One of our favorite restaurants (Wanjai) finally started giving us the Thai prices (occasionally) but we never knew what our bill would look like because they varied their prices for us every time. And our very favorite restaurant (Cow) overcharges us by 5, 10, or 20 baht every single time we go there even though we’re there at least four times/week. It’s so frustrating!
Although I’m sure bargaining may be fun for some travelers, I’ve found it especially exhausting. After three months of negotiating over bottles of drinking water and for every other single thing that I buy, I’m getting really tired. Really, it wouldn’t be that bad if I didn’t have to pay the “farang price” which is at least double what a Thai would have to pay. Just today Brandon and I stopped at a fruit market. I choose two mangos and one small watermelon. The staff showed me their calculator (as most Thai people do) and the total price was 149 baht. 149 baht?!?! That’s insane!! We just watched a Thai guy buy four bags of fruit for 40 baht!! I weighed my mangos myself and showed her that they should only cost 19 baht according to her sign that said “Mangos 35 baht/kg” she said “mai-chai, mai-chai, mai-chai” and showed me the calculator which said 45 baht. 45 baht for two mangos? No way!! So I offered her 104 baht for just the watermelon. “mai-chai, 140 baht.” Let me get this straight, if I buy just the mangos, they’re 45 baht. And if I buy just the watermelon it’s 140 baht. But together they’re 149 baht? Terrible math aside, she was completely ripping me off. The mangos were totally over priced even at 19 baht for two and the watermelon should have been 30 baht MAX!! I’m a jew so I didn’t buy either. It’s a matter of principle.
My parents are sure that I’m overreacting. They believe that I should be OK with the higher “white people prices” because I have more money than most Thias and I should want to support them. Obviously my parents aren’t taking into consideration that I’m a JEW and when I can tell that I’m being ripped off, it bothers me. BIGTIME!! Hahahaaaa!!! I don’t know, maybe they’re totally right. But like Brandon always says, “In America, should we charge Bill Gates $500. for a hamburger just because he can afford it?”
Motorbikes: There is probably nothing that makes me more furious than seeing a Thai holding their INFANT while speeding around on their motorbikes (aka: “deathtraps”). They ride around holding babies or balancing their children on their laps on those amazingly unsafe bikes. Helmets? Absolutely not. All four of us have had students in our classes that have needed skin graphs from the amount of damage they’ve gotten while riding with their parents on Motorbikes. Those bikes are insanely unsafe. ESPECIALLY when tons of people driving them are children!! Kids start driving motorbikes (alone or with their friends piled on the back) on the streets when they’re 10-12 years old. It’s so disturbing. Why do parents allow this? I would never, ever let a child do this. Do Thais care about their children’s safety less than Americans do? I don’t understand. I’ve been told that if you have a child in Thailand you have to bring a car seat from home with you. Apparently they don’t sell them in Thailand. WTF?!?!
Crossing the street: It’s shocking. I don’t care if you’re holding three crying babies and it’s pouring down buckets of rain; not a single car will stop for you to cross the street. It’s so scary having to dodge your way across one lane only to have to wait in the very center while more cars and bikes speed past before you can run to the other side. I wonder how many pedestrians die from just trying to cross streets?! Thai people are f’ing crazy.
Line cutting. Oh my god! You have to shove your way to a counter before eight thai people elbow their way in front of you. I swear, it’s like a game to them – Who can keep the farang from the front of the line the longest?!?! They even elbow and push sweet, little Nelly!!
I may be becoming racist against Thai people. But they’re DEFINITELY more racist than I am. Thai people do not like black people. Period. From everything I’ve heard (including information from my TEFL class), if you’re black, it’s excruciatingly hard to find work in a Thai company or school. The recruiting agency I work for, they’re very open about only hiring white people. We’ve seen them turn down black applicants twice when we’ve known that the agency desperately needed teachers. It’s so awful. I just got done reading the blog of a black man that reported that he couldn’t even get a “date” with a bar girl (hooker) in Patong because of his skin color. It’s awful.
“Why don’t you just hit them?” These were the only instructions I got from my school when I asked about discipline procedures. No, you can’t send naughty students to see the principal. Just hit them. And hit them, they do!! Thai teachers beat the hell out of their students. Yes, most of the little brats do deserve it but I think it still says a lot about a culture that allows and accepts such violence. BUT, I guess it’s better for children to be beaten in school than not to go to school at all. We’ve met lots of child-laborers here that don’t get to go to school at all. Lovely.
Animal Abuse: PETA needs to get the fuck over here. Some dogs in this country are so mangled and disfigured that I can’t even look at them. It’s worse than anything that you’re picturing. It’s pathetic and terrible that the government doesn’t go on a shooting spree and put all of these poor animals out of their misery. Elephants: When Brandon and I were in Singapore I read a poster that talked about how elephants used to be controlled by sharp metal hooks being placed behind their ears. The poster explained that this is thankfully not a modern practice and it was only used in Myanmar. Ummmmmm, every time I see an elephant in Thailand it’s always being led around by a bloody-tipped hook.
I just read a book called “Only 13, The True Story of Lon.” It’s an autobiography of a Pattaya (“Sex Capitol of the World” just south of Bangkok) prostitute. Besides wanting to read some dirty stories, I bought it because the book promised a commentary on Thai culture as a whole which is something that I’m especially interested in. I want to understand these people!!!!! I thought that this book would bring me more understanding and tolerance of Thais. I really don’t want to be racist!!
Bad move – this book made me even more angry. Here’s a few things that I learned:
Shockingly, it’s terribly common for families to force their 13-15 year old daughters into prostitution. The family acts as pimps and pockets all her earnings. The author of the book slept with dirty, farang men 365 days/year for five years and had to give all of her earnings to her mother and brother to “quench their insatiable need for cash” so that they could buy luxuries. The book went on and on describing all the ways her family destroyed every opportunity that she had for happiness. And according to the author, this is a devastatingly common story among Thai prostitutes.
The author writes that one of the many reasons that Thai girls prefer dating farang men over Thais is that Thai men are apparently notoriously unfaithful to their partners and that rape (especially of young girls) is very commonly committed. I suppose this is true of men of all races but it still just adds fuel to my fire and makes me more pissed at Thais.
Lon writes about how she found people in Europe to be incredibly kind and sincere compared to Thai people. She seems to think that Thai people are cold, rude and uncaring too.
There are a million more things I could write about but I’m sure that I’ve already embarrassed myself enough.
So, am I being a crazy, ethnocentric American? Definitely. But I can’t seem to help it. Brandon, Josh and Nelly feel just as strong if not stronger on the subject than I do. Most farangs that we’ve talked to tell us of their “love/hate relationships” with Thais. I don’t know what to do!!! Am I looking at these people in the wrong light?! Help!!!!
UPDATE:
I decided that I’m acting like a republican. I may be from Battle Ground, WA (hick central) but I refuse to be racist. I’ve been continuing to have awful experiences with inconsiderateness and theft but I’ve decided that my attitude is only going to make the situations worse. I still only have one Thai friends (a little black lab that lives downstairs), but I’m doing my best to meet people! Here’s to having a more open mind!!!
Day after day I’m shocked with the awful behavior, xenophobia and dishonesty that I encounter from Thais. I have never before seen men treat their wives so disrespectfully. And the overall hygiene standards (particularly the fact that hands are very rarely washed) in this country appall me. Hepatitis A from dirty kitchen practices is rampant. And recycling, “what’s recycling??” The food: loaded up with MSG and a sickening amount of pesticides. Did I unknowingly enter Thailand: The World’s Largest Trailer Park?
Before arriving in Thailand I was under the impression that this was a relatively safe country and that due to the high “deeply-Buddhist” population (85-90%), the theft rate is very low. Apparently this is not the case. Within our first two months all of these things were stolen right out of our apartments/hotels.
-Josh: 7,000 baht ($200.) was stolen from a hiding spot in our hotel room
-Nelly: several shirts and her only sweater
-Brandon’s helmet and his only two watches (Fossils) which were gifts
-My debit card number was stolen and almost $5,000. (US) was charged (long story!!!)
Thailand is called “The Land of Smiles.” I’ve also heard that if a Thai person smiles at you, you should run the other way. I’ve found the later to be accurate. With only a few exceptions, all the Thais that have been “warm” and polite to us have been trying to rip us off. It’s terrible but in hind sight, even the Thais that we thought were our friends were actually just trying to cheat us: our lying, evil landlord in particular. The dishonesty that we hear on a daily basis has sadly made us very untrusting. I now have no doubt that every single Thai believes that it’s their civic duty to rip off farangs (Westerners) as often as possible.
Restaurants: Many restaurants have both Thai menus and English menus. Go figure – the English menus have much higher prices listed. One of our favorite restaurants (Wanjai) finally started giving us the Thai prices (occasionally) but we never knew what our bill would look like because they varied their prices for us every time. And our very favorite restaurant (Cow) overcharges us by 5, 10, or 20 baht every single time we go there even though we’re there at least four times/week. It’s so frustrating!
Although I’m sure bargaining may be fun for some travelers, I’ve found it especially exhausting. After three months of negotiating over bottles of drinking water and for every other single thing that I buy, I’m getting really tired. Really, it wouldn’t be that bad if I didn’t have to pay the “farang price” which is at least double what a Thai would have to pay. Just today Brandon and I stopped at a fruit market. I choose two mangos and one small watermelon. The staff showed me their calculator (as most Thai people do) and the total price was 149 baht. 149 baht?!?! That’s insane!! We just watched a Thai guy buy four bags of fruit for 40 baht!! I weighed my mangos myself and showed her that they should only cost 19 baht according to her sign that said “Mangos 35 baht/kg” she said “mai-chai, mai-chai, mai-chai” and showed me the calculator which said 45 baht. 45 baht for two mangos? No way!! So I offered her 104 baht for just the watermelon. “mai-chai, 140 baht.” Let me get this straight, if I buy just the mangos, they’re 45 baht. And if I buy just the watermelon it’s 140 baht. But together they’re 149 baht? Terrible math aside, she was completely ripping me off. The mangos were totally over priced even at 19 baht for two and the watermelon should have been 30 baht MAX!! I’m a jew so I didn’t buy either. It’s a matter of principle.
My parents are sure that I’m overreacting. They believe that I should be OK with the higher “white people prices” because I have more money than most Thias and I should want to support them. Obviously my parents aren’t taking into consideration that I’m a JEW and when I can tell that I’m being ripped off, it bothers me. BIGTIME!! Hahahaaaa!!! I don’t know, maybe they’re totally right. But like Brandon always says, “In America, should we charge Bill Gates $500. for a hamburger just because he can afford it?”
Motorbikes: There is probably nothing that makes me more furious than seeing a Thai holding their INFANT while speeding around on their motorbikes (aka: “deathtraps”). They ride around holding babies or balancing their children on their laps on those amazingly unsafe bikes. Helmets? Absolutely not. All four of us have had students in our classes that have needed skin graphs from the amount of damage they’ve gotten while riding with their parents on Motorbikes. Those bikes are insanely unsafe. ESPECIALLY when tons of people driving them are children!! Kids start driving motorbikes (alone or with their friends piled on the back) on the streets when they’re 10-12 years old. It’s so disturbing. Why do parents allow this? I would never, ever let a child do this. Do Thais care about their children’s safety less than Americans do? I don’t understand. I’ve been told that if you have a child in Thailand you have to bring a car seat from home with you. Apparently they don’t sell them in Thailand. WTF?!?!
Crossing the street: It’s shocking. I don’t care if you’re holding three crying babies and it’s pouring down buckets of rain; not a single car will stop for you to cross the street. It’s so scary having to dodge your way across one lane only to have to wait in the very center while more cars and bikes speed past before you can run to the other side. I wonder how many pedestrians die from just trying to cross streets?! Thai people are f’ing crazy.
Line cutting. Oh my god! You have to shove your way to a counter before eight thai people elbow their way in front of you. I swear, it’s like a game to them – Who can keep the farang from the front of the line the longest?!?! They even elbow and push sweet, little Nelly!!
I may be becoming racist against Thai people. But they’re DEFINITELY more racist than I am. Thai people do not like black people. Period. From everything I’ve heard (including information from my TEFL class), if you’re black, it’s excruciatingly hard to find work in a Thai company or school. The recruiting agency I work for, they’re very open about only hiring white people. We’ve seen them turn down black applicants twice when we’ve known that the agency desperately needed teachers. It’s so awful. I just got done reading the blog of a black man that reported that he couldn’t even get a “date” with a bar girl (hooker) in Patong because of his skin color. It’s awful.
“Why don’t you just hit them?” These were the only instructions I got from my school when I asked about discipline procedures. No, you can’t send naughty students to see the principal. Just hit them. And hit them, they do!! Thai teachers beat the hell out of their students. Yes, most of the little brats do deserve it but I think it still says a lot about a culture that allows and accepts such violence. BUT, I guess it’s better for children to be beaten in school than not to go to school at all. We’ve met lots of child-laborers here that don’t get to go to school at all. Lovely.
Animal Abuse: PETA needs to get the fuck over here. Some dogs in this country are so mangled and disfigured that I can’t even look at them. It’s worse than anything that you’re picturing. It’s pathetic and terrible that the government doesn’t go on a shooting spree and put all of these poor animals out of their misery. Elephants: When Brandon and I were in Singapore I read a poster that talked about how elephants used to be controlled by sharp metal hooks being placed behind their ears. The poster explained that this is thankfully not a modern practice and it was only used in Myanmar. Ummmmmm, every time I see an elephant in Thailand it’s always being led around by a bloody-tipped hook.
I just read a book called “Only 13, The True Story of Lon.” It’s an autobiography of a Pattaya (“Sex Capitol of the World” just south of Bangkok) prostitute. Besides wanting to read some dirty stories, I bought it because the book promised a commentary on Thai culture as a whole which is something that I’m especially interested in. I want to understand these people!!!!! I thought that this book would bring me more understanding and tolerance of Thais. I really don’t want to be racist!!
Bad move – this book made me even more angry. Here’s a few things that I learned:
Shockingly, it’s terribly common for families to force their 13-15 year old daughters into prostitution. The family acts as pimps and pockets all her earnings. The author of the book slept with dirty, farang men 365 days/year for five years and had to give all of her earnings to her mother and brother to “quench their insatiable need for cash” so that they could buy luxuries. The book went on and on describing all the ways her family destroyed every opportunity that she had for happiness. And according to the author, this is a devastatingly common story among Thai prostitutes.
The author writes that one of the many reasons that Thai girls prefer dating farang men over Thais is that Thai men are apparently notoriously unfaithful to their partners and that rape (especially of young girls) is very commonly committed. I suppose this is true of men of all races but it still just adds fuel to my fire and makes me more pissed at Thais.
Lon writes about how she found people in Europe to be incredibly kind and sincere compared to Thai people. She seems to think that Thai people are cold, rude and uncaring too.
There are a million more things I could write about but I’m sure that I’ve already embarrassed myself enough.
So, am I being a crazy, ethnocentric American? Definitely. But I can’t seem to help it. Brandon, Josh and Nelly feel just as strong if not stronger on the subject than I do. Most farangs that we’ve talked to tell us of their “love/hate relationships” with Thais. I don’t know what to do!!! Am I looking at these people in the wrong light?! Help!!!!
UPDATE:
I decided that I’m acting like a republican. I may be from Battle Ground, WA (hick central) but I refuse to be racist. I’ve been continuing to have awful experiences with inconsiderateness and theft but I’ve decided that my attitude is only going to make the situations worse. I still only have one Thai friends (a little black lab that lives downstairs), but I’m doing my best to meet people! Here’s to having a more open mind!!!
Jun 30, 2009
Josh is the biggest Jerk I've ever met
God I hope Josh's parents read this!!!!!
Fucked up shit that Josh has done to us:
-RESSES - oh my god. Josh's parents sent josh a huge box of mini resses peanut butter cups (among other glorious snacks) because we've all been craving them LIKE CRAZY. Josh gave me four resses. Four. In Josh's words: "four too many." And two of those I had to earn by finding his lost phone (which took forever and involved me going all the way down to the parking lot in the 90 degree heat when I had just taken a shower). Nelly got the same amount and we found out that he used to eat them while she was in the shower so that he didn't have to share with her. To this day I still have to watch him shove Cliff bars in his stupid face while all I have to look forward to is rice and more rice.
-Josh LOVES to watch movies more than anyone in the world. He watches at least one everyday on his computer. Rather than having the volume up so that BOTH Nelly and him can watch the movie, he plugs his head phones in so that she can't hear anything. She just has to sit there and watch the movie in silence. She complains about this to Brandon and me all the time (in front of Josh) and he still keeps doing it. He even thinks it's funny.
-JOSH RUINED NELLY'S BIRTHDAY!! ....unforgivable
-Until Nelly gets paid she's been having to borrow money from Josh.... and he is SO CHEAP!! When we go out to dinner she always has to ask him what she's allowed to order. If what she wants is five baht (14 cents) more expensive than something else he deems acceptable on the menu, he won't let her get it. But for him, the sky's the limit. He once spent 1,000 baht on one meal ($35.)!!!
-Josh talks us out of doing shit all the time. Beach trips, snorkeling, hanging out with other farangs. In fact, our TEFL class gave Josh the award for "Mr. Social" because he always refuses to do ANYTHING with the group. Nelly and I blame Josh all the time for our lack of friends on the island.
-Nelly spends a total of 6 hours every week WAITING for rides from Josh/Brandon when it's convenient for them. Josh always makes her wait for 1, 2, 3 hours for a ride home from Brandon rather than driving ten minutes and picking her up himself. He says that he can't justify wasting the gas but on more thatn one occasion when Josh has a break from class (even just for 40 minutes) he drives home to hang out. He's SO SELFISH!!!!
Fucked up shit that Josh has said to me:
-"What the fuck is that on your face?!" Oh my god.... that's a zit?? It's HUGE!"
-"Are you sure you should be eating ice cream?"
-"I better sit on that side of the car to even out the weight distribution"
-Mariel: "Brandon is turning into Josh; he's such a liar" Josh: "What? Did he tell Mariel that she's pretty?"
-He makes fun of the man of my dreams: Obama
-He calls me a kike about 20 times every day
-He says "faggot," "nigger" and "gook" all the time just because he knows it really bothers me (and because he's as racist as a nascar-watching, walmart-shopping redneck from Mississippi).
-I was complaining how Josh hangs out in our room wearing only undies for for at least four hours everyday.... Mariel: "If you don't start wearing clothes, I'm going to hang out in your room in just undies too" Josh: "Oh my god - GROSS!!!"
Josh says something mean to Nelly.... Mariel: "You are SO MEAN TO HER. If I was your girlfriend I would leave you so fast!" Josh: "You? MY girlfriend?? hahahahahaaaa.... gross."
-Brandon pulled down my pants so that I mooned Josh. Josh: "I just saw your butt....GROSS!!!!!"
Fucked up shit that Josh has said to Nelly:
-"The computer is my new toy. You are my old toy."
-"I'm going to sell you so that you have to make money licking butt holes for the rest of your life"
JOSH'S LIES:
-Nelly, Josh and I are are sharing one car which means we obviously carpool to work. For our first three weeks of work Josh told us that his classes started at 8am on Mondays which means that even though Nelly and my first classes aren't until 8:45, we still have to leave at 7:30am with Josh. AFTER THREE WEEKS of waking up super early, we found out that Josh's Monday classes don't start until 9:30am. He was completely lying to us and making us wake up extra early on Mondays because he's a total jerk!!! His explanation (once he got caught) - he needs to do lesson planning on Monday mornings. This makes us even more mad at him because the rest of us do our lesson planning on Sundays at ECC's computer lab. While we're doing lesson planning he hangs out on facebook and myspace and never does prep work. To this day he still defends his lie and doesn't think he did anything wrong.
-Josh used my tooth brush for OVER A WEEK and then lied about it. He kept saying that it wasn't his fault because the dentist's name that's one my tooth brush is HIS dentist. RIGHT.... Josh (who's from Gresham, OR) goes to my dentist in Vancouver, WA?? Sure. In fact, he still lies about it to this very day.
-The day after Josh bought his new computer we were planning on going to the Beach for the day. He went on and on about how he was really sick and couldn't go. We decided to skip the beach and stay home with him. It turned out that Josh wasn't sick AT ALL. He just wanted to play with his new computer. He fully admitted that he was lying and he doesn't feel bad about making us all stay home on a Saturday.
-To make me feel bad about how TERRIBLE my teaching job is compared to his, Josh told me that he has all brand new, shiny, clean white boards. We found out a few days later that he has CHALK BOARDS.
THE WORST PART is that when I read this list to Josh he laughed his head off and spent the next half hour racking his brain trying to think of other shit that he has done to us. He kept saying: "I know there's been so much more good stuff. OOooo, OOo, make sure you write about the time I was unrelentlessly mean to you for 48 hours and almost made you cry. And make sure you write about the time I slapped you when you were drunk!" I originally wrote this thinking that he'd feel bad when he heard all this. What the hell is wrong with him?!?! He's so proud of this stuff!!! Last month, Nelly, Brandon and I tried to have an intervention with him about all the lying and selfishness, he just laughed and laughed.
To Ashley and Jessica (whom I tried to hook up with Josh before Nelly was around) - I'M SO SORRY!!! I didn't know he was like this before I lived with him. And Nelly, oh my god, I'm so, so, so sorry!
Jun 22, 2009
The Ping Pong Show
I think we all knew this was bound to happen.
First off, I have to point out that this was NOT our idea. We got talked into it by our TEFL friends that said that it was an essential Thailand experience that we absolutely can't pass up (thanks guys). so, we went to Patong.
As you walk around the streets of this tourist-filled beach you'll be constantly approached by Thai's holding laminated cards adverting their employer's fine ping pong establishments. They always approach Brandon and Josh: "you like pooosy?! pooosy show!" Usually the boys say that their gay and hate pussy (which Nelly and I quickly and truthfully attest to) - but not tonight. They went to work negotiating the price because as I've mentioned before, you can negotiate the price of anything here in Thailand. Apparently Ping pong shows are "free" but you're required to buy grossly marked up drinks. For example, a singha beer is usually around 50 baht/bottle ($1.52) at bars but at a ping pong show: 500 baht ($14.28). Brandon and Josh got the price down to 75 baht ($2.14), so we went in.
On the inside, the place looked exactly as you'd expect. Blacked out windows, mirrors everywhere, super dark except for the red lights focused on a raised stage in the center. As we walked in the stage had six half naked thai girls swinging around the four stripper poles and dancing to loud, american pop music. The girls kept begging Nelly and me to come dance with them. I hope they weren't too offended when we hid behind Josh and Brandon like shy three-year olds. Jesus Christ - I wonder if girls from the audience ever do go up there?!?! Oddly, even though all the ping-pong girls were really thin, they all somehow had really flabby looking stomachs and butts. But that was just the beginning of the grossness.
For the next twenty minutes we hid behind each other and said "oh my god, oh my god, no, no, no" about a million times. I probably had an anxiety attack, Nelly and Josh cried and Brandon swore off vaginas for the rest of his life. Here's a list of the "acts" we suffered through:
-The first girl yanked at least ten meters of a silk flower chain out of her v. She kept trying to get josh to pull it out for her. She gave up when he looked like he was going to scream
-Eels. We watched two 10 inch eels fall out of a vagina into a fish bowl.
-Catfish. Oh my god.
-The girl that I named the Air Specialist blew out four candles WITH HER VAGINA then proceeded to shoot darts with her talented v at balloons (which were taped way at the top of the stripper poles). Unbelievable. And it gets worse. She stuck two lit cigarettes up there and smoked them - puff, puff, puke
-Ping Pongs - lots of them.
All things considered, we were holding it together relatively well at this point. None of us had passed out or puked and we even found the strength to clap after each "performance" - but then.... the frog. No, not a frog, a toad. We saw a Thai girl give birth to an enormous, bumpy, live toad. It was the size of my f'ing hand and as soon as it was "released" it hopped across the stage. That was it - I really wanted to leave. But for some reason, we stayed and it only got worse..... a parakeet. I will never look at cute, little, yellow and green parakeet the same ever again. As soon as the little thing was plopped out, a different girl put it on her finger, KISSED IT and set it down right in front of us. It ruffled it's tiny, moist feathers, flapped its wings, and that was it - WE RAN OUT OF THERE!! You'd think that the bird would have been the grand finale but no, apparently we missed out on the "razor-blade act," the "banana act" tons more. THANK GOD.
First off, I have to point out that this was NOT our idea. We got talked into it by our TEFL friends that said that it was an essential Thailand experience that we absolutely can't pass up (thanks guys). so, we went to Patong.
As you walk around the streets of this tourist-filled beach you'll be constantly approached by Thai's holding laminated cards adverting their employer's fine ping pong establishments. They always approach Brandon and Josh: "you like pooosy?! pooosy show!" Usually the boys say that their gay and hate pussy (which Nelly and I quickly and truthfully attest to) - but not tonight. They went to work negotiating the price because as I've mentioned before, you can negotiate the price of anything here in Thailand. Apparently Ping pong shows are "free" but you're required to buy grossly marked up drinks. For example, a singha beer is usually around 50 baht/bottle ($1.52) at bars but at a ping pong show: 500 baht ($14.28). Brandon and Josh got the price down to 75 baht ($2.14), so we went in.
On the inside, the place looked exactly as you'd expect. Blacked out windows, mirrors everywhere, super dark except for the red lights focused on a raised stage in the center. As we walked in the stage had six half naked thai girls swinging around the four stripper poles and dancing to loud, american pop music. The girls kept begging Nelly and me to come dance with them. I hope they weren't too offended when we hid behind Josh and Brandon like shy three-year olds. Jesus Christ - I wonder if girls from the audience ever do go up there?!?! Oddly, even though all the ping-pong girls were really thin, they all somehow had really flabby looking stomachs and butts. But that was just the beginning of the grossness.
For the next twenty minutes we hid behind each other and said "oh my god, oh my god, no, no, no" about a million times. I probably had an anxiety attack, Nelly and Josh cried and Brandon swore off vaginas for the rest of his life. Here's a list of the "acts" we suffered through:
-The first girl yanked at least ten meters of a silk flower chain out of her v. She kept trying to get josh to pull it out for her. She gave up when he looked like he was going to scream
-Eels. We watched two 10 inch eels fall out of a vagina into a fish bowl.
-Catfish. Oh my god.
-The girl that I named the Air Specialist blew out four candles WITH HER VAGINA then proceeded to shoot darts with her talented v at balloons (which were taped way at the top of the stripper poles). Unbelievable. And it gets worse. She stuck two lit cigarettes up there and smoked them - puff, puff, puke
-Ping Pongs - lots of them.
All things considered, we were holding it together relatively well at this point. None of us had passed out or puked and we even found the strength to clap after each "performance" - but then.... the frog. No, not a frog, a toad. We saw a Thai girl give birth to an enormous, bumpy, live toad. It was the size of my f'ing hand and as soon as it was "released" it hopped across the stage. That was it - I really wanted to leave. But for some reason, we stayed and it only got worse..... a parakeet. I will never look at cute, little, yellow and green parakeet the same ever again. As soon as the little thing was plopped out, a different girl put it on her finger, KISSED IT and set it down right in front of us. It ruffled it's tiny, moist feathers, flapped its wings, and that was it - WE RAN OUT OF THERE!! You'd think that the bird would have been the grand finale but no, apparently we missed out on the "razor-blade act," the "banana act" tons more. THANK GOD.
Jun 15, 2009
And you thought pronouncing Mariel was bad?!?!
Here's the FIRST names of the kids in one of my classes:
Yotsanun
Sirichai
Panupong
Chayut
Titinun
Nattapol
Thapanut
Satanatorn
Chontrakarn
Bongkoch
Korngun
Bongkotmas
Worrakarn
Jirawadee
Haruthai
Jatuporn
.....ok, you get the picture. You should see their last names!!!
Even Thai people think their names are too tricky so they all have a "choolane" or nickname. They almost always have an "English" nickname. At least they think it's English. Here's a few of my favorites:
Save
Man
Shop
Donut
Blaze (I'd want this to be my choolane)
Pork
Gun (there's loads of "Guns")
Bang
Warm
Mild
Pookie
Bank
M
Oh
KittyPorn (there's TONS of kids with "Porn" in their name)
Ball
Nice
Next
Tiger (I have three Tigers)
Ford (that sucks)
Milk
Too
Mint
Book
Yotsanun
Sirichai
Panupong
Chayut
Titinun
Nattapol
Thapanut
Satanatorn
Chontrakarn
Bongkoch
Korngun
Bongkotmas
Worrakarn
Jirawadee
Haruthai
Jatuporn
.....ok, you get the picture. You should see their last names!!!
Even Thai people think their names are too tricky so they all have a "choolane" or nickname. They almost always have an "English" nickname. At least they think it's English. Here's a few of my favorites:
Save
Man
Shop
Donut
Blaze (I'd want this to be my choolane)
Pork
Gun (there's loads of "Guns")
Bang
Warm
Mild
Pookie
Bank
M
Oh
KittyPorn (there's TONS of kids with "Porn" in their name)
Ball
Nice
Next
Tiger (I have three Tigers)
Ford (that sucks)
Milk
Too
Mint
Book
Jun 14, 2009
A few photos
Such a small world!! Andrea and I were in the same house at WSU and somehow we both ended up in Phuket at them same time!!
Brandon and me
Nelly
Some of the students from the TEFL International class organized an "Academy Awards" party after we all graduated. I am very honored to announce that I won the award for "The Most Panic Attacks" - YES!!! ;)
Oh yeah!!
Brandon wanted me to take this picture as proof that he's the world's best boyfriend.... we're at a Vegetarian Restaurant. I was sooooooo excited to go to this place but it actually kinda sucked. Their version of Tofu is waaaaaaaaaaay different than anything I've ever soon. Too bad!!!
Jun 5, 2009
I'm never having kids
Don't tell Brandon.... I have a crush on another man
He's 5'4", Thai, about fifty years old and I love him. Why? Because he beats my kids.
Sam (that's what I call him because I can't pronounce his name) came into my classroom three times each class period today and whacked all my bad students on the back of the head. It was awesome. Now I know exactly what you're all thinking. You're thinking that there is no possible reason in the world that a nine year old would deserve to be struck. Well I'm hear to tell you that I felt exactly the same until I met THESE nine year olds. Here's some of the things my kids did just today and yesterday and I promise I'm not exaggerating:
-took a beaker off the shelf (I'm in a science lab) and threw it on the ground (on purpose) so that it shattered into a million pieces. This is extra bad because the kids all leave their shoes outside of the classroom
-I handed out a wordsearch worksheet and one group of boys just circled a bunch of random groups of letters then went back to playing. When I noticed this, I took away their wordsearches and gave them new ones and repeated the instructions. They wadded up their papers and threw them on the ground. I tried to make them clean them up but they wouldn't do it so I grabbed the ring leader and tried to make him sit in the corner. He just kept marching back to his seat. I tried to talk to him but it didn't work. WTF?
-someone drew two penises on their desk. Great.
-stole one of my two markers and put it in a cup of water without the cap (they thought it was SOOOOO funny)
-a group of five boys kept playing "muay thai" (kickboxing) while I was trying to do my board work. They WOULDN'T sit down. I grabbed one by the wrist and pulled him into the hallway and told him to stay. As I was positioning another one of the boys in a corner, the hallway boy ran back and started wresting with another kid. I put the one back in the hallway and as soon as I came back the boy that was supposed to be in the corner was fighting with another kid. This "game" went on for so long. It was a "you've got to me f'ing kidding me" class. They literally have no respect for me. I even was really rough with the worst boy and I pushed his head down so that he had to put his head down on the table but the very second that I turned around he jumped up and launched himself fist-first on to another kid.
-one boy ran up to my chalk board and just started erasing stuff that the kids were supposed to be copying into their notebooks
-another boy took one of my makers and drew a huge line on another boy's uniform.
-screaming, screaming, screaming. They never sit still and be quiet!!
The list goes on and on. I asked the other white teachers at my school - WHY ARE MY KIDS DOING THIS??? And they all said that it's because they don't respect me because I haven't hit them. They said that the kids are testing me and now that they're confident that I'm not going to hit them they're going to treat my classroom like it's their recess time. They said that classroom management skills don't matter here; I just need to hit the kids. And I want to but I'm not going to. That's why I love Sam...... he beats my kids for me and even though the kids are back to being evil as soon as he leaves, at least I know they're in a little bit of pain. HHAAAAHAHAHAAA!!!!
Ok, so they're not all bad.
When there's kids as bad as mine it's hard to focus on the good ones but they are definitely worth mentioning.
"Teacher beautiful." I hear that a hundred times a day!! The little girls (and the future lady boys) in my class tell me that I'm beautiful constantly. It's awesome. I just have to ignore the fact that when it comes to a Thai person's perception of beauty, paleness is by far the most important factor. Apparently I need to go tanning.
Almost all the girls in my classes really are little angels. They finish their worksheets 10x faster than the boys and they always raise their hands rather than screaming out the answers. They're so good!! That's why it's extra bad that the rotten kids in my class are so disruptive. These little girls really do want to learn but they're not being given a good chance because of the bad kids.
He's 5'4", Thai, about fifty years old and I love him. Why? Because he beats my kids.
Sam (that's what I call him because I can't pronounce his name) came into my classroom three times each class period today and whacked all my bad students on the back of the head. It was awesome. Now I know exactly what you're all thinking. You're thinking that there is no possible reason in the world that a nine year old would deserve to be struck. Well I'm hear to tell you that I felt exactly the same until I met THESE nine year olds. Here's some of the things my kids did just today and yesterday and I promise I'm not exaggerating:
-took a beaker off the shelf (I'm in a science lab) and threw it on the ground (on purpose) so that it shattered into a million pieces. This is extra bad because the kids all leave their shoes outside of the classroom
-I handed out a wordsearch worksheet and one group of boys just circled a bunch of random groups of letters then went back to playing. When I noticed this, I took away their wordsearches and gave them new ones and repeated the instructions. They wadded up their papers and threw them on the ground. I tried to make them clean them up but they wouldn't do it so I grabbed the ring leader and tried to make him sit in the corner. He just kept marching back to his seat. I tried to talk to him but it didn't work. WTF?
-someone drew two penises on their desk. Great.
-stole one of my two markers and put it in a cup of water without the cap (they thought it was SOOOOO funny)
-a group of five boys kept playing "muay thai" (kickboxing) while I was trying to do my board work. They WOULDN'T sit down. I grabbed one by the wrist and pulled him into the hallway and told him to stay. As I was positioning another one of the boys in a corner, the hallway boy ran back and started wresting with another kid. I put the one back in the hallway and as soon as I came back the boy that was supposed to be in the corner was fighting with another kid. This "game" went on for so long. It was a "you've got to me f'ing kidding me" class. They literally have no respect for me. I even was really rough with the worst boy and I pushed his head down so that he had to put his head down on the table but the very second that I turned around he jumped up and launched himself fist-first on to another kid.
-one boy ran up to my chalk board and just started erasing stuff that the kids were supposed to be copying into their notebooks
-another boy took one of my makers and drew a huge line on another boy's uniform.
-screaming, screaming, screaming. They never sit still and be quiet!!
The list goes on and on. I asked the other white teachers at my school - WHY ARE MY KIDS DOING THIS??? And they all said that it's because they don't respect me because I haven't hit them. They said that the kids are testing me and now that they're confident that I'm not going to hit them they're going to treat my classroom like it's their recess time. They said that classroom management skills don't matter here; I just need to hit the kids. And I want to but I'm not going to. That's why I love Sam...... he beats my kids for me and even though the kids are back to being evil as soon as he leaves, at least I know they're in a little bit of pain. HHAAAAHAHAHAAA!!!!
Ok, so they're not all bad.
When there's kids as bad as mine it's hard to focus on the good ones but they are definitely worth mentioning.
"Teacher beautiful." I hear that a hundred times a day!! The little girls (and the future lady boys) in my class tell me that I'm beautiful constantly. It's awesome. I just have to ignore the fact that when it comes to a Thai person's perception of beauty, paleness is by far the most important factor. Apparently I need to go tanning.
Almost all the girls in my classes really are little angels. They finish their worksheets 10x faster than the boys and they always raise their hands rather than screaming out the answers. They're so good!! That's why it's extra bad that the rotten kids in my class are so disruptive. These little girls really do want to learn but they're not being given a good chance because of the bad kids.
May 31, 2009
Pink Party: The best/worst night everrrr
Mike, one of our friends from TEFL, invited us to his "Pink" birthday party last night. We showed up at the meeting place and up pulls a GIANT, two level tour bus..... it was AWESOME! I'd guess that there was probably about forty of us that hopped on. It was the coolest party bus EVERRRRRR - there was even coolers of beer waiting for us inside!! We drank all the way to Surin Beach which I think is the best beach on the island. Such a cool birthday!
The bad part of the night came after the party bus dropped us off at our car and we were driving home. Brandon was driving (because he's always our sober-sister) and as we were turning into our apartment, a guy on a motorbike slammed into our car. Oh my god. I've never jumped out of a car so fast - I ran around the back side of the car and saw a dumped bike and blood everywhere. There was at least a full two cups of blood splattered all over the pavement..... but no person. oh my god, oh my god - I was sure he was dead in a ditch 10 feet away or something. But no, he was pacing/limping back and fourth holding his hands on his bleeding head. I grabbed him and tried and tried to get him to sit down but he REFUSED and just kept "sorry madam." He was drunk. Big time. The poor guy was 27 years old (we found out later) and he wasn't wearing a helmet. I can't believe he wasn't killed yet alone walking around!!! Our back window was shattered and there was a huge dent on the back of our trunk - how is he ok???? Ten staff people from our apartment came out to the road to help (yes, they really do work at 2am - it's sooooo weird). Poor Brandon had to heard me away and force Josh to take Nelly back to the room (she was seriously blacked out and it turns out that she didn't remember any of this). He was scared that the cops were going to see a bunch of drunk Americans dressed in Pink and automatically blame us for the accident. Side note: for those of you that don't know Brandon, he was completely sober (as always). That's why his nick name is Juice, actually. I felt so bad for him; EVERYONE came to the scene (cuz that's how it works in Thailand)...the insurance company rep, the rental company guy, the apartment staff, the ambulance drivers, the cops - and of course no one could speak English except for our apartment manager who was piss drunk. Poor Brandon!! He thought they were all talking about how they should just shoot the stupid American and dump him in a ditch to solve the problem!!
Anyways, long story short: the kid admitted full fault because he was driving on the wrong side of the road (they do that alllllll the time on motorbikes), speeding and he was drinking. He was breathalyzed and he was a .12% so I guess that's why he didn't think he was hurt. He has to pay our insurance's deductible (2,000 baht = $57.) and he has to go to Jail for three days. Poor guy. He was a drunk driver but I still feel really, really bad. Brandon (who blew a 0%) was cleared of all charges but he had to sit at the police station until 4:00am. Our car rental company woke us up the next morning when they brought us a new Toyota Vios (like a Camery). Hopefully we'll have better luck with this one. I HATE DRIVING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bad part of the night came after the party bus dropped us off at our car and we were driving home. Brandon was driving (because he's always our sober-sister) and as we were turning into our apartment, a guy on a motorbike slammed into our car. Oh my god. I've never jumped out of a car so fast - I ran around the back side of the car and saw a dumped bike and blood everywhere. There was at least a full two cups of blood splattered all over the pavement..... but no person. oh my god, oh my god - I was sure he was dead in a ditch 10 feet away or something. But no, he was pacing/limping back and fourth holding his hands on his bleeding head. I grabbed him and tried and tried to get him to sit down but he REFUSED and just kept "sorry madam." He was drunk. Big time. The poor guy was 27 years old (we found out later) and he wasn't wearing a helmet. I can't believe he wasn't killed yet alone walking around!!! Our back window was shattered and there was a huge dent on the back of our trunk - how is he ok???? Ten staff people from our apartment came out to the road to help (yes, they really do work at 2am - it's sooooo weird). Poor Brandon had to heard me away and force Josh to take Nelly back to the room (she was seriously blacked out and it turns out that she didn't remember any of this). He was scared that the cops were going to see a bunch of drunk Americans dressed in Pink and automatically blame us for the accident. Side note: for those of you that don't know Brandon, he was completely sober (as always). That's why his nick name is Juice, actually. I felt so bad for him; EVERYONE came to the scene (cuz that's how it works in Thailand)...the insurance company rep, the rental company guy, the apartment staff, the ambulance drivers, the cops - and of course no one could speak English except for our apartment manager who was piss drunk. Poor Brandon!! He thought they were all talking about how they should just shoot the stupid American and dump him in a ditch to solve the problem!!
Anyways, long story short: the kid admitted full fault because he was driving on the wrong side of the road (they do that alllllll the time on motorbikes), speeding and he was drinking. He was breathalyzed and he was a .12% so I guess that's why he didn't think he was hurt. He has to pay our insurance's deductible (2,000 baht = $57.) and he has to go to Jail for three days. Poor guy. He was a drunk driver but I still feel really, really bad. Brandon (who blew a 0%) was cleared of all charges but he had to sit at the police station until 4:00am. Our car rental company woke us up the next morning when they brought us a new Toyota Vios (like a Camery). Hopefully we'll have better luck with this one. I HATE DRIVING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 28, 2009
Kill me now.
I never, ever thought I'd say this. But maybe working at Mercy Corps wasn't that bad.
I just got done teaching my very first class at Plookpanya: a Government school in Phuket-Town. It was NOTHING like what I expected.
Josh dropped me off at the entrance of my school right at at 8am just as all the students were lined up and singing the national anthem. There were hundreds of uniformed children in perfect, straight rows - it was unbelievably adorable. As I was walking in I was so excited to be a "real" teacher; I was sure that I had found my life calling!! ....but then I met my class. Oh my god.
Adorable? Yes. Evil? Definitely. I haven't seen such such misbehaved kids since I went to walmart (Six years ago... before I KNEW). My first class was ten year-olds and consisted of six girls and two boys that were angels and twenty terrible, screaming, obnoxious, violent, WILD boys. THEY WOULDN'T SIT DOWN!! They kept making fun on me in Thai and throwing things at the girls in the front row. My classroom is a science lab which means they kept sneaking over to the drawers and finding knives, bunsun burners, glass beakers and other things to break and throw.
Here's what I tried:
- Shouting "nip-nip" which means be quiet in Thai
- slamming my binder against the wall to get everyone's attention
- taking away their cell phones and rulers (which they kept slapping on the tables to make noise
- grabbing kids by the arm and forcing them to sit down
- telling them that they'll get candy at the end of class only if they're good
They thought it was all hilarious. It was especially frustrating because I spent SIX HOURS putting together a perfect lesson plan and those little brats made it impossible for me to teach.
At one point, a Thai teacher came into my room and slapped the hell out of two on the worst boys. Wow. I was shocked. But I was even more shocked about my reaction. I didn't feel sorry for the kids at all. I've read all of Brie's blog entries about Tanzanian teachers that beat the students and it made me SO SAD. But now, as far as I'm concerned, almost all of my students should have gotten kicked in the head. I think I did a really good job of looking calm as they screamed and freaked out for an hour straight but as soon as they all FINALLY left my class room I almost cried!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
My next two classes.... fuck them too. When Josh picked me up I was pretty much distraught and he had to talk me out of quitting. Later, we went to our placement agency so that I could make my lesson plan/worksheets for the next day and I ran into Rob: the teacher that had my kids last year. Rob has been teaching in Thailand for five years and he told me that without a doubt my classes are the very worst kids on the whole island. He kept saying how sorry he was for me. He said that he didn't blame me if I quit but he thinks I should stick it out because if I can teach at Plookpanya, I can handle any class in the world. And he said I definitely need to start hitting the kids.
Ohhhhhhhhhh, and then there's the school itself. Here's how my day went.... When I got to my school I had to talk to at least ten teachers in the main office before one of them knew what to do with me. Eventually someone showed me to my classroom and left me. My room - locked. Thank god I found another teacher to unlock my room but by then I only had a few minutes before my class was scheduled to begin. And guess what.... ALL of the tables/chairs are stacked up in one corner. PANIC!! Ok, fine. As fast as I could I unstacked everything and set up my whole classroom. I run out of my room and down the hall to another class room to see what time it is (because there's NO CLOCK in my room) and I see that it's 8:50 - my kids should have arrived five minutes ago. Great. They ended up being 20 MINUTES LATE! But it's fine because my classroom was SOOOO trashed. Literally. I picked up a whole trash bag full of papers which I added to the six other giant trash bags that were stacked in the corner of my room. WTF???
It's 93 degrees, is there air conditioning? No. Do I have a desk? Hell no. Do I have a chair? Ha! Chalk board? Yes but no chalk and no erasers/rags. Attendance list? "None available." Did I get a tour of the school? Ohhh no - I can't even find my way back to the office. Bathrooms - there's one western toilet in the whole school (the rest are "squat toilets") and THANK GOD I found it. As I was walking into the western restroom I saw that the floor was soaked.... oh no.... oh nooooo.... a hose; that means no toilet paper. NO TOILET PAPER! Amazingly I had toilet paper in my bag and soap too BECAUSE THERE'S NO SOAP IN THIS WHOLE SCHOOL! So gross. I hate this country.
5/26/09
So yeah, I have the job from hell. But it gets worse...... the very first school that we stopped at on our job-searching day had an opening that Josh and I were both qualified for (TEFL/Degree). He's been stressed about $$ so I didn't fill out an application so that he'd automatically get the job. I don't want to sound like a bitch but we all knew that if I applied there's a huge chance that I'd be a shoe in just because I'm a girl. 80-95% of Western teachers in Thailand are males which makes us girls a hot comodoty at ALL schools. So anyway, of course he almost immediately got the job (without an interview) and started the next day. His students...... SUPER respectful. Air conditioning.... everywhere. Lesson plans..... oh yeah. Chair..... leather. He got a "buddy" that gave him a TOUR and intruduced him to the employee whose job is to MAKE COPIES for the English department. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A COPY MACHINE!! He gets free lunches too. Each of his classes has an attendance list and even a "class secretary" that helps him with passing out worksheets and anything else he needs. And guess what..... he gets paid the same as I do but he works exactly HALF THE HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just got done teaching my very first class at Plookpanya: a Government school in Phuket-Town. It was NOTHING like what I expected.
Josh dropped me off at the entrance of my school right at at 8am just as all the students were lined up and singing the national anthem. There were hundreds of uniformed children in perfect, straight rows - it was unbelievably adorable. As I was walking in I was so excited to be a "real" teacher; I was sure that I had found my life calling!! ....but then I met my class. Oh my god.
Adorable? Yes. Evil? Definitely. I haven't seen such such misbehaved kids since I went to walmart (Six years ago... before I KNEW). My first class was ten year-olds and consisted of six girls and two boys that were angels and twenty terrible, screaming, obnoxious, violent, WILD boys. THEY WOULDN'T SIT DOWN!! They kept making fun on me in Thai and throwing things at the girls in the front row. My classroom is a science lab which means they kept sneaking over to the drawers and finding knives, bunsun burners, glass beakers and other things to break and throw.
Here's what I tried:
- Shouting "nip-nip" which means be quiet in Thai
- slamming my binder against the wall to get everyone's attention
- taking away their cell phones and rulers (which they kept slapping on the tables to make noise
- grabbing kids by the arm and forcing them to sit down
- telling them that they'll get candy at the end of class only if they're good
They thought it was all hilarious. It was especially frustrating because I spent SIX HOURS putting together a perfect lesson plan and those little brats made it impossible for me to teach.
At one point, a Thai teacher came into my room and slapped the hell out of two on the worst boys. Wow. I was shocked. But I was even more shocked about my reaction. I didn't feel sorry for the kids at all. I've read all of Brie's blog entries about Tanzanian teachers that beat the students and it made me SO SAD. But now, as far as I'm concerned, almost all of my students should have gotten kicked in the head. I think I did a really good job of looking calm as they screamed and freaked out for an hour straight but as soon as they all FINALLY left my class room I almost cried!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
My next two classes.... fuck them too. When Josh picked me up I was pretty much distraught and he had to talk me out of quitting. Later, we went to our placement agency so that I could make my lesson plan/worksheets for the next day and I ran into Rob: the teacher that had my kids last year. Rob has been teaching in Thailand for five years and he told me that without a doubt my classes are the very worst kids on the whole island. He kept saying how sorry he was for me. He said that he didn't blame me if I quit but he thinks I should stick it out because if I can teach at Plookpanya, I can handle any class in the world. And he said I definitely need to start hitting the kids.
Ohhhhhhhhhh, and then there's the school itself. Here's how my day went.... When I got to my school I had to talk to at least ten teachers in the main office before one of them knew what to do with me. Eventually someone showed me to my classroom and left me. My room - locked. Thank god I found another teacher to unlock my room but by then I only had a few minutes before my class was scheduled to begin. And guess what.... ALL of the tables/chairs are stacked up in one corner. PANIC!! Ok, fine. As fast as I could I unstacked everything and set up my whole classroom. I run out of my room and down the hall to another class room to see what time it is (because there's NO CLOCK in my room) and I see that it's 8:50 - my kids should have arrived five minutes ago. Great. They ended up being 20 MINUTES LATE! But it's fine because my classroom was SOOOO trashed. Literally. I picked up a whole trash bag full of papers which I added to the six other giant trash bags that were stacked in the corner of my room. WTF???
It's 93 degrees, is there air conditioning? No. Do I have a desk? Hell no. Do I have a chair? Ha! Chalk board? Yes but no chalk and no erasers/rags. Attendance list? "None available." Did I get a tour of the school? Ohhh no - I can't even find my way back to the office. Bathrooms - there's one western toilet in the whole school (the rest are "squat toilets") and THANK GOD I found it. As I was walking into the western restroom I saw that the floor was soaked.... oh no.... oh nooooo.... a hose; that means no toilet paper. NO TOILET PAPER! Amazingly I had toilet paper in my bag and soap too BECAUSE THERE'S NO SOAP IN THIS WHOLE SCHOOL! So gross. I hate this country.
5/26/09
So yeah, I have the job from hell. But it gets worse...... the very first school that we stopped at on our job-searching day had an opening that Josh and I were both qualified for (TEFL/Degree). He's been stressed about $$ so I didn't fill out an application so that he'd automatically get the job. I don't want to sound like a bitch but we all knew that if I applied there's a huge chance that I'd be a shoe in just because I'm a girl. 80-95% of Western teachers in Thailand are males which makes us girls a hot comodoty at ALL schools. So anyway, of course he almost immediately got the job (without an interview) and started the next day. His students...... SUPER respectful. Air conditioning.... everywhere. Lesson plans..... oh yeah. Chair..... leather. He got a "buddy" that gave him a TOUR and intruduced him to the employee whose job is to MAKE COPIES for the English department. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A COPY MACHINE!! He gets free lunches too. Each of his classes has an attendance list and even a "class secretary" that helps him with passing out worksheets and anything else he needs. And guess what..... he gets paid the same as I do but he works exactly HALF THE HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)