I've been saying a lot (A LOT) of bad things about Chiina in this blog. But to be fair, I need to point out that I've never been to Beijing or Shanghai – maybe people are less retarded there! Everyone keeps telling me that Foshan (the city I'm living in) is the Alabama of Chiina. It's where people are the most closed-mined and conservative in Chinaa. However, I've spent about 15 weekends in Guangzhou (the third biggest city in Chinaa) and from what I've seen, people are just about as stupid there as in Foshan.
Oh Foshan, how I hate thee! Foshan is where SARS originated. And, apparently (I haven't found anything on the internet about this) the Bird Flu ALSO started here too. F'ing crazy, right? But makes perfect sense to me.... no one (NO ONE) ever washes their hands here – ever. I’m serious; some people literally go through their entire lives without washing their hands. And I'm not exaggerating!!! Before I leave here I'm going to record my Chinese friends explaining how soap is bad for the skin on your hands so that everyone will believe me! I have to carry soap with me where ever I go because there is never any in bathrooms (including in schools or restaurants).
And then there's the sneezing and spitting. People don't cover their mouths when they sneeze or cough. That would be unheard of here and they have no idea about the spreading germs thing. "What are germs?" And since the pollution is so awful AND because every man in this country smokes (and exposes his family to second hand smoke), EVERYONE is always coughing and sneezing on each other. It's disgusting!! Also, everyone is always spitting. Chinese people believe that excess saliva contains toxins and needs to be expelled from the body continually. So, people are always spitting. People spit on the floor in grocery stores, restaurants and in my f'ing classroom!!
May 22, 2010
I love Brandon!!
For my birthday, Brandon grew out his hair for three months and didn’t shave his face for 3 ½ weeks. He looked so great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plus, he was super miserable having long hair, which I also enjoyed! :) After my birthday he was going to get his whole head and face shaved but I got him to agree to just get a normal haircut – I just have to do all of his laundry for the next 70 days. Whatever – I do most of his laundry anyway. Plus, he let me cut his hair into a mullet before we went to see the “barber” (man with a chair and a pair of scissors that charges 7rmb -$1. for a terrible haircut). I think that Brandon liked the mullet more than what the “barber” gave him – the guy shaved off his sideburns!
My birthday
This was my second birthday away from home. Last year was in Bangkok and this year: China. Since China makes me want to kill myself, I thought this was going to be the worst birthday EVER but it ended up being really, really nice!!!
Brandon surprised me by decorating our apartment and getting me every single ingredient that you need to make burritos!!! He actually found tortillas and cheese in HK!!!!!! It was the best meal I've ever had!
And the boxes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maria and my mom (the coolest people in the whooooooooole world) spent a gazillion dollars sending me giant boxes of American stuff!!!! I love them sooooo, soooo much! Unless you've lived in this hell country, there's no way you can really understand how much it means to get a pile of American magazines, luna bars, Indian food mixes and real chocolate. It was better than chirstmas morning!!! I've already read every single word in all of the magazines but I'm rationing all of the food so that it’ll last until July when I leave!! It's going to make surviving so much easier!
Brandon surprised me by decorating our apartment and getting me every single ingredient that you need to make burritos!!! He actually found tortillas and cheese in HK!!!!!! It was the best meal I've ever had!
And the boxes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maria and my mom (the coolest people in the whooooooooole world) spent a gazillion dollars sending me giant boxes of American stuff!!!! I love them sooooo, soooo much! Unless you've lived in this hell country, there's no way you can really understand how much it means to get a pile of American magazines, luna bars, Indian food mixes and real chocolate. It was better than chirstmas morning!!! I've already read every single word in all of the magazines but I'm rationing all of the food so that it’ll last until July when I leave!! It's going to make surviving so much easier!
Thank you gay nigga!!
There's a SUPER GAY Filipino guy that works at our school named Allen. When I first met him, I tried really hard to make him my new, gay bff because 1) I've always wanted a gay bff and 2) it seemed like he had no friends except for our psycho boss Tina. All the foreigners and Chinese staff hated him! But then, I learned why. He's a tattler!!! Tina (our super evil, bitchie boss) has Allen in her pocket. If we said anything negative about the school, our jobs or China in the vicinity of Allen, we knew that Tina was going to immediately find out about it. And he lied constantly to us! When we first started at our school, Tina and Allen had us doing retarded amounts of extra work because they said that it was part of our jobs. Then, we found out from the other foreign teachers that we were being lied to. I could go on ALL DAY about how badly he f'ed us over.
Ok, so Allen is Filipino, right? Every single Filipino I've ever met (I've been to the Philippines) speaks perfect, American-sounding English: but not allen. I have 12 year old Chinese kids in my classes with significantly better English than him- which definitely isn’t saying much. He’s nearly impossible to understand and his lisp and flamboyantly gay voice doesn’t help his cause. Anyway, he has a lot of weird phrases like “What time it is?” and “already I told her” but our favorite one is: “Thank you for that” – he says it ALL THE TIME and in a super gay way. Like hundreds of times a day! So of course, we all started saying it constantly. One time during a school promotion, Brandon and josh had the microphone and they said “thank you for that” at the end of every sentence right in front of allen (who didn’t notice). Nelly and I almost peed our pants.
So, in Chinese class one time, Josh asked how to say “thank you for that” in Chinese. Melon (our teacher and best friend) wrote on the board: “thank you” = “xia xia” “for” = “gay” and “that” = “nigga.” So, “XiaXia gay nigga.” We had to stop class because none of us could stop laughing.
So, for the past 8 months, we have been saying “gay nigga” constantly. We say “sorry gay nigga,” “I love you gay nigga,” “I'm hungry gay nigga.” We think we’re so funny!
Ok, so Allen is Filipino, right? Every single Filipino I've ever met (I've been to the Philippines) speaks perfect, American-sounding English: but not allen. I have 12 year old Chinese kids in my classes with significantly better English than him- which definitely isn’t saying much. He’s nearly impossible to understand and his lisp and flamboyantly gay voice doesn’t help his cause. Anyway, he has a lot of weird phrases like “What time it is?” and “already I told her” but our favorite one is: “Thank you for that” – he says it ALL THE TIME and in a super gay way. Like hundreds of times a day! So of course, we all started saying it constantly. One time during a school promotion, Brandon and josh had the microphone and they said “thank you for that” at the end of every sentence right in front of allen (who didn’t notice). Nelly and I almost peed our pants.
So, in Chinese class one time, Josh asked how to say “thank you for that” in Chinese. Melon (our teacher and best friend) wrote on the board: “thank you” = “xia xia” “for” = “gay” and “that” = “nigga.” So, “XiaXia gay nigga.” We had to stop class because none of us could stop laughing.
So, for the past 8 months, we have been saying “gay nigga” constantly. We say “sorry gay nigga,” “I love you gay nigga,” “I'm hungry gay nigga.” We think we’re so funny!
White Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Can you imagine dropping acid in China? You'd be like: whoaaaa, why is everyone so small? And Asian?” –our American friend: Jon
There are four million Chinese people in our city and 10 foreigners. So, every time we see a white person (or anyone that's not Chinese) – we freak out!!!! And so do Chinese people!
Being white is awesome in China. We're basically rock stars. People are always yelling “HALLO!” at us and taking pictures of us on their camera phones. Chinese people just think that whities are super cool (as they should). So naturally businesses love to use white people for their advertisements. Almost every restaurant, clothing store, training school (ours included) or shopping mall uses photos of white people eating their food/trying on their clothes/attending their classes as advertising. The photos are pretty much always fake or stolen. For example, there's a Spa next to our school that has a billboard with Clive Owen on it. And I once saw Brad Pitt's photo advertising a Chinese restaurant (Duh – don't they know that Brad is a vegetarian?!). AND, we saw an ad for hookers that used photos of Brittany Spears! Even Josh's photo is being used to advertise an Optometry Clinic!
This kind of stuff happens all the time – like one time, a Chinese lady asked Brandon/Josh/Nelly/me if we'd come to a “ceramics fair” to pretend that we were customers. She said that she'd pay us 300 rmb each ($43.) to pretend that we were interested in buying sinks, showers and toilets to import to America. Of course we agreed. By white people being there, it apparently made other customers more interested in purchasing the products. It was so awesome because while we were touring these stores, we got free food and as much wine as we wanted!!! YEAH! White Pow!
There are four million Chinese people in our city and 10 foreigners. So, every time we see a white person (or anyone that's not Chinese) – we freak out!!!! And so do Chinese people!
Being white is awesome in China. We're basically rock stars. People are always yelling “HALLO!” at us and taking pictures of us on their camera phones. Chinese people just think that whities are super cool (as they should). So naturally businesses love to use white people for their advertisements. Almost every restaurant, clothing store, training school (ours included) or shopping mall uses photos of white people eating their food/trying on their clothes/attending their classes as advertising. The photos are pretty much always fake or stolen. For example, there's a Spa next to our school that has a billboard with Clive Owen on it. And I once saw Brad Pitt's photo advertising a Chinese restaurant (Duh – don't they know that Brad is a vegetarian?!). AND, we saw an ad for hookers that used photos of Brittany Spears! Even Josh's photo is being used to advertise an Optometry Clinic!
This kind of stuff happens all the time – like one time, a Chinese lady asked Brandon/Josh/Nelly/me if we'd come to a “ceramics fair” to pretend that we were customers. She said that she'd pay us 300 rmb each ($43.) to pretend that we were interested in buying sinks, showers and toilets to import to America. Of course we agreed. By white people being there, it apparently made other customers more interested in purchasing the products. It was so awesome because while we were touring these stores, we got free food and as much wine as we wanted!!! YEAH! White Pow!
If this was America, I would die from embarrassment
I’ve been avoiding going dancing in Chinaa for the past nine months. I hate Chinese music (it ALL sounds like Brittany Spear but probably 1379% worse), I hate it when Chinese girls drink LITERALLY one sip of beer and then declare: “OH MY GOD; I’M SO TOTALLY WASTED” and start stumbling around, I hate going pee in a squat toilet when I’m drunk (or any other time for that matter) and I hate Chinese men who ALL consistently smoke at a rate of 8 cigarettes per hour. I knew that a Chinese bar or club would be the extremes of all these things so I did NOT want to go. But then, I got peer pressured into it and yes, I was totally dead on. Oh, there was one added surprise that I should have expected: dancing Chinese people = sweaty Chinese people = worst BO smell in the world!!!!!
The smoke is crazy. In the club, it looked like there were 10 fog machines on top notch – but there wasn’t. Just Chinese people smoking. Remember how I explained that 100% of Chinese men smoke and 0% of Chinese girls - well I learned that that’s not true. Prostitutes are all smokers and lots of the girls (almost half I’d guess) that go to clubs are smokers. So basically, after spending a few hours in this place, I’m pretty sure I have lung cancer.
Ok, ok, so a group of six of us went out last night to this bar called “V-Mix” which is supposed to be the COOLEST place in Shunde. We got a table and ordered a bucket of beers because that’s what everyone does. After drinking for a little while Nelly and I went to find a bathroom. Amazingly, we didn’t get lost on the way there but we definitely did on the way back. It turned out that this place has like a hundered different rooms. When we walked into the wrong one, we were immediately asked to get on a stage by a couple of Chinese guys. We said NO but they literally dragged us up to the stage which is in the middle of the bar in the center of the room (and had POLES!!!!). We kept saying no: “Wo bu yao, wo bu yao, wo bu yao!!” but Nelly got pushed up and then two 115lb Chinese guys SOMEHOW picked me up and put me on the stage. Awesome. Everyone started screaming (because we’re white) and I guess that made our slut magic kick in so we started dancing – like total hookers!!!!!!!!!! …but just for a minute. As soon as we could, we climbed down and RAN out of the room SCREAMING back to the boys.
It turned out that a couple managers of the club followed us back. They talked to Angela -our one Chinese friend that went with us - and told her that if Nelly and I went back to dance, they’d give us free drinks and food (Chinese people order tons of food when they go to clubs) for the rest of the night. Let me think - OK!! So we picked up our stuff and moved to the other room.
So yeah, Nelly and I danced on stage again. It was extra bad because I was wearing a super low-cut dress which is something that Chinese girls NEVER do. They all wear REALLY short skirts where you can literally see their butt cheeks – but they’d never-ever consider wearing anything that’d show off their cleavage (or lack thereof). So yeah, back to dancing: this is something that I’d NEVER do in America (again that is-- Oh my god Maria: I still DIE when I think about that night at Mike’s!!!!!!!!!!!). But we’re in China with Chinese people – so who cares, right?!?!! HA! And we got all the free drinks and stuff that we wanted!
Some other crazy things about the bar:
1) The bouncers were tiny. They weren’t even slightly bigger than the average Chinese guy. So, that means like 120ish lbs.
2) On the dance floor, everyone faces the same direction. It looks like they’re going to start line dancing or something. So, the room is set up with the dance floor at one end and then tons of tables at the other. Everyone dances in lines and all facing the tables. WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3) The DJ played “la cucaracha.” Twice.
4) We saw a Chinese guy who was clearly trashed dancing on the dance floor (facing the tables!!) who would violently dance/jump/thrash his arms around and then just sit down on the ground or lay his head down against one of the speakers or handrails. Then, he’d jump up and do it again. He was like crazed!!!!!!!!! At one point, he climbed up on some speakers and immediately fell off and hit his head on the way down. It was awful (and hilarious)! When he was passed out cold for two minutes, about 12 bouncers came over and stood in a circle around him. As soon as he came to and got up, they just left and he went back to dancing/flinging his body around the dance floor. THEY DIDN’T KICK HIM OUT!!!!! It was awesome.
5) Ummmm, so Chinese people use squat toilets which means that Chinese bathrooms are always jaw-droopingly disgusting. But this one was beyond anything I’ve ever seen. My gag-reflex could barely handle it. I can still feel the stinging in the back of my throat from the smell. It’s haunting. The floors were flooded with pee and there was smashed up poop on the floors of all of the stalls. FML. The pee-splashes had eroded the bottoms of all the stall doors which were almost rusted through. As usual, I screamed “For god’s sake; you’re all uncivilized savages!” in my best British accent. COME ON, how can a country that uses these “toilets” be a world superpower?!?!!?! And was there soap or toilet paper in the bathroom? OF COURSE NOT! Pigs. Luckily, I’ve learned to carry that with me at ALL times – in my bra. God I hate chinaa.
6) I also want to point out another big cultural difference. Unlike AMURICA(!!!!) most people in China think that dance clubs and bars are really, really, really, really, really bad places. A “good girl” in china will never set foot into a club – ever. Our friends have explained to us a zillion times that the girls in bars and clubs are BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD girls. But then again, their definition of “Bad girl” means: 1)being an unmarried non-virgin 2)being a smoker 3)drinking beer
The smoke is crazy. In the club, it looked like there were 10 fog machines on top notch – but there wasn’t. Just Chinese people smoking. Remember how I explained that 100% of Chinese men smoke and 0% of Chinese girls - well I learned that that’s not true. Prostitutes are all smokers and lots of the girls (almost half I’d guess) that go to clubs are smokers. So basically, after spending a few hours in this place, I’m pretty sure I have lung cancer.
Ok, ok, so a group of six of us went out last night to this bar called “V-Mix” which is supposed to be the COOLEST place in Shunde. We got a table and ordered a bucket of beers because that’s what everyone does. After drinking for a little while Nelly and I went to find a bathroom. Amazingly, we didn’t get lost on the way there but we definitely did on the way back. It turned out that this place has like a hundered different rooms. When we walked into the wrong one, we were immediately asked to get on a stage by a couple of Chinese guys. We said NO but they literally dragged us up to the stage which is in the middle of the bar in the center of the room (and had POLES!!!!). We kept saying no: “Wo bu yao, wo bu yao, wo bu yao!!” but Nelly got pushed up and then two 115lb Chinese guys SOMEHOW picked me up and put me on the stage. Awesome. Everyone started screaming (because we’re white) and I guess that made our slut magic kick in so we started dancing – like total hookers!!!!!!!!!! …but just for a minute. As soon as we could, we climbed down and RAN out of the room SCREAMING back to the boys.
It turned out that a couple managers of the club followed us back. They talked to Angela -our one Chinese friend that went with us - and told her that if Nelly and I went back to dance, they’d give us free drinks and food (Chinese people order tons of food when they go to clubs) for the rest of the night. Let me think - OK!! So we picked up our stuff and moved to the other room.
So yeah, Nelly and I danced on stage again. It was extra bad because I was wearing a super low-cut dress which is something that Chinese girls NEVER do. They all wear REALLY short skirts where you can literally see their butt cheeks – but they’d never-ever consider wearing anything that’d show off their cleavage (or lack thereof). So yeah, back to dancing: this is something that I’d NEVER do in America (again that is-- Oh my god Maria: I still DIE when I think about that night at Mike’s!!!!!!!!!!!). But we’re in China with Chinese people – so who cares, right?!?!! HA! And we got all the free drinks and stuff that we wanted!
Some other crazy things about the bar:
1) The bouncers were tiny. They weren’t even slightly bigger than the average Chinese guy. So, that means like 120ish lbs.
2) On the dance floor, everyone faces the same direction. It looks like they’re going to start line dancing or something. So, the room is set up with the dance floor at one end and then tons of tables at the other. Everyone dances in lines and all facing the tables. WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3) The DJ played “la cucaracha.” Twice.
4) We saw a Chinese guy who was clearly trashed dancing on the dance floor (facing the tables!!) who would violently dance/jump/thrash his arms around and then just sit down on the ground or lay his head down against one of the speakers or handrails. Then, he’d jump up and do it again. He was like crazed!!!!!!!!! At one point, he climbed up on some speakers and immediately fell off and hit his head on the way down. It was awful (and hilarious)! When he was passed out cold for two minutes, about 12 bouncers came over and stood in a circle around him. As soon as he came to and got up, they just left and he went back to dancing/flinging his body around the dance floor. THEY DIDN’T KICK HIM OUT!!!!! It was awesome.
5) Ummmm, so Chinese people use squat toilets which means that Chinese bathrooms are always jaw-droopingly disgusting. But this one was beyond anything I’ve ever seen. My gag-reflex could barely handle it. I can still feel the stinging in the back of my throat from the smell. It’s haunting. The floors were flooded with pee and there was smashed up poop on the floors of all of the stalls. FML. The pee-splashes had eroded the bottoms of all the stall doors which were almost rusted through. As usual, I screamed “For god’s sake; you’re all uncivilized savages!” in my best British accent. COME ON, how can a country that uses these “toilets” be a world superpower?!?!!?! And was there soap or toilet paper in the bathroom? OF COURSE NOT! Pigs. Luckily, I’ve learned to carry that with me at ALL times – in my bra. God I hate chinaa.
6) I also want to point out another big cultural difference. Unlike AMURICA(!!!!) most people in China think that dance clubs and bars are really, really, really, really, really bad places. A “good girl” in china will never set foot into a club – ever. Our friends have explained to us a zillion times that the girls in bars and clubs are BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD girls. But then again, their definition of “Bad girl” means: 1)being an unmarried non-virgin 2)being a smoker 3)drinking beer
Apr 16, 2010
They're ALL pukers
There isn't toilet paper or soap in a single public restroom in this country. Restaurants charge you 1-3 yuan if you request a napkin. Grocery stores charge 1 yuan for a plastic bag for your groceries. Nothing is free in China except for one thing: puke bags. And they're everywhere. We've taken the most ghetto, gross buses in the world but even they have 100s of free puke bags in three different places on the bus. Why? It's 100% necessary; Chinese people are pukers – big-time.
I don't know what it is; they're just always throwing up. Of course the bus and bus stops are the worst places but it doesn't stop there. There's rice puke-piles (as we now call them) outside of grocery stores (and in grocery stores), everywhere alongside roads and in most public restrooms.
Why?! I don't think it's the filthy, unsanitary food because I'm eating the same thing and it's not making me puke (anymore). Everyone has Hep here – does that cause puking?? We asked an English speaking chinese guy about all the throwing up and he told us that Chinese women (not men) throw up commonly because they have thinner skin than men which causes the nerve that runs from the top to bottom of their forehead to become misaligned easily and this misalignment causes upset stomachs and throwing up. And, he said western women also have thicker skin than Chinese women so that's why white girls aren’t always throwing up. Yeah. The craziest thing about this is that Brandon got through the whole explanation without busting up laughing.
I don't know what it is; they're just always throwing up. Of course the bus and bus stops are the worst places but it doesn't stop there. There's rice puke-piles (as we now call them) outside of grocery stores (and in grocery stores), everywhere alongside roads and in most public restrooms.
Why?! I don't think it's the filthy, unsanitary food because I'm eating the same thing and it's not making me puke (anymore). Everyone has Hep here – does that cause puking?? We asked an English speaking chinese guy about all the throwing up and he told us that Chinese women (not men) throw up commonly because they have thinner skin than men which causes the nerve that runs from the top to bottom of their forehead to become misaligned easily and this misalignment causes upset stomachs and throwing up. And, he said western women also have thicker skin than Chinese women so that's why white girls aren’t always throwing up. Yeah. The craziest thing about this is that Brandon got through the whole explanation without busting up laughing.
Chinese people and elevators
Americans stereotype Asians as super brainy math nerds, right? Maybe it’s Koreans or the Japanese that are super smart but it’s certainly not the Chinese. I’ve never met such retarded people in my entire life. My favorite stupid thing that all Chinese people do is misuse elevators.
Ok so you’re on the 8th floor of a building and you want to go down to the first floor so you’d press the down button, right? But what if you can see that the elevator is currently on the 3rd floor? You’d OBVIOUSLY still press the down button. …but not if you’re Chinese. Your average Chinese people seems to ALL think that you need to press the UP button to get the elevator to “come up to you.” I’m not kidding. So here’s what CONSTANTLY happens: I’ll get into our apartment building’s elevator on the 1st floor (I live on the 24th floor) and on my way up, the elevator will stop a million freaking times on every floor that a retarded Chinese person pressed the up button even though they clearly wanted to go down. But since they could see that the elevator was below them, they pressed the up button. So, the elevator will stop on the 3rd floor and a Chinese person will get in (while simultaneously holding a crying baby, some beer and a lit cigarette) and after a minute they’ll realize that the elevator is going up. So, of course, they’ll press buttons until the elevator stops and lets them off on the 6th floor or whatever. Then, on the 15th floor the same thing will F’ING happen with another retarded person. Basically, it’s faster to take the stairs to the 24th floor rather than deal with all the retardedness.
The other thing that really bothers us – Chinese people ALWAYS shove their way into an elevator before they’ll let you get out. It drives us crazy. Oh and then there’s the smoking. Soooo many times I’ve had to get out of an elevator too early just to escape the smoke. How is it ok to puff away in a 10’x5’x5’metal box?!
Ok so you’re on the 8th floor of a building and you want to go down to the first floor so you’d press the down button, right? But what if you can see that the elevator is currently on the 3rd floor? You’d OBVIOUSLY still press the down button. …but not if you’re Chinese. Your average Chinese people seems to ALL think that you need to press the UP button to get the elevator to “come up to you.” I’m not kidding. So here’s what CONSTANTLY happens: I’ll get into our apartment building’s elevator on the 1st floor (I live on the 24th floor) and on my way up, the elevator will stop a million freaking times on every floor that a retarded Chinese person pressed the up button even though they clearly wanted to go down. But since they could see that the elevator was below them, they pressed the up button. So, the elevator will stop on the 3rd floor and a Chinese person will get in (while simultaneously holding a crying baby, some beer and a lit cigarette) and after a minute they’ll realize that the elevator is going up. So, of course, they’ll press buttons until the elevator stops and lets them off on the 6th floor or whatever. Then, on the 15th floor the same thing will F’ING happen with another retarded person. Basically, it’s faster to take the stairs to the 24th floor rather than deal with all the retardedness.
The other thing that really bothers us – Chinese people ALWAYS shove their way into an elevator before they’ll let you get out. It drives us crazy. Oh and then there’s the smoking. Soooo many times I’ve had to get out of an elevator too early just to escape the smoke. How is it ok to puff away in a 10’x5’x5’metal box?!
She aint nothing but a gold digger
“He’s very ugly but he’s rich. –Margaret (one of our TAs)
Chinese girls are really, really open about marrying for money rather than love. In fact, it seems like they think it’s something to be proud of. I’ve tried explaining a few times about how it’s embarrassing to be a gold digger in America and how 20 year old girls pretend to be in love with their 60 year old boyfriends rather than admit that they’re in it for the presents and money.
Sarah: “why would they lie? There’s nothing wrong with wanting a nice house and expensive clothes.”
Mariel: “because it’s embarrassing! Everyone would think that you’re greedy and a bad person!
Sarah: “WHY?!”
Chinese girls are really, really open about marrying for money rather than love. In fact, it seems like they think it’s something to be proud of. I’ve tried explaining a few times about how it’s embarrassing to be a gold digger in America and how 20 year old girls pretend to be in love with their 60 year old boyfriends rather than admit that they’re in it for the presents and money.
Sarah: “why would they lie? There’s nothing wrong with wanting a nice house and expensive clothes.”
Mariel: “because it’s embarrassing! Everyone would think that you’re greedy and a bad person!
Sarah: “WHY?!”
Stair flowers!
Our old gym in Nanhai got shut down!!!! Either the building was condemned (I don’t know if they do that in China but in America, that building would DEFINITELY be knocked down) or it was too shitty for even Chinese people and it was shut down. This gym was PATHETIC and super dirty. It had no cardio equipment other than some half busted tredmills and all the free weights were covered in this black tar stuff that took forever to scrub off your hands. PLUS, it was only open from 9am-11am and 2pm-8pm and it was closed on one or two random days every week. #%!*$@& Chinese businesses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!
So the stairs – this is how I mainly exercise now. Both places we’ve lived in have been in 24-story buildings so every morning (ok, almost every morning) I go up the stairs four times. I know, I’m awesome!! The only cool thing about doing this is that I always find flowers!!! Ok, so Chinese almost all live in 20+ story apartment buildings and they dump all of their trash in the stairwells (yeah, I know) and for whatever reason, Chinese girls get a lot ( A LOT) of flowers which they seem to throw away while they’re still fresh. So, literally every day I see bouquets of flowers in the stairwells and if the flowers are pretty, I collect them. Most bouquets in china are covered with glitter (same as their clothes, makeup, and cell phones) so I don’t take those flowers but sometimes I find un-glittered roses, lilies, gerber daisies and orchids. It’s awesome!!! Brandon said that on my birthday he’s going to climb the stairs before I do so that he can get me flowers – so romantic!
So the stairs – this is how I mainly exercise now. Both places we’ve lived in have been in 24-story buildings so every morning (ok, almost every morning) I go up the stairs four times. I know, I’m awesome!! The only cool thing about doing this is that I always find flowers!!! Ok, so Chinese almost all live in 20+ story apartment buildings and they dump all of their trash in the stairwells (yeah, I know) and for whatever reason, Chinese girls get a lot ( A LOT) of flowers which they seem to throw away while they’re still fresh. So, literally every day I see bouquets of flowers in the stairwells and if the flowers are pretty, I collect them. Most bouquets in china are covered with glitter (same as their clothes, makeup, and cell phones) so I don’t take those flowers but sometimes I find un-glittered roses, lilies, gerber daisies and orchids. It’s awesome!!! Brandon said that on my birthday he’s going to climb the stairs before I do so that he can get me flowers – so romantic!
Saying inappropriate things in public - my fav thing about China
Yeah, all Chinese people have had 12 years (or more) of English classes from the public schools but seriously NO ONE speaks English. Other than our school’s employees, we pretty much NEVER meet anyone that can muster anything other than “hallo” “haw ah youuuu?” “you ahhh beautiful” and MAYBE numbers 1-5. The one great thing about this is that we get to have incredibly inappropriate conversations in public places. You wouldn’t believe how fun it is for Nelly and me to loudly discuss sex stories while two old ladies are sitting between us on a packed bus. The only real problem about doing this is that we’ve gotten waaaaaaaay to used to doing it and I’m sure when we’re back in America we’re going to slip up A LOT. Like in Hong Kong – EVERYONE speaks excellent English there (because it’s not really china) and there are loads of foreigners but we still always forget and end up embarrassing ourselves.
Nelly: Ryan is so hot!! I would TOTALLY swallow his cum!
Josh: we’ve been together for two years and you won’t even give me head!
Nelly: I TOLD YOU! Shave your ball afro and I will!
Mariel: He still doesn’t?! you’re such an inconsiderate jerk – she shaves everything for you!
Nelly: You should see his bush – it’s huge! Like enormous. I sweartogod his ball hair is four inches long!
Mariel: Oh. My. God. I didn’t know that ball hair could get that long!! GROSS!
At this very moment I looked over and two white guys were standing three feet away and laughing at us.
_____________
On a bus:
Josh: Condoms make your dick so gross! Have you ever given a guy head after he blew a load in a condom?
Mariel: No!
Nelly: have you?!
Josh: NO! Well, I don’t know if it smells as bad as it tastes but….
Mariel, Brandon, Nelly: HAAAAAHHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
Nelly: Ryan is so hot!! I would TOTALLY swallow his cum!
Josh: we’ve been together for two years and you won’t even give me head!
Nelly: I TOLD YOU! Shave your ball afro and I will!
Mariel: He still doesn’t?! you’re such an inconsiderate jerk – she shaves everything for you!
Nelly: You should see his bush – it’s huge! Like enormous. I sweartogod his ball hair is four inches long!
Mariel: Oh. My. God. I didn’t know that ball hair could get that long!! GROSS!
At this very moment I looked over and two white guys were standing three feet away and laughing at us.
_____________
On a bus:
Josh: Condoms make your dick so gross! Have you ever given a guy head after he blew a load in a condom?
Mariel: No!
Nelly: have you?!
Josh: NO! Well, I don’t know if it smells as bad as it tastes but….
Mariel, Brandon, Nelly: HAAAAAHHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
Riding in buses with Chinese People
Ummmmm, riding in a Chinese bus is worse than what I imagine waterboarding must be like.
Most Chinese people don’t bathe everyday and NONE of them wash their clothes often enough or wear deodorant which makes the buss’s air almost unbearable on a hot day. It smells like urine, BO and rotting balls.
Chinese busses have 10 single seats in the front and 12 double seats in the back. Even though there are 12 seats in the back, you pretty much NEVER see more than 6 people sitting. Even on super crowded busses where there are 25 people crammed in and standing, NO ONE that has one of those double seats will let someone sit next to them. They always put their bag or jacket on the seat next to them and refuse to move it. WHY?!?!?!
Have I mentioned how Chinese people speak (I mean yell) on their phones? Ok, so picture ten Chinese people (definitely including the driver) screaming into their phones at all times on a bus.
Almost all Chinese busses have radios. The bus wont have shocks or well functioning breaks, but it’ll have a radio AND loud ass speakers. Do you know what Chinese pop music sounds like? Like I said: waterboarding.
We’ve stopped offering our seats to old people and pregnant women. No one else does it and the person never accepts it anyway.
Babies. Peeing on the floor. On the bus. Everywhere.
And then there’s the constant Puking. But that’s everywhere in China.
Bus drivers drive me crazy. They’re always on their phone and driving super erratically (probably part of the reason why there’s always so many pukers on the bus). They also pull over to take breaks or buy lottery tickets and cigarettes whenever they feel like it too.
There is one thing about Chinese busses that I LOVE. When someone gets out of their seat to leave, a person that wants to sit down will stand near the empty seat and every ten seconds or so they will touch the seat with their hand (GROSS) and after a minute or so, they’ll sit down. I asked my friends why Chinese people always do this and it’s because they think that if they sit in a warm seat, they’ll get a disease so they have to wait until the seat has cooled off. Yeah, really. Seriously 100% of people believe this. The great thing about this is that it’s really easy to steal open seats. Nelly and I love to shove past the waiting crazy person (shoving is totally ok in china) and just sit down. No one has ever said anything to us because they think we didn’t know that they were just waiting for the diseases to disappear AND they don’t speak any English anyway. It’s awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most Chinese people don’t bathe everyday and NONE of them wash their clothes often enough or wear deodorant which makes the buss’s air almost unbearable on a hot day. It smells like urine, BO and rotting balls.
Chinese busses have 10 single seats in the front and 12 double seats in the back. Even though there are 12 seats in the back, you pretty much NEVER see more than 6 people sitting. Even on super crowded busses where there are 25 people crammed in and standing, NO ONE that has one of those double seats will let someone sit next to them. They always put their bag or jacket on the seat next to them and refuse to move it. WHY?!?!?!
Have I mentioned how Chinese people speak (I mean yell) on their phones? Ok, so picture ten Chinese people (definitely including the driver) screaming into their phones at all times on a bus.
Almost all Chinese busses have radios. The bus wont have shocks or well functioning breaks, but it’ll have a radio AND loud ass speakers. Do you know what Chinese pop music sounds like? Like I said: waterboarding.
We’ve stopped offering our seats to old people and pregnant women. No one else does it and the person never accepts it anyway.
Babies. Peeing on the floor. On the bus. Everywhere.
And then there’s the constant Puking. But that’s everywhere in China.
Bus drivers drive me crazy. They’re always on their phone and driving super erratically (probably part of the reason why there’s always so many pukers on the bus). They also pull over to take breaks or buy lottery tickets and cigarettes whenever they feel like it too.
There is one thing about Chinese busses that I LOVE. When someone gets out of their seat to leave, a person that wants to sit down will stand near the empty seat and every ten seconds or so they will touch the seat with their hand (GROSS) and after a minute or so, they’ll sit down. I asked my friends why Chinese people always do this and it’s because they think that if they sit in a warm seat, they’ll get a disease so they have to wait until the seat has cooled off. Yeah, really. Seriously 100% of people believe this. The great thing about this is that it’s really easy to steal open seats. Nelly and I love to shove past the waiting crazy person (shoving is totally ok in china) and just sit down. No one has ever said anything to us because they think we didn’t know that they were just waiting for the diseases to disappear AND they don’t speak any English anyway. It’s awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Feb 17, 2010
Hilarious Chinese movie experience
We went to see Avatar (shown with Chinese subtitles) but I don’t remember anything about the movie. All I can remember is the noise.
“HWAY?! HWAY?! HWAAAAAAYYYYY?!!?!?!” I think that EVERY person in the theater must have gotten at least 319 phone calls (which they answered) during the movie. And then the babies – dear god. I’m wondering if you get a discount if you bring a crying baby with you into a theater because EVERYONE HAD ONE. Seriously, like everyone. I’ll be sure to bring one next time. “Hey ChingChangTongPing, can I borrow your screaming baby for a couple hours? I’m going to see a movie!”
Of couse all the men smelled like BO terribly and were chain smoking in the theater too.. Awesome. And each person apparently needed 10 bathroom visits. There was actually a huge restroom in the back of the movie theater!!! Which also meant that every time someone opened the door, the bright light messed up the movie.
So while taking care of their babies, reading their Chinese subtitles outloud, smoking, taking bathroom breaks and talking on their phone, people were SOMEHOW paying attention to the movie. I know this because of how the theater erupted with laughter several times during the movie. What were those parts? AVATAR SPOILER ALERT!! Lets see… when the bombs were going off and the tree was falling on people, when Sigourney Weaver died and during the kissing scene. What the f?!?!
“HWAY?! HWAY?! HWAAAAAAYYYYY?!!?!?!” I think that EVERY person in the theater must have gotten at least 319 phone calls (which they answered) during the movie. And then the babies – dear god. I’m wondering if you get a discount if you bring a crying baby with you into a theater because EVERYONE HAD ONE. Seriously, like everyone. I’ll be sure to bring one next time. “Hey ChingChangTongPing, can I borrow your screaming baby for a couple hours? I’m going to see a movie!”
Of couse all the men smelled like BO terribly and were chain smoking in the theater too.. Awesome. And each person apparently needed 10 bathroom visits. There was actually a huge restroom in the back of the movie theater!!! Which also meant that every time someone opened the door, the bright light messed up the movie.
So while taking care of their babies, reading their Chinese subtitles outloud, smoking, taking bathroom breaks and talking on their phone, people were SOMEHOW paying attention to the movie. I know this because of how the theater erupted with laughter several times during the movie. What were those parts? AVATAR SPOILER ALERT!! Lets see… when the bombs were going off and the tree was falling on people, when Sigourney Weaver died and during the kissing scene. What the f?!?!
Brittany would be a model parent in China
They only get to have one kid so you’d think they’d take care of it, right?
I’ve seen mothers feeding peanuts to their babies SO MANY TIMES. Never mind the terrible choking hazard, aren’t you supposed to wait until your child is a few years old to expose them to peanuts because of the deadly allergy possibility?!
Parents let their babies crawl around on the sidewalks in china. We constantly see them eating gross food off the street right in front of their parents. THIS IS WHY THEY ALL HAVE STEAL STOMACHS (and Hep A). If I was to eat something off a street in china, I’d die. No question.
We once saw a baby toddling onto an escalator. If Brandon hadn’t grabbed it, it definitely would have lost its little fingers.
When you’re holding a baby, you support their neck and hold their head, right? They’ve never heard of such a concept here and EVERYDAY we see babies with their little heads snapped all the way back or flopping from side to side and back and forth on a bus. It’s excruciating to watch.
Even super rich people don’t put their kids in car seats. They hold them while driving (while they smoke with the windows up).
Our students wear the exact same clothes to school every day. According to our TAs, our students are all rich kids whose parents can afford our school’s high prices. So why can’t they afford more than one ratty outfit for their kids?
I’d say that at least 1/5 of our students are dropped off for their classes at our school more than an hour early and are picked up at least an hour late. These poor kids live at a boarding school five days a week so they only get to be with their parents two f’ing days a week. So why the hell would you leave your kid at their Chinese lessons for longer than necessary?!?!?! Some of the kids are dripped off like three hours early AND picked up late!
I’ve seen mothers feeding peanuts to their babies SO MANY TIMES. Never mind the terrible choking hazard, aren’t you supposed to wait until your child is a few years old to expose them to peanuts because of the deadly allergy possibility?!
Parents let their babies crawl around on the sidewalks in china. We constantly see them eating gross food off the street right in front of their parents. THIS IS WHY THEY ALL HAVE STEAL STOMACHS (and Hep A). If I was to eat something off a street in china, I’d die. No question.
We once saw a baby toddling onto an escalator. If Brandon hadn’t grabbed it, it definitely would have lost its little fingers.
When you’re holding a baby, you support their neck and hold their head, right? They’ve never heard of such a concept here and EVERYDAY we see babies with their little heads snapped all the way back or flopping from side to side and back and forth on a bus. It’s excruciating to watch.
Even super rich people don’t put their kids in car seats. They hold them while driving (while they smoke with the windows up).
Our students wear the exact same clothes to school every day. According to our TAs, our students are all rich kids whose parents can afford our school’s high prices. So why can’t they afford more than one ratty outfit for their kids?
I’d say that at least 1/5 of our students are dropped off for their classes at our school more than an hour early and are picked up at least an hour late. These poor kids live at a boarding school five days a week so they only get to be with their parents two f’ing days a week. So why the hell would you leave your kid at their Chinese lessons for longer than necessary?!?!?! Some of the kids are dripped off like three hours early AND picked up late!
List of crazy stuff our Chinese friends say:
Melon (our favorite Chinese friend) was trying to say “SERVES HER RIGHT” but instead, she she announced “SERVICE HER RIGHT!!”
According to our Chinese friends, having sex makes a girl’s nipples turn brown. Apparently all virgins have pink nipples and “all married girls have brown nipples.” I guess this explains why there are nipple bleaching creams sold everywhere.
“what do you take me for? A foolish?” “Why do you treat me like a foolish?” –Melon
“BJ, BJ, BJ!!!!” Melon, our tiny, sweet, innocent friend started yelling “BJ!!!” over and over again on crowded street. We stopped from laughing long enough to ask her what she ment and she said that “BJ” meant “Bad Josh” and she was saying it because Josh was being mean to her.
Brandon, Nelly, Josh and I were stuffed into the back of a taxi and were FREAKING OUT because our driver had been driving THE WRONG WAY down a one-way highway for about six miles. The driver was swerving like crazy as we played chicken over and over again with semi trucks.
Melon: “Why you guys scared? He’s a good driver!”
Josh: “Yeah, he’s honking his horn and flashing his brights so there’s nothing to worry about”
Melon: “That’s right!”
Nelly and I were trying to think of pretty English names for my TA’s baby niece.. We came up with Emily, Cloe, Sarah, and Cassie when Margaret (our most retarded Chinese TA) butts in and says “Those aren’t real English names!!” Uhhhhhh, Nelly maybe a Russian and I may be a jew but I’m pretty sure we know what engish names are. I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP….
Margaret: “How about TeePee?”
Mariel/Nelly: “WHAT?!”
Margaret: Like the letters: T P. It’s very beautiful girl name
Mariel/Nelly: TP, as in Toilet paper?! That’s what we call Toilet paper!!!
Margaret: “No it’s not!! Ok, well how about Doodoo or Kiki?
Mariel/Nelly: Oh my god!
Margaret: Or GoGo
Mariel: A GoGo is a place where you go to see naked dancers
Margaret: No it’s not!!! Ok, how about Apple? I think that’s the most beautiful English name
Mariel: That’s the name of a fruit, not a person’s name!! Would it be ok if my Chinese name was ShungGeow (Chinese for Banana)??
Margaret: That would be ridiculous. Seriously, Apple is a really good English name!!!!!!!!!!!!
According to our Chinese friends, having sex makes a girl’s nipples turn brown. Apparently all virgins have pink nipples and “all married girls have brown nipples.” I guess this explains why there are nipple bleaching creams sold everywhere.
“what do you take me for? A foolish?” “Why do you treat me like a foolish?” –Melon
“BJ, BJ, BJ!!!!” Melon, our tiny, sweet, innocent friend started yelling “BJ!!!” over and over again on crowded street. We stopped from laughing long enough to ask her what she ment and she said that “BJ” meant “Bad Josh” and she was saying it because Josh was being mean to her.
Brandon, Nelly, Josh and I were stuffed into the back of a taxi and were FREAKING OUT because our driver had been driving THE WRONG WAY down a one-way highway for about six miles. The driver was swerving like crazy as we played chicken over and over again with semi trucks.
Melon: “Why you guys scared? He’s a good driver!”
Josh: “Yeah, he’s honking his horn and flashing his brights so there’s nothing to worry about”
Melon: “That’s right!”
Nelly and I were trying to think of pretty English names for my TA’s baby niece.. We came up with Emily, Cloe, Sarah, and Cassie when Margaret (our most retarded Chinese TA) butts in and says “Those aren’t real English names!!” Uhhhhhh, Nelly maybe a Russian and I may be a jew but I’m pretty sure we know what engish names are. I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP….
Margaret: “How about TeePee?”
Mariel/Nelly: “WHAT?!”
Margaret: Like the letters: T P. It’s very beautiful girl name
Mariel/Nelly: TP, as in Toilet paper?! That’s what we call Toilet paper!!!
Margaret: “No it’s not!! Ok, well how about Doodoo or Kiki?
Mariel/Nelly: Oh my god!
Margaret: Or GoGo
Mariel: A GoGo is a place where you go to see naked dancers
Margaret: No it’s not!!! Ok, how about Apple? I think that’s the most beautiful English name
Mariel: That’s the name of a fruit, not a person’s name!! Would it be ok if my Chinese name was ShungGeow (Chinese for Banana)??
Margaret: That would be ridiculous. Seriously, Apple is a really good English name!!!!!!!!!!!!
Josh is a Jerk II
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” – Mark Twain
As a result of my August post about Josh, I’m immensely proud to say that I’ve created quite a large “I hate Josh fanclub.” Unfortunately, my original intention for writing that entry still hasn’t been fulfilled: his parent’s haven’t read it yet!!! ….But I guess I don’t blame them for not loving him enough to read about how he’s doing.
EVEN if his parents don’t read this, I thought I’d catch up on just a few of his latest stories:
At school Josh told a bunch of kids that my name is rosie o’donnel and then had them call me that.
I’ve been trying to think of a fake name that I can use (for private tutoring which is against my contract) and I chose Lily. I had to choose a last name and Josh was nice enough to suggest Lily FattyMcFaterson.
Josh still nickel & dimes Nelly NON STOP! He even has started charging her for orgasms. Just the other day nelly had to buy josh breadsticks and ice cream to pay him back for two and a half.
Nelly bought some Chinese skinny-jeans that are nearly as thin as nylons and definitely as tight...
Josh: “You look like a hooker in those pants! They make your butt look like a planet or at least a large moon.” (Nelly is like a size 1)
Teresa: Are you talking about Nelly or Mariel?
Josh: HAAAAAA!!!!!!!! If I was talking about Mariel I definitely wouldn’t say large moon! I would say THE SUN!
Josh: “this is the widest door frame I’ve ever seen!! Mariel, even your butt can squeeze though!”
I learned that “Xiao JewJew” (which translates to “little piggy”) is a pet name that you’d call a Chinese girlfriend. When I heard that, I said that I wanted my new Chinese name to be Xiao JewJew. Of course, Josh said: “uhhhhh, you mean Da JewJew?” which means “big piggy.”
A few days later, five of us were in the back of a taxi and josh said: “It wouldn’t be so cramped if Da JewJew wasn’t taking up half of the seat.
Josh: “If Lisa had a big set of tits on her, I’d have sex with her. And if she said no, I’d rape her. Yeah – put that in your blog. I’d rape her.”
As a result of my August post about Josh, I’m immensely proud to say that I’ve created quite a large “I hate Josh fanclub.” Unfortunately, my original intention for writing that entry still hasn’t been fulfilled: his parent’s haven’t read it yet!!! ….But I guess I don’t blame them for not loving him enough to read about how he’s doing.
EVEN if his parents don’t read this, I thought I’d catch up on just a few of his latest stories:
At school Josh told a bunch of kids that my name is rosie o’donnel and then had them call me that.
I’ve been trying to think of a fake name that I can use (for private tutoring which is against my contract) and I chose Lily. I had to choose a last name and Josh was nice enough to suggest Lily FattyMcFaterson.
Josh still nickel & dimes Nelly NON STOP! He even has started charging her for orgasms. Just the other day nelly had to buy josh breadsticks and ice cream to pay him back for two and a half.
Nelly bought some Chinese skinny-jeans that are nearly as thin as nylons and definitely as tight...
Josh: “You look like a hooker in those pants! They make your butt look like a planet or at least a large moon.” (Nelly is like a size 1)
Teresa: Are you talking about Nelly or Mariel?
Josh: HAAAAAA!!!!!!!! If I was talking about Mariel I definitely wouldn’t say large moon! I would say THE SUN!
Josh: “this is the widest door frame I’ve ever seen!! Mariel, even your butt can squeeze though!”
I learned that “Xiao JewJew” (which translates to “little piggy”) is a pet name that you’d call a Chinese girlfriend. When I heard that, I said that I wanted my new Chinese name to be Xiao JewJew. Of course, Josh said: “uhhhhh, you mean Da JewJew?” which means “big piggy.”
A few days later, five of us were in the back of a taxi and josh said: “It wouldn’t be so cramped if Da JewJew wasn’t taking up half of the seat.
Josh: “If Lisa had a big set of tits on her, I’d have sex with her. And if she said no, I’d rape her. Yeah – put that in your blog. I’d rape her.”
Home again, home again
I went home to America for two weeks: the fastest two weeks of my life. I was totally in a daze as I went through American culture shock, visited my wonderful friends, ate LOADS of awesome food and soaked up weiner dog kisses. I’m still nostalgic about the whole trip!
So, when I went home I had only been out of the country for eight months but it really felt more like three years. Everything was freaking me out: the giant herds of WHITE people, blue sky, girls smoking cigarettes, blonde hair, smooth roads, sane driving, wheelchair access ramps, drinkable tap water, refrigerators that are bigger than 2 ½’ x 2’ – I haven’t seen any of these things FOR SO LONG! And more noticeable than anything… EVERYTHING IN AMERICA IS SO CLEAN! I could go on and on and on. It’s shocking how literally every aspect of life is different in America vs China.
Things that I now FULLY APPRECIATE about America:
American men are staggeringly gorgeous. They’re three times the size of a Chinese guy, they brush their teeth, they don’t all smoke, they clip their nails, they wear deodorant, they know how to drive and they don’t have mullets
You can trust the things you buy to actually be what’s advertised. If you buy a six pack of Corona in China, it’s not going to be corona. It’ll be some nasty, Chinese rubbing alcohol in yellow water. The packaging will be real (they “recycled” the bottles) but the beer wont be real. Fakes are even sold at the the big grocery chains like Walmart here.
America has Mexican food, Italian food, Chinese food, Indian Food, American food, we have everything. In China, there’s Chinese food and then there’s Chinese food and then there’s McDonalds. That’s all you get.
No smoking in restaurants/elevators/bars
Most Americans know better than to blindly and unconditionally love and admire the government
And uhhhhhhhhhh…. HUMAN RIGHTS
Seriously, I love America so much now!! When I come back to America, I think I’m going to start driving a massive F350 covered with “GOD BLESS AMERICA” and “These colors don’t run” stickers. Maybe I’ll buy a gun and Sarah Palin’s book too!
So, when I went home I had only been out of the country for eight months but it really felt more like three years. Everything was freaking me out: the giant herds of WHITE people, blue sky, girls smoking cigarettes, blonde hair, smooth roads, sane driving, wheelchair access ramps, drinkable tap water, refrigerators that are bigger than 2 ½’ x 2’ – I haven’t seen any of these things FOR SO LONG! And more noticeable than anything… EVERYTHING IN AMERICA IS SO CLEAN! I could go on and on and on. It’s shocking how literally every aspect of life is different in America vs China.
Things that I now FULLY APPRECIATE about America:
American men are staggeringly gorgeous. They’re three times the size of a Chinese guy, they brush their teeth, they don’t all smoke, they clip their nails, they wear deodorant, they know how to drive and they don’t have mullets
You can trust the things you buy to actually be what’s advertised. If you buy a six pack of Corona in China, it’s not going to be corona. It’ll be some nasty, Chinese rubbing alcohol in yellow water. The packaging will be real (they “recycled” the bottles) but the beer wont be real. Fakes are even sold at the the big grocery chains like Walmart here.
America has Mexican food, Italian food, Chinese food, Indian Food, American food, we have everything. In China, there’s Chinese food and then there’s Chinese food and then there’s McDonalds. That’s all you get.
No smoking in restaurants/elevators/bars
Most Americans know better than to blindly and unconditionally love and admire the government
And uhhhhhhhhhh…. HUMAN RIGHTS
Seriously, I love America so much now!! When I come back to America, I think I’m going to start driving a massive F350 covered with “GOD BLESS AMERICA” and “These colors don’t run” stickers. Maybe I’ll buy a gun and Sarah Palin’s book too!
Dec 18, 2009
Here’s the thing about China....
There are no traffic laws. None. At. All.
While in a crowded restaurant, men have to smoke before, during and after their meal. They also smoke in crowded elevators and in hospital waiting rooms
Corn is in everything….. icecream, on pizza, in hamburgers
Everyone picks their nose in public. Men spit in public. Everywhere. And it’s not rude at all.
They spit on the floor of restaurants and on the buses.
Chinese drivers honk their horn CONSTANTLY. You can’t be near a street without hearing the constant sound of honking.
Guys grow their fingernails as long as possible.
Chinese people do a lot of home improvement projects in the middle of the night. Nearly every single day we’re woken up by hammering, drilling and jack hammering that lasts for an hour. It usually happens around 1:00am or 6:00/7:00am.
All the Chinese people that we know HAVE TO eat breakfast immediately after they wake up, lunch at exactly noon and dinner at exactly 5:00.
Chinese children pee and poop everywhere. They just squat down. ..on the bus, in the grocery store, everywhere outside – it’s crazy
If you ask a Chinese person about SARS, they’ll tell you that it’s the foreigners’ faults
Chinese fashion is a constant source of entertainment. It’s beyond Tacky. Girls AND GUYS love cloths that are covered in a combination of sequins, rhinestones, giant bows and glued-on stuffed animals. Girls wear super, super, super short skirts but NEVER show even a tiny bit of cleavage. I see butt cheeks (covered in granny panties) every day but I’ve never seen a skin below a girl’s neck. Girls also like wearing socks OVER their panty hose while wearing high heals. And guys always wear white socks with their black/blue suits. At the beach, women wear giant, saggy, one piece swimsuites from the 1940's while men wear tight speedos
The pollution is way worse than you're imagining. I have black buggers every day (which I do pick and show to brandon). It's so bad that we have to hang our laundry inside (no dryers) rather than outside because after 12 hours of hanging outside, it's dirtier than before it was washed!!
While in a crowded restaurant, men have to smoke before, during and after their meal. They also smoke in crowded elevators and in hospital waiting rooms
Corn is in everything….. icecream, on pizza, in hamburgers
Everyone picks their nose in public. Men spit in public. Everywhere. And it’s not rude at all.
They spit on the floor of restaurants and on the buses.
Chinese drivers honk their horn CONSTANTLY. You can’t be near a street without hearing the constant sound of honking.
Guys grow their fingernails as long as possible.
Chinese people do a lot of home improvement projects in the middle of the night. Nearly every single day we’re woken up by hammering, drilling and jack hammering that lasts for an hour. It usually happens around 1:00am or 6:00/7:00am.
All the Chinese people that we know HAVE TO eat breakfast immediately after they wake up, lunch at exactly noon and dinner at exactly 5:00.
Chinese children pee and poop everywhere. They just squat down. ..on the bus, in the grocery store, everywhere outside – it’s crazy
If you ask a Chinese person about SARS, they’ll tell you that it’s the foreigners’ faults
Chinese fashion is a constant source of entertainment. It’s beyond Tacky. Girls AND GUYS love cloths that are covered in a combination of sequins, rhinestones, giant bows and glued-on stuffed animals. Girls wear super, super, super short skirts but NEVER show even a tiny bit of cleavage. I see butt cheeks (covered in granny panties) every day but I’ve never seen a skin below a girl’s neck. Girls also like wearing socks OVER their panty hose while wearing high heals. And guys always wear white socks with their black/blue suits. At the beach, women wear giant, saggy, one piece swimsuites from the 1940's while men wear tight speedos
The pollution is way worse than you're imagining. I have black buggers every day (which I do pick and show to brandon). It's so bad that we have to hang our laundry inside (no dryers) rather than outside because after 12 hours of hanging outside, it's dirtier than before it was washed!!
Dec 17, 2009
Top 10 reasons why I’d rather die than be a Chinese girl:
Let me start by saying that I truely love all my Chinese friends DEARLY (but I would still rather die than be them)
1) When Chinese girls are on their periods, (and for a few days after), they can’t wash their hair. Yeah. “If you EVER wash your hair during that WEEK, you will get migraine headaches (or cancer) after you turn 50 years old.” One of the girls at work told us this – we checked with all the other girls and some students and it’s TRUE. They’re so on crack. So, WHY DO THEY BELIEVE THIS?!?! Apparently, “EVERY doctor will tell you that it’s true.”
2) Chinese girls are all “waiting for marriage.”
I work with six girls that are not married. They’re all between the ages of 21 and 35 and yeah, they’re all virgins. And they’re not like America’s dirty, slutty “virgins.” Only two of them have ever even kissed a boy.
Boys on the other hand, are expected to do it before marriage. The girls at my school tell me that boys go to see prostitutes all the time before they’re married (and during, but I’ll get to that later) and it’s “not that bad.”
3) If you don’t get pregnant by the time you’re 30 years old, you’re going to get cancer.
I told you; Chinese doctors are on crack.
4) In my opinion, Chinese girls are generally really, really pretty. They’re all super skinny (Ivy: “only BAD girls weigh more than 50K (110 lbs)”) and have really lovely dark eyes and perfect skin. And, they’re SUPER SWEET. They’re all like perfect catholic school girls, but better…….Which is why IT’S NOT FAIR THAT THEY HAVE TO MARRY SUCH NASTY GUYS!! I’m sorry, but I think I’d rather die than marry a Chinese boy. Why:
Chinese men think it’s cool and lucky to grow really, really long fingernails. Have you seen the last X-Men movie with Sabertooth? …that’s what guys’ nails look like. Yellow/brown, crusty, gross
Moles: they’re cool. Hairy moles: even cooler. Men are super proud of their moles and always have three inch long hairs coming out of them. And then they play with their mole-hair with their nasty fingernails.
They ALL smoke. Ok, technically only 75-85% but it seems like 99%. And they smoke indoors, especially in homes. In China, smoking is good for your health (doctors on crack) and second hand smoke, although “unpleasant” does not hurt anyone. So, that means that men smoke while in bed and in rooms without ventilation while holding their baby.
Due to the smoking, they all have gross yellow teeth. Their teeth are going to be gross anyway (braces, although affordable, are not important and most people don’t brush their teeth) but the smoking makes them soooo much grosser.
They cheat. They all cheat on their wives – I’ll explain why it’s “OK” later.
Chinese men expect oral sex but they don’t “return the favor.” The one married girl at our school told us that her husband has never gone down on her because he says that her “Virginia (yeah, like the state) smells bad.” We told her to buy soap for the first time in her life.
I’m sorry, but they’re ugly. They’re all 5’2” and are gangly-skinny but also somehow flabby at the same time. But now I’m just being mean! HAHAHAAA!!!
5) The biggest reason why I’d rather die than be a Chinese girl: THEY DON’T WEAR TAMPONS. Pads. Only pads. I can’t even tell you how gross Nelly and I think this is.
…what we’re imagining… it’s 95 degrees/90% humidity (because that’s normal in our city) and you’re super sweaty. You have a bush the size of a dinner plate (GIRLS IN CHINA DON’T SHAVE) and you’re on your period. Extreme heat plus hairiest vaginas on the planet plus blood
6) When a Chinese girl finds out that she’s pregnant, she and her husband need to stop having “man-love” (man love is what they call sex) for ONE YEAR. If they have sex even once during the pregnancy, the baby will be in danger.
Nelly spent an hour showing the girls information online showing that it’s safe to have sex THE ENTIRE nine months but the girls don’t believe it. They tell us that we can “ask any doctor in the country.” Crack.
7) So, since a pregnant woman can’t have sex for a full year, it’s totally ok for men to see prostitutes for that year. I’m not kidding. The girls think its ok.
8) Only “bad girls” drink alcohol, which means that girls never, ever drink. Tragic
9) Chinese girls don’t shave anything. A FEW shave their legs but NONE OF THEM shave their armpits or their v’s. We obviously knew about the hairy legs/arm pits because we see them EVERYDAY but once Nelly and I once walked into a gym locker room after an aerobics class ended and – well, ….we’ll never look at a Chinese girl the same EVER AGAIN. We didn’t know a bush could be so big…. they’re like afros…. And their nipples – oh my god. Did you know that Chinese girls’ nipples are an inch long?!?! They could poke an eye out. I had NO IDEA. Anyways, we ran out, hugged and cried and cried and cried
10) Chinese girls don’t usually drive cars (but this is actually a good thing because we all know the stereotype) . All of the girls that we work with have never driven a car and are sure that they never will. Their dads and future husbands will drive them anywhere they need to go. Dependency is fun.
1) When Chinese girls are on their periods, (and for a few days after), they can’t wash their hair. Yeah. “If you EVER wash your hair during that WEEK, you will get migraine headaches (or cancer) after you turn 50 years old.” One of the girls at work told us this – we checked with all the other girls and some students and it’s TRUE. They’re so on crack. So, WHY DO THEY BELIEVE THIS?!?! Apparently, “EVERY doctor will tell you that it’s true.”
2) Chinese girls are all “waiting for marriage.”
I work with six girls that are not married. They’re all between the ages of 21 and 35 and yeah, they’re all virgins. And they’re not like America’s dirty, slutty “virgins.” Only two of them have ever even kissed a boy.
Boys on the other hand, are expected to do it before marriage. The girls at my school tell me that boys go to see prostitutes all the time before they’re married (and during, but I’ll get to that later) and it’s “not that bad.”
3) If you don’t get pregnant by the time you’re 30 years old, you’re going to get cancer.
I told you; Chinese doctors are on crack.
4) In my opinion, Chinese girls are generally really, really pretty. They’re all super skinny (Ivy: “only BAD girls weigh more than 50K (110 lbs)”) and have really lovely dark eyes and perfect skin. And, they’re SUPER SWEET. They’re all like perfect catholic school girls, but better…….Which is why IT’S NOT FAIR THAT THEY HAVE TO MARRY SUCH NASTY GUYS!! I’m sorry, but I think I’d rather die than marry a Chinese boy. Why:
Chinese men think it’s cool and lucky to grow really, really long fingernails. Have you seen the last X-Men movie with Sabertooth? …that’s what guys’ nails look like. Yellow/brown, crusty, gross
Moles: they’re cool. Hairy moles: even cooler. Men are super proud of their moles and always have three inch long hairs coming out of them. And then they play with their mole-hair with their nasty fingernails.
They ALL smoke. Ok, technically only 75-85% but it seems like 99%. And they smoke indoors, especially in homes. In China, smoking is good for your health (doctors on crack) and second hand smoke, although “unpleasant” does not hurt anyone. So, that means that men smoke while in bed and in rooms without ventilation while holding their baby.
Due to the smoking, they all have gross yellow teeth. Their teeth are going to be gross anyway (braces, although affordable, are not important and most people don’t brush their teeth) but the smoking makes them soooo much grosser.
They cheat. They all cheat on their wives – I’ll explain why it’s “OK” later.
Chinese men expect oral sex but they don’t “return the favor.” The one married girl at our school told us that her husband has never gone down on her because he says that her “Virginia (yeah, like the state) smells bad.” We told her to buy soap for the first time in her life.
I’m sorry, but they’re ugly. They’re all 5’2” and are gangly-skinny but also somehow flabby at the same time. But now I’m just being mean! HAHAHAAA!!!
5) The biggest reason why I’d rather die than be a Chinese girl: THEY DON’T WEAR TAMPONS. Pads. Only pads. I can’t even tell you how gross Nelly and I think this is.
…what we’re imagining… it’s 95 degrees/90% humidity (because that’s normal in our city) and you’re super sweaty. You have a bush the size of a dinner plate (GIRLS IN CHINA DON’T SHAVE) and you’re on your period. Extreme heat plus hairiest vaginas on the planet plus blood
6) When a Chinese girl finds out that she’s pregnant, she and her husband need to stop having “man-love” (man love is what they call sex) for ONE YEAR. If they have sex even once during the pregnancy, the baby will be in danger.
Nelly spent an hour showing the girls information online showing that it’s safe to have sex THE ENTIRE nine months but the girls don’t believe it. They tell us that we can “ask any doctor in the country.” Crack.
7) So, since a pregnant woman can’t have sex for a full year, it’s totally ok for men to see prostitutes for that year. I’m not kidding. The girls think its ok.
8) Only “bad girls” drink alcohol, which means that girls never, ever drink. Tragic
9) Chinese girls don’t shave anything. A FEW shave their legs but NONE OF THEM shave their armpits or their v’s. We obviously knew about the hairy legs/arm pits because we see them EVERYDAY but once Nelly and I once walked into a gym locker room after an aerobics class ended and – well, ….we’ll never look at a Chinese girl the same EVER AGAIN. We didn’t know a bush could be so big…. they’re like afros…. And their nipples – oh my god. Did you know that Chinese girls’ nipples are an inch long?!?! They could poke an eye out. I had NO IDEA. Anyways, we ran out, hugged and cried and cried and cried
10) Chinese girls don’t usually drive cars (but this is actually a good thing because we all know the stereotype) . All of the girls that we work with have never driven a car and are sure that they never will. Their dads and future husbands will drive them anywhere they need to go. Dependency is fun.
some of my more stranger health problems in China
This is really embarrassing and disgusting: I got a weird, blotchy, red rash all around my eyes. It looked like I was wearing a pink mask. When I freaked out and showed the girls at school, they told me it was because I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I said, NO it’s because I touched something that a nasty person who hadn’t washed their hands for the past thirty years had touched and then I was stupid enough to touch my face. They laughed at me and told me that I just need more sleep.
This is ALSO gross and embarrassing: one morning all four of us woke up and saw that the skin on our hands was peeling – big time! It looked like we had terrible sunburns on the palms of our hands and that they were peeling. It was so gross – the skin just kept sluffing (I HATE THAT WORD) off. I guess we most have touched some terrible chemical and had a reaction – it was so weird!
I once woke up with a super-puffy eye. It was almost swollen shut. It looked exactly like I had been punched in the eye but without the black/blue color. It didn’t hurt, it wasn’t red and there was no pink-eye grossness. Anyway, I panicked because I had no idea what was wrong with me. I ran downstairs and asked all of my Chinese friends what it could be. “Ahhhh, you’ve been drinking too much water!” Yup, they were all 100% sure that one of your eyes will swell up if you drink too much water. Great. They insisted on taking me to a doctor but I refused because I know that the treatment would be something like: drink two cups of ground up chicken toe nails and frog brain paste, mixed with donkey blood and cat placenta.
It ended up that it was a bug bite. The bite itself was so swollen that I couldn’t tell that it was a bite until it got itchy and the swelling started going down. And thank Buddha that it did go down!! Brandon was looking for a new, non-deformed girlfriend and Josh was screaming Quasimodo at me constantly.
This is ALSO gross and embarrassing: one morning all four of us woke up and saw that the skin on our hands was peeling – big time! It looked like we had terrible sunburns on the palms of our hands and that they were peeling. It was so gross – the skin just kept sluffing (I HATE THAT WORD) off. I guess we most have touched some terrible chemical and had a reaction – it was so weird!
I once woke up with a super-puffy eye. It was almost swollen shut. It looked exactly like I had been punched in the eye but without the black/blue color. It didn’t hurt, it wasn’t red and there was no pink-eye grossness. Anyway, I panicked because I had no idea what was wrong with me. I ran downstairs and asked all of my Chinese friends what it could be. “Ahhhh, you’ve been drinking too much water!” Yup, they were all 100% sure that one of your eyes will swell up if you drink too much water. Great. They insisted on taking me to a doctor but I refused because I know that the treatment would be something like: drink two cups of ground up chicken toe nails and frog brain paste, mixed with donkey blood and cat placenta.
It ended up that it was a bug bite. The bite itself was so swollen that I couldn’t tell that it was a bite until it got itchy and the swelling started going down. And thank Buddha that it did go down!! Brandon was looking for a new, non-deformed girlfriend and Josh was screaming Quasimodo at me constantly.
Chinese Medical Advice
If you start to get a cold or have ANYTHING wrong with you: no matter how minor, it’s very important that you go directly to a hospital (they don’t have doctor’s offices – just hospitals). I’ve known my friend Nicole for three months and in those three months she has been to the hospital five times. This is completely normal. All of our friends visit the hospital at least once a month.
When a girl is on her period, she CANNOT wash her hair for any reason. If she does, she will get a range of health problems after she turns 50 years old. If she only washed her hair a few times when she was young and on her period, she will only get migraine headaches. If she washed her hair often, she will get cancer. ALL of our Chinese friends believe this.
If a woman doesn’t get pregnant by 30 years old, she will get cancer.
Oranges are junk food. They’re not good for your health and you should avoid them. Orange juice is even worse than pop.
Eating peanuts will make a man’s penis smaller
This is my favorite: If you sleep with your socks on, you will get a cold or the flu or have more serious health problems.
If you go to sleep with wet hair, you will experience a range of problems later in life. You will have bad eye sight, headaches and “brain problems.”
Standing next to a copy machine is very dangerous for your health.
When a girl is on her period, she CANNOT wash her hair for any reason. If she does, she will get a range of health problems after she turns 50 years old. If she only washed her hair a few times when she was young and on her period, she will only get migraine headaches. If she washed her hair often, she will get cancer. ALL of our Chinese friends believe this.
If a woman doesn’t get pregnant by 30 years old, she will get cancer.
Oranges are junk food. They’re not good for your health and you should avoid them. Orange juice is even worse than pop.
Eating peanuts will make a man’s penis smaller
This is my favorite: If you sleep with your socks on, you will get a cold or the flu or have more serious health problems.
If you go to sleep with wet hair, you will experience a range of problems later in life. You will have bad eye sight, headaches and “brain problems.”
Standing next to a copy machine is very dangerous for your health.
Where are all the disabled people???
We’ve been in SE Asia for almost eight months and between the four of us, we’ve seen three disabled people. We’ve seen one woman in a wheel chair sitting outside her house in Phuket, and two down syndrome babies here in China. And that’s it.
Since there are ZERO wheelchair accessible buildings/stores/anything, we’re guessing that people in wheel chairs must just have to live at home. But then what about people with mental disabilities? We hang out in Guangzhou (a huge city with over 10,000,000 people) at least once a week and we’ve never seen a single disabled person. Do they kill them when they’re babies?????
As usual, I asked my Chinese friends (who are finally getting used to my offensive questions about their culture) and they said that Chinese people are much more healthy than Westerners so they rarely have disabled babies. So there you have it!! There are no disabled children born in a county that has the worst air/water pollution in the entire world, where there’s Lead in EVERYTHING, 75%-85% of men smoke in their homes while their wives are pregnant, and their food has off the charts levels of pesticides. Cool.
Since there are ZERO wheelchair accessible buildings/stores/anything, we’re guessing that people in wheel chairs must just have to live at home. But then what about people with mental disabilities? We hang out in Guangzhou (a huge city with over 10,000,000 people) at least once a week and we’ve never seen a single disabled person. Do they kill them when they’re babies?????
As usual, I asked my Chinese friends (who are finally getting used to my offensive questions about their culture) and they said that Chinese people are much more healthy than Westerners so they rarely have disabled babies. So there you have it!! There are no disabled children born in a county that has the worst air/water pollution in the entire world, where there’s Lead in EVERYTHING, 75%-85% of men smoke in their homes while their wives are pregnant, and their food has off the charts levels of pesticides. Cool.
I'm Pro-Life???
They eat babies in China.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know. I thought it was a racist urban legend too. It’s not. Trust me. The Chinese people that we work with (and our adult students) are very willing to discuss “baby-eating” and are actually the ones that usually bring up the topic because of how funny they think our reactions are.
Here’s why our friends and students think eating babies is a good thing:
-The babies are unwanted by the mother
-The mother (who is commonly single) can make an obscene amount of money. If her baby is alive and healthy, she can get up to 1,000,000 rmb ($144,000 usd). Do you know how much money that is in China?!?! It’s beyond wealthy. BUT, apparently, most babies sell for a small fraction of this price.
-If you eat babies, you won’t get old and wrinkled. And, eating babies makes you have a strong libido.
Here’s the good news: most Chinese people cannot afford to buy live babies to eat. So, they purchase aborted fetuses from hospitals and they settle for just placentas.
Bad news: There are most definitely people that can afford live babies. From what we’ve heard, it’s 100% legal and doctors support the practice because they think it’s good for your body and because the purchaser and mother are supposed to give the doctor a “cut” of the payment. In fact, the way that most babies are sold is that the doctor arranges the whole deal including dropping off the baby to the purchasers.
Apparently it’s best to eat a baby that’s 1-3 days old so it’s a little bigger than a newborn. This means the purchasers keep it alive and feed it for a couple days. Then, it’s very important that the baby be killed by placing it into boiling water. Why? Because APPARENTLY there’s a chemical that is released in bodies of people that are boiled alive that has health benefits for the people consuming the “meat.” So then, that water and baby are used to make “a lot of soup.”
So, obviously, I think this is the most awful thing I’ve ever heard of. So its been really strange being on the other side of of a pro-life argument. Because, that’s exactly what Chinese people think this is about – they think that killing/eating live babies is exactly the same an abortion. I’ve always been 100% pro-choice and I think that waaaaaay more people should be having abortions: BUT not this kind of “abortion!” Anyways, moving on, the good news is that baby eating isn’t too widespread in China. It’s mostly within the Gungdong province and surrounding areas.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know. I thought it was a racist urban legend too. It’s not. Trust me. The Chinese people that we work with (and our adult students) are very willing to discuss “baby-eating” and are actually the ones that usually bring up the topic because of how funny they think our reactions are.
Here’s why our friends and students think eating babies is a good thing:
-The babies are unwanted by the mother
-The mother (who is commonly single) can make an obscene amount of money. If her baby is alive and healthy, she can get up to 1,000,000 rmb ($144,000 usd). Do you know how much money that is in China?!?! It’s beyond wealthy. BUT, apparently, most babies sell for a small fraction of this price.
-If you eat babies, you won’t get old and wrinkled. And, eating babies makes you have a strong libido.
Here’s the good news: most Chinese people cannot afford to buy live babies to eat. So, they purchase aborted fetuses from hospitals and they settle for just placentas.
Bad news: There are most definitely people that can afford live babies. From what we’ve heard, it’s 100% legal and doctors support the practice because they think it’s good for your body and because the purchaser and mother are supposed to give the doctor a “cut” of the payment. In fact, the way that most babies are sold is that the doctor arranges the whole deal including dropping off the baby to the purchasers.
Apparently it’s best to eat a baby that’s 1-3 days old so it’s a little bigger than a newborn. This means the purchasers keep it alive and feed it for a couple days. Then, it’s very important that the baby be killed by placing it into boiling water. Why? Because APPARENTLY there’s a chemical that is released in bodies of people that are boiled alive that has health benefits for the people consuming the “meat.” So then, that water and baby are used to make “a lot of soup.”
So, obviously, I think this is the most awful thing I’ve ever heard of. So its been really strange being on the other side of of a pro-life argument. Because, that’s exactly what Chinese people think this is about – they think that killing/eating live babies is exactly the same an abortion. I’ve always been 100% pro-choice and I think that waaaaaay more people should be having abortions: BUT not this kind of “abortion!” Anyways, moving on, the good news is that baby eating isn’t too widespread in China. It’s mostly within the Gungdong province and surrounding areas.
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